Put Them Aside

Recently, I wrote about how I should trust my own intuition when it comes to parenting. I realized I would continue to be unhappy if didn't stop expecting my children to behave the way I wanted them to. I have been thinking about these expectations often and felt like maybe I wasn't alone with these thoughts when I read a recent blog post by my friend Kelly. In her post, Kelly essentially vocalized similar feelings of frustrations when it came to starting the day with firm expectations and then being consistently disappointed with how things turn out. Therefore, she had adopted a policy of maintaining no expectations.

Before we were even married, Nathan told me that most unhappiness arises "when our expectations differ from reality." After the craziness of Sunday, Nathan and I discussed this principal with his parents and decided to do our best to give up our expectations when it comes to our children.  If Eliza wakes up several times in the middle of the night--that's fine. If Ezra and Elliott want to nurse twice as much as the average baby--that's fine. If we only get two hours of sleep at night--we'll find a way to manage. We always do. And instead of being angry or upset that our days/nights don't go as planned, we will be happy just to have survived another day. We will appreciate more the wonderful things that happen every day, even when we are tired and struggling.

Obviously, I have been thinking about this nonstop. I have been doing my best to embrace this new way of life and to be honest--it isn't easy. Before we went to bed last night, Nathan and I told each other we would handle whatever happened that evening with acceptance and patience. Eliza went to sleep after some coaxing, and we put the boys to bed after keeping them awake for several hours.

It was just after 11:00 PM. We were hopeful.

Twenty minutes later, Ezra woke up. Half an hour later, Eliza woke up. She had a 101.5 degree fever and was obviously feeling horrible. She was sobbing and could not be consoled. It was the first time Eliza has had a fever in her life (that we know of), so Nathan and I had no clue what to do or how to react. Soon, both babies were awake, and Cheryl and Rex (who we can usually rely on to help us in the early morning when we have a horrible night) were not feeling well, either. Every person in the house was awake at 3:00 AM, and all I could think was, "Talk about opposition when we were trying to be positive!"

By 4 AM, Eliza was asleep. The boys were awake until 8:30 which, consequently, was when Eliza woke up. I began feeling angry, but noticed Nathan was, as my grandmother would say, "as cool as a cucumber." He hadn't slept in 24 hours, but he was positive and still had copious amounts of positivity and patience. He fed Ezra, as he snuggled a sick Eliza. He washed bottles and made sure I got to take a nap.

He had effectively given up his expectations for what the day would be like, and he found happiness in taking care of his family. It took me a little bit longer to come around, but my midday (and after my nap), I began to feel hopeful. I tried to live in the moment, rather than in the future. I enjoyed holding a snuggling (yet feverish) Eliza until she fell asleep. I enjoyed bathing the children and nursing the boys to sleep. I enjoyed my night, rather than dreading it.

Tonight, has been great (so far). Ezra, Elliott, and Eliza (and Nathan) all went to bed at 9 and they are all sleep three hours later. That is a minor success on its own! I should go join them.

And I know I say this often, but I feel so lucky to be married to Nathan. He constantly shows me what selflessness and patience are.

(And how cute are these kids!?)