Is There Love After Baby?

For Nathan's Human Development class, he was asked to read the article "Is There Love After Baby?" over the Thanksgiving break. After hearing about the assignment, I suggested that we read the article together. Overall, I wasn't too surprised by what the authors of the article discovered while researching the effects of a new baby on the marital relationship.

One section I found particularly insightful was entitled: "Ideology vs. Reality." Ideologically speaking, household chores, various daily tasks, and taking care of the child should be mutually and equally shouldered by the husband and the wife. Researchers discovered that in relationships where the man was an equal partner in cleaning the house and taking care of the baby, the wife was less stressed and therefore, more capable of love and more likely to pay attention to her husband and the needs of the marriage. Umm....is that only obvious to me? Because my initial reaction was: "duh."

However, this is called "ideology" because research proved this rarely happened. The reality was most couples assumed stereotypical gender roles, where the wife found herself overburdened and the husband found himself lonely and distanced from his spouse because of he stress and then resentment. The child placed a definite strain on the relationship because of this situation, and oftentimes, the wife felt like a failure for her inability to be the perfect mother and wife simultaneously. Essentially, in order to be the best wife and mother (perfect is a word I am afraid of), one must have a supportive and present husband, a help-meet even after a long day's of work. The article was very informative, and I suggest you read it if you have the time.

Regarding Nathan's and my situation, I truly have been blessed. Reading this article has only reaffirmed that truth for me. Having a baby who constantly cries is stressful. Emotionally, it has been tremendously difficult. With my case of the baby blues, I have found myself incapable of completing all of the household chores and taking care of Eliza like the "perfect" housewife. It just hasn't turned out the way I imagined. I am grateful for a husband who has been a silent helper, doing whatever he can to ease my stress. He changes all the diapers, he stays up most of the nights with Eliza, he helps with dinners, and he is learning to do the little things ( like taking out the trash and walking Toby) without me having to ask! Last week, he even made me breakfast in bed :)

The other day, he jokingly remarked: "It's like Eliza has two moms." And you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know it might not always be like this (where he has all the time and energy to help), but I am appreciative of this time.So thanks, Nathan. I know you will NEVER read this, so I'll just have to tell you myself :)