Operation Maintain Sanity

Nathan and I are still holding on. And today, I can say we are even more thankful for Cheryl and Rex and the help they provide.

Yesterday, Nathan was exhausted after staying up with Ezra all night. Elliott was also fussy, but Ezra has had some serious stomach issues and couldn't sleep at all. I woke up around 7 AM (after sleeping 4 hours) to feed the babies and sent Nathan to bed a little while later.  While he was sleeping, all mayhem broke loose.

Cheryl had arranged a playdate for Eliza, and I needed to get her ready for the outing. Ezra needed to be constantly held and fed in order to be somewhat happy, so I tried dressing Eliza while carrying a baby. She became frustrated that Nathan was asleep and unable to play, so she decided to throw every piece of her Mr. Potato Head at me. She then screamed for a taco (which we had eaten the previous night for dinner), but didn't really understand what she was asking for. It was ridiculous and would have been a laughable scene if I wasn't so tired.

Finally, I calmed her down and realized she just wanted some attention, which was understandable. I was still holding a sleeping Ezra, but managed to play with Eliza while we waited for our friend to pick her up. Suddenly, Elliott was crying and hungry. Ezra then woke up and was wanting to eat. Eliza was looking at me, asking me to finish the puzzle, and I was overwhelmed. The doorbell rang and Eliza refused to go up the basement stairs with me. I couldn't carry her, and I panicked. So, of course, I woke up Nathan.

Nathan made sure she made it off on her playdate, and I fed Ezra and Elliott. He then went back to sleep, and I tried to regroup and relax for a moment. The two hours Eliza was gone went by in a blur of nursing and burping, but I was thankful she had something fun to do. Cheryl came home from work and immediately could tell I was in panic mode.

Like I've said before, something I really need to work on is asking for help. It's so easy to write that I'll do better about vocalizing my thoughts and feelings, but I find myself nearly incapable of saying, "I can't do this. I have to sleep." I've said this before, but my reasoning is: my babies, my responsibility; I should be able to take care of my own children, right?

Cheryl constantly offers her assistance and I repeatedly let her know "I'm fine." Well yesterday, she wasn't buying the "I'm fine" story. She always helps with the babies when she gets home, but she went a step further and offered to fully take over baby responsibility for the night. When Nathan woke up, she insisted that we go to dinner. We decided to take Eliza out with us and had a wonderful time.

Eliza enjoyed drinking out of straws and eating rice.

 I enjoyed being out of my pajamas and spending time with two of my favorite people. (I also enjoyed some Coke. DELICIOUS).

I love having two more children, but going out, just the three of us, reminded me of our old, comfortable life. I remembered what it was like to just focus on Eliza and make sure she had all the love and attention she could stand. By the time dinner was over, though, I was more than anxious to get home to Ezra and Elliott.

When we arrived him, I looked in the mirror and realized why Cheryl was so worried about me. My eyes were bloodshot, my skin was noticeably paler than normal, and I looked dreadfully tired.  I decided it was time to take Cheryl up on her offer.

Nathan and I managed to let Cheryl sleep until 2 AM before calling for help. She came and sent us straight to bed. For the first time in weeks, we slept at the same time. It felt so weird not having the whole bed to myself! Although I still had to wake up to pump, it was amazing to not have to worry about actually feeding, burping, and changing the boys.

Today, I have taken naps whenever I wanted and have only focused on eating and pumping. Cheryl and Nathan have taken care of everything else. I also think we have solved Ezra's stomach issues, which makes me so happy for him! (and me).

After a day of recovery, I am still looking a little rough. I figure I'm entitled to look worn out for the next few years or so.  I'm back to multitasking and staying in my pajamas!

Despite appearances, it's been another good day for me. I sometimes can't believe I feel so positive considering the circumstances. Chinese food, sleep, and a ton of prayers. I guess that's all it takes to make a stressed mother feel better.