Identity Theft

Ezra somehow transformed over night.

He is our little baby and weighed just over 4 pounds when we brought him home from the hospital. Elliott was a full pound heavier and therefore had a much rounder face. Well, over the last couple of days, Ezra has definitely put on some weight. We thought they were identical before, but had no idea the similarities could be this pronounced.

Since we came home, Nathan and I have proudly been able to properly identify the boys. The nurses, who confused the babies themselves and saw my inability to differentiate between my own children, placed ankle bracelets on Ezra and Elliott so we could tell them apart "just in case." I suggested writing on the bottom of their feet in permanent marker (which was the plan I jokingly told my in-laws and then seriously considered when I realized I didn't know which baby I was holding), but the pediatrician didn't think it was a good idea to entrust the identities of our children to a slightly toxic Sharpie that could potentially wear off.

All of the labeling seemed like a moot point by Sunday because we could tell easily see the differences, which were mainly in size and head shape.

And then Ezra grew...and so did his head.

So this morning, when Nathan handed me Ezra, he actually handed me Elliott. And when we were keeping log of their feedings, we were actually tallying Elliott's drinking record under Ezra's name. Nathan and I only realized our error after Cheryl correctly referred to Ezra as Ezra, which confused Nathan. He then checked the identification bracelets and sure enough, Cheryl was right. Thank goodness for the nurses and those bracelets!

Nathan and I couldn't believe it, though! In our defense, Ezra's face is fuller as of today--a fact I proudly attribute to the copious amounts of breast milk he has consumed (yes, this is me giving myself a proverbial slap on the back/high five). We have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I am anxious to find out exactly how much they have grown.

Even without a scale, I can tell Ezra and Elliott are thriving. And that makes my heart feel good.

I Just Can't Stay Away

 Disclaimer: This post discusses blood clots and placentas. If that grosses you out, you should probably stop reading.

Apparently, I love going to the hospital.

Last night, I was feeding Ezra and playing with my new iPhone when I suddenly felt a sharp pain go throughout my abdomen. I have been having pretty intense uterine contractions for the past week, so I tried to ignore the pain. A few minutes later, I was nearly unconscious and in utter agony. My father-in-law jumped up and took Ezra from me and then ran to get Nathan. He helped me to the car and drove me to the emergency room.

I was doubled over in pain and unable to move as Nathan wheeled me into the hospital. I was audibly sobbing, and Nathan did his best to calm me down and distract me. I was essentially feeling a more intense version of the pain that caused me to faint and seize earlier in the week. That pain was due to a blood clot, so I was hoping a nurse or doctor could massage this clot out like my amazing labor and delivery nurse did.

The doctor working was worried about the amount of obvious pain I was in. He wanted to immediately give me a strong drug/sedative via IV to ease my discomfort.  After discussing the medication, I refused the IV because it would prevent me from breastfeeding for two to three days. My babies need my breastmilk, and I wasn't willing to get the medicine until I knew the reason why I was hurting.

The doctor recommended an ultrasound and then told us that the ultrasound tech was not available until the early morning due to budget cuts at the hospital. I let him know I had an 9 am appointment with Dr. Miu and would discuss the issue with him. The ER doctor was satisfied with that solution after running a series of blood tests. He wanted to confirm that my body wasn't fighting an infection which could make me become septic. He suspected I either had additional clots or part of the placenta to pass. He explained that with multiples, there is more of everything: more blood to pass, more placenta, greater risk of infection, etc.

This morning, I met with Dr. Miu, who was also worried about my situation. He said an ultrasound would not be entirely accurate this soon after delivery and will perform the scan next Monday. He noted that my kidney levels (still not sure what they measure) were high, which will require more bloodwork. An EKG was also performed, and my heart rate was unusually low. He asked if I was a long-distance runner. I laughed as I said, "Yeah, six years ago." My results are being sent to a cardiologist, who I will have to meet with next week if he feels like it is necessary.

All of those medical problems aside, I still feel immensely fortunate to be as healthy as I am. I can move and walk around, and I feel like a functioning human being for the first time in months. I am hoping and praying that the problem will resolve itself without a D&C, but I know I can handle any outcome. Ezra and Elliott are the most precious babies, and I don't mind making any sacrifices for them.

I have been surprised with how it has been to stay positive. I consider that another blessing from Heavenly Father. We can all do hard things, right? Especially with faces like this around:

Ezra

Elliott

A Birthing Gift

I may or may not have had my husband break one of the ten commandments today so I could get this....

To provide further clarification, Nathan did not kill, steal, or lie in order for me to have an iPhone.

Finally! An iPhone for me (and Eliza)! I have joined the ranks of the civilized world.

Friday afternoon, my phone ran out of battery power an hour or so before we left the hospital. As soon as we arrived home, I plugged in the phone so it could charge. The babies have been pretty popular the past few days, and I knew my parents, sister, and grandmother were expecting consistent Elliott and Ezra updates. Additionally, I feel weird without my phone. It was just a simple flip phone, but I set my alarms on it and enjoyed texting friends (especially while staying at the hospital). My phone is a kind of security blanket, which may sound ridiculous to some.

So, when I told Nathan this morning that I could no longer go without a nursing bra, I was thrilled that he offered to get me not only a bra, but a phone as well. Our local Walmart does not carry nursing bras and the closest available store that sells them is an hour away.  Additionally, there are no Verizon stores anywhere nearby; they are also in the city an hour away. Because of the distance involved, it made sense to take care of both errands at the same time.  Furthermore, if Nathan didn't go today, I would have had to wait until next Saturday to get the bra and phone due to a number of appointments and Nathan's work schedule (he works full-time from home). (Yes, this is me justifying breaking the commandment to keep the Sabbath day holy. I did need the bra, though).

Nathan called the Verizon store to go over some details and make sure they were open today. He knows I have been wanting a white iPhone, and I heard him asking whether or not those specific phones were in stock. The salesperson let Nathan know that a white iPhone may not be available. I was a little disappointed, but decided it really wasn't that big of a deal.  I was expecting Nathan to say something like, "Ok. I guess a black phone would be fine."

To my surprise (and amusement), Nathan said,"Well, my wife just had two babies this week. So, she has all sorts of crazy hormones right now, and I really don't want to let her down. I know she wants a white iPhone, so if you don't have it, we'll just wait or find another store."

He ended up driving a little bit further to a neighboring city and getting my phone.

Nathan is my best friend, and I am so glad he understands me. He told me I deserved a small gift after having two babies this week (Small gift? It feels like Christmas!).  Taking the materialism out of this scenario (me being the materialistic one obviously), the fact that Nathan would go out of his way in order to make me truly happy is the best feeling ever.  Acts of service (and especially gifts that are thoughtful like this) are definitely my love language.

So friends, feel free to text and/or call me! I'd love to have some numbers in my lonely little iPhone.
 
Can you tell that I'm happy?

Cupcakes and Shopping Carts

Cupcakes and shopping carts: Two essentials required for winning over the heart of a two year old little girl.

When Eliza first met her baby brothers, she was uninterested and very unhappy. She noticeably pouted and stuck her lip out, doing her best to avoid any contact of the babies. When we asked her if she wanted to see them and meet them, she would say, "No. No, thank you." It was so cute it killed me, but it also broke my heart that she was having such a hard time accepting her siblings. She is old enough to know she wants her parents, but still too young to understand the concept of being the "big sister."

After the second night in the hospital, where Eliza screamed to leave and refused to even look at me as I held Elliott, I called my mother in tears. She gave me amazing advice. She suggested that we buy Eliza a present and have it waiting for her at the hospital. The next time Eliza came to visit, we would surprise her with the gift and say it was from the babies. Apparently, my parents did this to me when my brother was born, and it worked like a charm.

Nathan devised a two part plan of attack. Part one would be to give Eliza a cute little shopping cart at the hospital, like my mom suggested. The second part would include the babies "making" Eliza pink mini cupcakes with pink frosting and sprinkle hearts once we came home. Eliza has wanted a shopping cart for weeks (and they were on sale for $10.00 at Walmart!), and she loves pink, sprinkles, hearts, cupcakes, mini things, and more pink.

Part one went incredibly well! Eliza found the shopping cart in the hospital room and was so excited. Nathan did a wonderful job giving the babies full credit for the gift. Eliza ran to their bassinets to thank them and finally showed an interest in acknowledging their existence.

On Friday afternoon, Eliza woke up from her nap to two babies and a table of cupcakes.

She happily thanked the babies and smiled nonstop. It is probably the cutest moment ever captured on video.

Today, she has talked to the babies a couple of times and has no problem with us holding them. We are certainly making progress, which makes me one happy mother!

Coming Home Debacle

At 2:45 yesterday, we left the hospital. If someone had told me last Saturday that I would be bringing home two babies in exactly a week, I would have never believed it. I expected the babies to stay at least a couple of weeks in the NICU, and I certainly didn't plan on delivering the twins first thing Monday morning. This is one of the rare instances in life where I feel incredibly grateful that not all things can be planned (everyone knows I love to plan)...because sometimes, things go much better than we can imagine.

We said goodbye to the amazing staff at the hospital, including Cindy, who was one of our favorite nurses. I loved my nurses so much! I can't believe how much of a difference it made to be surrounded by a caring, attentive hospital staff.

(Pay no attention to my appearance.)

Cindy was by my side when the babies were born and repeatedly offered me her hand to hold, as the operating room table was not very delivery friendly. I refused to take it because I knew I would hurt her and instead made a fist with that hand and squeezed Nathan's hand with the other. She is an amazing nurse, and I will always appreciate her positive words of encouragement during labor. As it turns out, I really do enjoy words of encouragement.

One of the nurses offered to push me out to the car in a wheelchair and before I could respond, Nathan jokingly said: "Well, if you give natural birth to twins, you have gotta walk out of the hospital! Otherwise, you lose all of your street cred." Funny man.

Ezra and Elliott looked so tiny and fragile in their carseats, and Nathan made sure to drive 10 mph the entire half a block home.

We fed the boys and they went to sleep instantly in their bassinet.

They are slightly jaundiced, so that is why they are yellow.

I told Nathan and Cheryl that despite the sore chest and the lack of sleep, I felt really positive. I let them know we could handle two babies and that I was focusing on not being overwhelmed. Less than 10 minutes later, I was using my electric breast pump and suddenly heard a loud pop, followed by a rhythmic, loud clicking noise. The pump had broken. It had worked perfectly this summer, so I knew the break was due to us storing it outside in the cold garage. Once we brought it indoors, the components expanded and something broke.  I lost it almost instantly.

While I was crying in the bedroom, Nathan jumped into action. It was 4:00 o'clock on a Friday, so we didn't have much time. He hurried to make calls to WIC and medical supply companies. WIC had no electric pumps available and the medical supply companies charged a minimum of $85.00 a month in addition to a one time fee of $75.00 for attachments. The local Walmart only had the cheapest brands (which I tried with Eliza and broke in a matter of days), and the closest Target with a breast pump was an hour away. The babies needed to eat in two hours, and we didn't have much milk leftover. Additionally, I was in an immense amount of pain.

All of the boys' feedings have to be monitored, so we know how many millimeters they are consuming daily. They can nurse while using a Supplemental Nutritional System, but the pumped breast milk is needed for this. So, I spend my day pumping and then actually nursing. It sounds crazy, but we have to make sure everything is documented until they gain a little bit more weight. Thankfully, we had a hand pump we could use and Nathan decided to go to Target. Three hours later, he triumphantly returned.

Before we opened the new pump, though, Nathan wanted to look at the motor on the old pump. He unscrewed the front of the system and out popped a small, square box.

As it turns out, the entire mechanism for the Medela Pump In Style system for is contained in the aforementioned yellow square. The rest of the bag is merely cosmetic and the motor itself is surprisingly simple. Nathan instantly saw the part responsible for the malfunction. Like we thought, a small piece of plastic had expanded in the heat and then contracted in the cold, bending the material.

Although the problem had been located, Nathan wasn't sure how to fix the pump. He took it over to his father, who just so happens to be a pump engineer for irrigation systems. He instantly thought of a solution and less than five minutes later, the motor was running smoothly. We definitely plan on taking back the new $300.00 pump. Once again, we were blessed with a small miracle (yes, I consider saving $300.00 a miracle of sorts). And yet again, I was reminded that things really do work out.

Now, I'm going to go back to looking at these precious babies. They SLEEP!

(Sidenote: To those of you wondering when I find time to blog with such a busy schedule, I blog while I pump. It helps me focus on something other than the excruciating pain. Sorry for the graphic information for those of you don't care.)

Homeward Bound!

Ezra and Elliott are coming home with me today! After four days in the hospital, we are all doing wonderfully. Last night, we visited with the boys' pediatrician, who said she was amazed by their progress. They have been stable since day one and have only continued to thrive. She recommended that we up their feedings to every 2 hours, which we are more than fine with. Nursing 12 hours a day? Bring it on!

As for me, I am tired, but healthy. Dr. Miu is going to perform an EKG on me this afternoon, just to make sure everything is fine after my fainting/seizure episode. I'm not too worried about the results because I know the fainting spell was related to sheer exhaustion; that's all.

Nathan has been busily preparing our home for their arrival (with the help of Cheryl and Jenny), and I cannot wait to have these children safely home. We are so lucky!

(I would label these pictures, but I am honestly not sure who is who. Umm...I am thinking it goes Ezra, Elliottt, Ezra. However, I could be wrong. Once I am sure of things, I'll do some labeling. Perhaps I should get used to writing their names on every picture.)

Lessons Learned in the Last 48 Hours

1) Identical means identical.
I can't tell these two babies apart from each other, despite my best efforts! They look exactly alike from their tiny little noses to the swirls of their hair. The pediatrician said they were the most "identical" identical twins she has ever seen. This morning, my confusion only escalated when I discovered the nurses had actually switched Ezra and Elliott in the nursery and that the baby I was nursing was actually "Baby A" instead of "Baby B." Needless to say, we are constantly checking their name bracelets to make sure we have the right baby in the proper bassinet.

2) Adrenaline only last for so long.
After delivering the boys, I felt like superwoman. I was tired, but I had a seemingly endless reserve of energy. I was awake for over 24 hours and couldn't find a way to come down from the emotional high of birthing. Two days later, I am exhausted. Yesterday was spent constantly nursing the boys and by our 8 pm feeding, my body decided it could no longer keep up with the pace my mind had decided upon. I fainted and was out for a while as a team of nurses carried me to a bed, started me on an IV, and tried to wake me up. By the time I awoke, I had been readmitted to the hospital. Today, I plan on resting. Considering the fact that it is only 7 am and I've been awake for over two hours, I don't see this plan happening as easily as I imagined.

3) Nursing twins is more than a full-time job and definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
The twins are supposed to eat 8-9 times a day. Nursing the babies takes 1 to 1.5 hours. The babies have been incredible about latching on, but my body hasn't been able to producing the amount of milk needed just yet. The babies are already small, so if we want to avoid feeding tubes and PICC lines, they have to consistently eat well. Of course, this lack of milk has been a source of anxiety for me. I have been doing everything possible to increase my milk supply and things are already improving. I'm lucky to have a friend who is a lactation consultant! She gave me some great advice yesterday and helped alleviate some of my fears. The hospital staff has also been amazing and has encouraged me to continue nursing. I'm sure things will improve with time.

4) Being away from Eliza is the worst thing ever.
Before this week, I had never spent a night away from Eliza. I hate not seeing her smiling face in the morning and hearing her say, "Hi, Mama!" when she sees me. My heart breaks when she comes to visit because she is obviously having a hard time adjusting to the idea of two new brothers. She is too little to understand what is going on and only knows she is no longer receiving the attention she used to. As soon as I get home, I am making it my number one priority to smother her with love and attention. Goodness. I love that little girl.

5) Changing a girl's diaper is much different than changing a boy's diaper.
This morning, Elliott managed to pee on my face. Need I say more?

6) We're going to need help.
All I can say is: I am so grateful we live with family. Yesterday, two nurses and Nathan helped me feed the twins. I nursed one twin while the other was burped, we then switched babies, I then pumped while both babies were burped again, and finally the nurses helped supplement their feedings by giving them a few cc's of formula through a syringe (the syringe allows us to avoid bottles and the potential for nipple confusion). I couldn't imagine going home without the security of knowing help was available. I've said it before, but my in-laws are amazing! I really wish South and North Carolina were closer to Washington.

7) It's amazing how much you can love.
When we learned we were pregnant again, I remember thinking the usual questions associated with a second pregnancy (usual in my mind, at least). I knew I would love my second baby as much as I loved Eliza, but I did wonder if it would feel different or diminished in some way because I wasn't becoming a mother for the first time. I remembered the magical feeling of knowing I was a mother, and it just didn't make sense that I could feel that much emotion ever again. Well, I was wrong. When they wheeled me into the nursery, and I saw the babies sprawled out and breathing together in rhythm, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest due to the powerful surge of emotion; I was glad I was sitting. I love these babies so much that I can't stop smiling as I write this post. (I also find it hard not to cry, but I am sure that is just my crazy hormones right now).  I love having two baby boys.