Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

This is my mantra.

You should come to our house. It is crazy over here.

There is a toddler who runs around in princess gowns all day, screaming for her Daddy if he leaves her sight for a moment, and who constantly begs for "black cookies" (Oreos) and pink ice cream. She is adorable, but she is feisty (this has always been the case). She definitely marches to the beat of her own drum.
There are two precious babies who have a pretty decent day schedule, but have no clue what sleeping at night means.
They are awake until 4 AM or 5 AM most mornings and want to constantly eat. I tried laying down the law last night and refused to nurse them every two hours. Let's just say that it didn't end well. We decided to go to bed after the 2 AM feeding and told ourselves they could just cry a little if they woke up before 5 AM. They woke up an hour later, wanting to eat. We were strong and didn't give in...for 20 minutes. When Nathan and I finally went to soothe our little boys, we were met with the saddest faces. Our happy Ezra and Elliott were nowhere to be found. Needless to say, we felt awful about letting them cry. We were desperate for sleep, though, and knew they were in fresh diapers and had been recently fed and burped. What's a mom to do?

Apparently, we are not strong enough to put our kids on schedules. I thought I could shy away a little from feeding on demand at three months, but I guess they aren't ready yet (or maybe I'm not ready?).

So, if we aren't sleeping at night, you can guess that there are two very tired parents who are still trying to keep their heads above water. Last night, Nathan said, "I feel like I run a marathon every day. I go to bed, I barely sleep, and then I start running again."

Well said.

I have really struggled with this most recent trial. I keep thinking, "Why can't they at least sleep 4 hours at a time? Why do they resist sleep entirely most nights?" And I have no idea what the answer is. We have tried everything. Really. We have.

I just know there is something I am supposed to be learning from this. Yesterday, when Nathan's grandmother and Aunt Dee dropped by to hold babies for a few hours, I realized we are so lucky to be near loving family member who are more than willing to help. And this morning, when I texted my mother-in-law, Cheryl, at 5 AM pleading for help, she came to my rescue in less than a minute. She and my father-in-law, Rex, sent me to bed and took care of Ezra and Elliott so I could sleep.

How lucky am I to have married into such an amazing family? On a daily basis, I see more and more what true service and sacrifice is. I am (still) learning to accept help and to ask for help. I am learning to appreciate any moment of peace and treasure the few quiet moments I have with my husband.

I'm not going to lie, though, I constantly pray we are almost done learning. It would be so incredibly nice to sleep. Ahhh. It seems like such an unattainable thing. Fortunately, there is help for the weary, even if there isn't much rest.

And one last consolation: our boys have the sweetest smiles. Elliott started cooing this week, and I just want to squeeze him so hard every time he tries to "talk" to me. I love my boys. Sleep or no sleep :)

Yes, those are socks on his hands. He kept scratching himself even after his nails were cut! Desperate times call for desperate measures.


  1. HOLYGOODNESS those pictures are CUUUUTE.
    I'm sorry, I also read the post and was sad that you're so sleep deprived. I know how that must suck, but I was very distracted by all the chubby baby boy smiles.
    I was recently reading the blog of woman pregnant with twins, and she was saying that it's hard not to think of her difficult pregnancy as a trial, even though she would rather be pregnant than not.
    And I was thinking, obviously having twins is a blessing. I might be hard, but if a blessing is the opposite of a trial... which would you rather think of them as?
    Sorry if that sounds preachy, I don't mean to. I completely understand that this is a trial as well as a blessing.
    But if it's one or the other, wouldn't you rather this was a hard blessing, instead of a nice trial?

    1. You are so right, Becky. This is why I blog...because I love the reminders and the thoughts my friends can send my way. Having twins is such a blessing! I just consider the sleep deprivation the trial. However, I would rather be sleep deprived and have my boys than well-rested and twin-less. So, I can see it as a hard blessing :) That just feels better :)

  2. I'm so glad that we are sisters! Yay! I'm also so glad for you that you have the help there when you need it. The Lord loves you and you have been given a BIG gift of the twins and you are measuring up to be an amazing mother for them and He knew you would be and knew you could handle it. I hope you get a breakthrough soon and that those lovely chubzy cheeks give you a rest.

  3. They are getting so big and chunky. I know about sleep deprivation, but I can't imagine it times two. Logan is 20 pounds and still waking up all the time to nurse and I'm just like, "Are you kidding me? You are twenty freakin' pounds! You cannot possibly be hungry!" But I try really hard to just look at his baby-ness and realize it won't last long. Other times I think I might check myself into the loony bin for a night, just so I can get some sleep.

  4. Twins are lovely, huh?

    Have you tried going to a sleep school? We have them here in Australia. They can teach you how to get your twins to sleep longer periods without breaking the feeding on demand! I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's worked for so many of my friends. They sort of get the twins into a schedule, then let them demand at their own pace, but really at yours. So you may still be feeding them every 2 hours during the day, but they might sleep through the night!!


A Penny For Your Thoughts