Let's Be Happy

While washing bottles this morning, I leaned against the sink and somehow managed to soak the bottom of my shirt with water. As I patted my stomach dry, I realized how much my body has changed in two months. Most notably, I am not pregnant with two babies anymore and burdened with a huge, cumbersome belly.  And, for a (very) brief moment, I missed the feeling of knowing I was carrying two little ones--not actual pregnancy, just that feeling.

My life is chaotic these days, and I typically don't have time to muse anything other than, "Who's been nursed?," "Have I eaten today?," and "What's Eliza doing?" But this morning, despite the hectic schedule and babies crying, I had a moment to feel overwhelmingly grateful for my children. I mean, down on my knees thanking my Heavenly Father for such wonderful blessings, kind of grateful.

For nearly 8 months, I fought for Ezra and Elliott. I worried about them every day, prayed for their safety constantly, and laid in bed for months, thinking of them and loving them. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I desperately wanted that baby. When I found out we were having twins, I was elated and prayed even harder that everything would be okay. I remember those feelings of nauseating worry and all the moments I told myself to focus on a positive outcome.

Everything ended up being alright. Better than alright, actually.

Looking at the situation now, things haven't been ideal lately. I am tired of the boys being in pain. I am tired of pumping breast milk and bottle feeding while we treat the thrush. I am tired of boiling everything 4 times a day. I am tired.

When looking at the big picture, though, things couldn't be better. I focused on all of the answered prayers, and I felt immensely lighter. I could feel some psychological burden lift, and I couldn't wait to hold both of my babies--crying or not. The anxiety of pregnancy and the trauma of delivery didn't matter.

Everything was worth it. Everthing is worth it.

 (Disclaimer: In my defense, hormonal, post-partum women are allowed to write cliche, emotional posts...especially when they are sleep-deprived).