Hormotional

My hormones are crazy these days, and I remain overly emotional due to the high stress of parenting and sleep deprivation. With the events of the last 12 hours, I feel as though I am emotionally overloaded with both exciting news and tragic news.

The good news is, in fact, joyous news, so it undoubtedly deserves its own post. The sad news, though, is weighing on me so heavily that I need to get some thoughts off of my chest now.

If you have been reading my blog for the past couple of months, you probably have noticed that I am a bit overwhelmed with twin and toddler parenthood. I continually try to give myself pep-talks and keep a positive attitude, but some nights, when it is 3 AM and both babies cannot be comforted, I have moments where I plead with Heavenly Father to give me strength and sustain me for just one more hour.

These days, I live minute by minute. I love to plan and schedule life, but I am learning to pray for strength on an hourly basis, rather than a daily one. If I have no expectations for the morning or evening, then I don't have to focus on anything other than surviving the moment I am in.

Nathan often tells me that unhappiness comes when expectations differ from reality. I try to limit my ideals regarding the twins, so I am overjoyed when they sleep a two hour stretch. If I had dreams of them sleeping through the night, I would constantly be disappointed and unhappy. I also keep the same mindset with Eliza and her fierce independence. I try desperately to allow my children to exist within their own mold and not to compare them to their peers, who are seemingly more "normal" at times.

I say all of this because of some news I received last night. I have two sisters-in-law who are expecting babies today. Because of this, I was checking my phone constantly for updates. Of course, I got onto Facebook during this time. One of my favorite things to do is read posts from other mothers in my "Mothers of Multiples" group. I have been a member of this group since June when we found out we were expecting twins. All of us mothers had twins around the same time and over the past few months, we have shared our pregnancy updates, our fears regarding delivery, our joyous birth announcements, and now our day to day struggles and triumphs. We have undoubtedly become very close as we have shared this journey.

And today, my heart is broken by a terrible tragedy that has befallen a fellow twin mother. Our friend, "M," posted that one of her twins was in the intensive care unit with a broken collar bone and brain hemorrhaging. Her son, "B," was the victim of shaken baby syndrome. M works long hours at the hospital, so her husband was alone with two very fussy babies for 12 hours a day.  Apparently, he could not handle the stress. They are a loving couple and family, and I feel sorry for all people involved.

I am sharing this because if anything can come from such a tragedy, it should be knowledge. M let us know about her darkest hour to put things in perspective for all of us mothers who felt defeated and overly tired. She wanted us to know that it is always okay to walk away from a crying baby and that asking for help is never a sign of weakness. She wanted us to know that our babies are precious blessings.

My heart aches for little B. I have looked at Ezra and Elliott a hundred times since I read M's post and each time, my heart pounds with a surge of love for them. I need to stop thinking about this tragedy so much, but I wanted to share this story in order to ask for prayers for M and her little boy.

The baby was transported to a hospital in a different state. M's husband has been arrested, and she is with her other son in a hotel. Our twin group has set up a way to make donations to her family during this time of need, but I know prayers are one of the best ways anyone can help. If you are interested in donating, I have a link to the secure donation site. It will only be active for 24 hours.

Even with all of the crying and sleepless nights, I consider it a privilege to be a mother. I realize I am incredibly blessed with gifts from God. One friend said, " I know that we don't necessarily deserve God's gifts, but He trusts us, and we should never take these children, these gifts, for granted."


So true.