I Think I Can, I Think I Can

This is my mantra.

You should come to our house. It is crazy over here.

There is a toddler who runs around in princess gowns all day, screaming for her Daddy if he leaves her sight for a moment, and who constantly begs for "black cookies" (Oreos) and pink ice cream. She is adorable, but she is feisty (this has always been the case). She definitely marches to the beat of her own drum.

There are two precious babies who have a pretty decent day schedule, but have no clue what sleeping at night means.

They are awake until 4 AM or 5 AM most mornings and want to constantly eat. I tried laying down the law last night and refused to nurse them every two hours. Let's just say that it didn't end well. We decided to go to bed after the 2 AM feeding and told ourselves they could just cry a little if they woke up before 5 AM. They woke up an hour later, wanting to eat. We were strong and didn't give in...for 20 minutes. When Nathan and I finally went to soothe our little boys, we were met with the saddest faces. Our happy Ezra and Elliott were nowhere to be found. Needless to say, we felt awful about letting them cry. We were desperate for sleep, though, and knew they were in fresh diapers and had been recently fed and burped. What's a mom to do?

Apparently, we are not strong enough to put our kids on schedules. I thought I could shy away a little from feeding on demand at three months, but I guess they aren't ready yet (or maybe I'm not ready?).

So, if we aren't sleeping at night, you can guess that there are two very tired parents who are still trying to keep their heads above water. Last night, Nathan said, "I feel like I run a marathon every day. I go to bed, I barely sleep, and then I start running again."

Well said.

I have really struggled with this most recent trial. I keep thinking, "Why can't they at least sleep 4 hours at a time? Why do they resist sleep entirely most nights?" And I have no idea what the answer is. We have tried everything. Really. We have.

I just know there is something I am supposed to be learning from this. Yesterday, when Nathan's grandmother and Aunt Dee dropped by to hold babies for a few hours, I realized we are so lucky to be near loving family member who are more than willing to help. And this morning, when I texted my mother-in-law, Cheryl, at 5 AM pleading for help, she came to my rescue in less than a minute. She and my father-in-law, Rex, sent me to bed and took care of Ezra and Elliott so I could sleep.

How lucky am I to have married into such an amazing family? On a daily basis, I see more and more what true service and sacrifice is. I am (still) learning to accept help and to ask for help. I am learning to appreciate any moment of peace and treasure the few quiet moments I have with my husband.

I'm not going to lie, though, I constantly pray we are almost done learning. It would be so incredibly nice to sleep. Ahhh. It seems like such an unattainable thing. Fortunately, there is help for the weary, even if there isn't much rest.

And one last consolation: our boys have the sweetest smiles. Elliott started cooing this week, and I just want to squeeze him so hard every time he tries to "talk" to me. I love my boys. Sleep or no sleep :)

Yes, those are socks on his hands. He kept scratching himself even after his nails were cut! Desperate times call for desperate measures.