30 Weeks

These boys are getting big! I am so excited to be 30 weeks pregnant today. Six more weeks to go!

Like I said in a previous post, each passing week feels like a small triumph. Physically, I'm feeling great and everything is going smoothly.

My mental and emotional well-being is another story. This past week, Nathan has been very sick. He had flu-like symptoms that wiped him out and then developed a debilitating canker sore (those things are the devil!). Due to the infection, it has been impossible for him to eat, talk, and even sleep. He has been miserable to say the least, and I have felt horrible watching him struggle each day. It has been difficult for him to keep up with Eliza, but he has managed without any help from me. Thankfully, my mother-in-law is amazing and able to lend a helping hand when needed.

So yes, I have "bed rest" guilt or whatever you want to call it. I see all of these things that need to be done, but find myself incapable of contributing in any way. Nathan and Cheryl take turns making meals, Nathan tends to Eliza, Nathan does the laundry and cleans our room, and what do I do?  Well, I'm pregnant.

I've complained about these thoughts of being a burden and feeling useless before, so obviously it is an ongoing battle. I constantly have to remind myself I'm doing something really important by laying down the majority of the day. Last night, I was reading one of my twin pregnancy books and stumbled across some thoughts from a fellow twin mother. She wrote:

"Do you feel like you are doing nothing for your unborn babies? Do some of the recommendations-to rest, relax, relinquish responsibilities and activities- make an expectant mother's job seem annoying passive? Don't look at it that way. You're not doing nothing; you're gestating. Right now, for you, that's the most important job in the world. You're doing whatever it takes to allow your pregnancy to continue as long as possible, to help your babies develop as optimally as possible, and to keep yourself as healthy as possible."

That's exactly what I needed to read. Thank you (again) for the book, Becky!

At the end of the day, the health and safety of these babies is ultimately more important that completing any chore or task. There is no reason for me to feel guilty because being pregnant is a full-time job. Thankfully, Nathan feels the same way and encourages me to stay down as much as possible.

"Staying down" also means not going to church. This morning, I felt guilty as I watched my family get dressed in their nice clothes. I told myself: "I could make it an hour." Well, after my experience today, I don't foresee many church meetings in the near future. As I sat on the hard, upright pew and struggled to catch my breath, I realized there was no reason for me to feel guilty about staying home on Sundays. That's what the book was saying, right?

I'm grateful for these twins. I'm grateful for my husband and the sacrifices he continually makes for our family. I'm so glad that I have amazing, supportive friends who text, call, email, and leave friendly blog comments. I know these remaining six weeks will go by quicker than we realize, and everything we have gone though to get to the moment of meeting our boys will be well worth it.