Thursday, January 12, 2012

Hold On For One More Day

I'm not ashamed to admit this chorus line from the Wilson Phillips song has been my mantra the last few days.

A few people warned me that my body would eventually give out after weeks of sleep deprivation and neglect. Of course, these people were right. Although I certainly have not had a major breakdown, my stride has slowed, and I know I need to take better care of myself.

Ezra and Elliott continue to eat every 2 hours (sometimes less than that), and I find myself living on the couch in my pajamas, holding a baby while Nathan holds the other. Eliza runs around us, and we take turns making sure she is fed, entertained, and not neglected. She is our little helper and has been much happier the last week or so.

While her mood has improved, Nathan and I are running on empty. Ezra and Elliott are not very fussy throughout the day, but around 8 PM, they suddenly wake up for the night. For the past few days, they have been awake and constantly eating from 8 PM to 2 AM. I nursed Ezra for two hours last night and gave him 6 ounces of milk. Nothing. He was still acting like he was hungry. Tonight, Elliott has joined in on the extreme eating. I've tried pacifiers, swaddling, rocking, anything. They are really just hungry, but the extent of their hunger is mind blowing (they usually eat 4 ounces a feeding).

Because I am constantly feeding someone, I forget to eat. Yesterday, it was 3 PM and I realized I hadn't had a bite to eat all day. Perhaps this is one of the reasons the babies were so ravenous. I felt incredibly guilty for the self-neglect, but eating was really the last thing on my mind. I had been unable to wake up that morning and found myself lying on the couch, completely useless as Nathan took care of the children. Cheryl came home from work and took the babies so we could take a quick nap. Three hours later, I awoke completely disoriented.  I couldn't open my eyes fully. I couldn't find the energy to walk up the stairs to the kitchen. I had finally reached a physical breaking point.

Thankfully, I am surrounded by people who can help. Nathan is an amazing husband and father. He and I are a team, and by that, I mean he does way more than I do. He realizes I need rest in order to nurse Ezra and Elliott, so he has sacrificed his own sleep for us. He gets up with the babies, he bathes them, he puts them to sleep after I feed them, he washes bottles, and makes sure Eliza has all the love in the world. Did I also mention that he somehow finds time to work from home as well? It really is amazing. Some days I think about how tired I am and then I look over at Nathan and realize I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Really, I have to brag about him because I am so lucky and grateful
The resemblance is frightening.
So, so tired.
Additionally, we are lucky enough to be living with Cheryl and Rex right now. Cheryl has made countless meals and always makes sure we have clean laundry. She takes Eliza out on trips and to preschool and church. As soon as she gets home from work, she immediately takes a baby. Some days, I know I can make it just because she will be home shortly to help. I don't know how other moms with multiple children handle it all! I am beyond impressed.

Back to Nathan, though. Last night, he suggested (and then strongly suggested after I protested) that I take the early shift, rather than the later one. He thought I might feel better if I slept during normal hours. He also planned on staying up as late as possible so I could sleep longer. Wonderful man. I woke up feeling immensely better. I remembered to eat and I actually had energy to play with Eliza for a couple of hours rather than five minutes here and there.

Now that I have a new plan for resting, my primary focus is eating. I am making a firm commitment to eat several well-balanced meals throughout the day. I am feeding two other people, so foregoing food is not an option.  I made sure to eat more often today, and I could obviously tell a difference in how I felt.

So, as it turns out, Wilson Phillips was right. Things are really going my way today. I just had to wait a little while.


  1. Seriously, you NEED to start slurping mysterious fluids out of styrofoam cups--I've got a pretty reliable source that says that that fixes any and all problems regarding ravenous children. Also, have you contacted any female werewolves in the area to see if they are Ezra or Elliot's soul mate? Cuz I mean you can never have enough free babysitting right?

  2. Take care of yourself lady!!! Don't make me worry about you. I'm glad you got the rest you need. Didn't you say you're supposed to be getting like 5000 calories in a day? That's sooo many! Haha. More than anything, I would make sure you're getting enough protein and everything else will be easier to get (I'm totally guessing on that one). I love you honey buns!

  3. We're still praying for you guys, and sending you positive thoughts and love.
    Also, there's no need to be ashamed of loving Wilson Phillips. They were amazing and those of us that still remember their amazing-ness can be proud that we do. Listening to them taught me how to pick out and sing harmonies!
    I love the pictures you post and seeing how beautiful your family is. You're doing great! Hang in there!

  4. You need to take some tips from Eliza and start biting chunks of cheese straight off the block! Seriously, do it. And smoothies or milk or something, just to get some protein in your tiny self. You're going to shrink down to your babies' size. Use that new iPhone to set an eating alarm! "If ya just hoooooold oooonnnnnn!!! Hold on for one more daaay!!!!!" :) Just imagine me singing that to you and you will either smile or gag and either one will make you feel better, I promise.


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