Friday, January 27, 2012

Let's Be Happy

While washing bottles this morning, I leaned against the sink and somehow managed to soak the bottom of my shirt with water. As I patted my stomach dry, I realized how much my body has changed in two months. Most notably, I am not pregnant with two babies anymore and burdened with a huge, cumbersome belly.  And, for a (very) brief moment, I missed the feeling of knowing I was carrying two little ones--not actual pregnancy, just that feeling.

My life is chaotic these days, and I typically don't have time to muse anything other than, "Who's been nursed?," "Have I eaten today?," and "What's Eliza doing?" But this morning, despite the hectic schedule and babies crying, I had a moment to feel overwhelmingly grateful for my children. I mean, down on my knees thanking my Heavenly Father for such wonderful blessings, kind of grateful.

For nearly 8 months, I fought for Ezra and Elliott. I worried about them every day, prayed for their safety constantly, and laid in bed for months, thinking of them and loving them. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I desperately wanted that baby. When I found out we were having twins, I was elated and prayed even harder that everything would be okay. I remember those feelings of nauseating worry and all the moments I told myself to focus on a positive outcome.

Everything ended up being alright. Better than alright, actually.

Looking at the situation now, things haven't been ideal lately. I am tired of the boys being in pain. I am tired of pumping breast milk and bottle feeding while we treat the thrush. I am tired of boiling everything 4 times a day. I am tired.

When looking at the big picture, though, things couldn't be better. I focused on all of the answered prayers, and I felt immensely lighter. I could feel some psychological burden lift, and I couldn't wait to hold both of my babies--crying or not. The anxiety of pregnancy and the trauma of delivery didn't matter.

Everything was worth it. Everthing is worth it.
 (Disclaimer: In my defense, hormonal, post-partum women are allowed to write cliche, emotional posts...especially when they are sleep-deprived).


  1. I love reading your blog! You are always so honest and real, and your children are so beautiful. You are doing a great job!

  2. You are amazing. Simply and truly amazing. With everything you've been through and are going through, I'm so happy that you are still able to find the positive. I have full confidence in the blessings that you guys have in store and can't wait to see you rewarded for your work. Also, the babies are chubby. This makes me happy. :)

  3. You are such a good example to me. I'm kind of a worrier too-especially this being my first and having NO IDEA what is supposed to be "normal" with a process that is so not normal. Like you I need to look at all the positives and simply trust. Luckily, like you I have a great hubby who is always optomistic and a comfort. Keep it up-you're awesome!


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