Relief

Finally, one of the longest days of our lives is almost over.

My mother-in-law left yesterday (my niece is getting baptized this weekend in Portland), and she is sorely missed. It really feels as though things have fallen apart in the last 24 hours. As soon as we woke up, it seemed as though this day was not going to go our way. The appointment for my nasojejunum tube insertion was scheduled for 9:20; but before we left, Eliza had to take her morning walk with Nathan. On the way home from the park, Nathan felt his neck pop and suddenly, he was unable to move his head without it causing immense pain. Unfortunately, the pain persisted and he is still hurting tonight. His neck is stiff, lifting anything (including Eliza) hurts tremendously, and he has to physically support his head if he has to lean over for any reason. I don't know what to do to help him other than assure him it's perfectly alright if our house is a disaster area and Eliza watches television for an inappropriate length of time.

Although he was in pain, Nathan managed to drive me to the hospital for the tube insertion. Radiology performs the procedure, as an x-ray must be performed during the process to make sure the tube is threaded through the stomach and into the small intestine. Not to sound dramatic, but I can honestly say the ordeal was one of the worst things I've ever physically experienced. I was awake without any medication as they injected gel into my nostrils and slid the ridiculously long tube down my nose and pushed it into the intestine. I had to constantly swallow the tubing as I continually gagged.  Nathan couldn't stay with me due to the radiation, and I was covered in three fifteen pound magnetic shields. I felt alone and trapped. I had to hold my hands beside my body and couldn't move throughout the procedure. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow, and the choking sensation only added to the anxiety. So yeah, I feel traumatized! Can you tell?

This was followed by another visit to the infusion lab to have my blood drawn and new IV line inserted. Again, the nurse was unable to locate a good vein and poked my hand furiously as she attempted to thread the IV. After a few minutes, I nearly passed out (which landed me an Orange Fanta! Yummmm), and I gathered the courage to tell her: "Please just put it in the large vein at the bend of my arm. I don't care if I can't bend my arm at all. I just can't be poked again." She was more than happy to accomodate me.

And sadly, we had more appointments to figure out our insurance. It was just too much for one day! Nathan and I got home a little after 2:00 and both of us were exhausted. Allison was amazing enough to watch Eliza the entire time we were out, and our little girl definitely wanted to do fun things once we were home. Nathan managed to go on another walk (although he was still feeling awful) and then Eliza blessed us by taking a second nap, which hasn't happened in WEEKS.

Home Care came around 3:00 and delivered all of the goods, and then a nurse arrived to set up the pump and explain how to administer the fluids. Basically, the food solution is similar (in appearance) to baby formula or Ensure. The feeding tube will be on and pumping literally 24 hours a day. I have to slowly acclimate my body to this type of feeding, and the goal is to receive fluids 18-19 hours a day.

On a positive note (which I am trying to focus on today), today also had a few highlights:
- My cousin David called from NC to say he was thinking of me. It made my day. I miss my family.
- Becca and Katy came by AGAIN today just to sit and keep me company. I honestly believe only two hours of social interaction (i.e watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy) makes me feel more sane. They also came by yesterday and brought by cute little boy clothes. The first boy clothing we own!
- A lovely couple from our church brought by an amazing dinner (for Nathan). I managed to eat a couple of bites, but I am not accustomed to eating with the tube yet, so it was uncomfortable.

I keep trying to separate my mind from my body. Does that sound weird? I just try to focus on the future and how this is all temporary. When I dwell too much on how much I hurt or how hungry I am, I instantly start crying. All I can do is continue to pray and have faith things will get better. I know we're being prepared for something amazing, and I am very grateful for the opportunity to be pregnant again. So, enough complaining!

Thanks for all the love, everyone. I really do feel it. Please say extra prayers Nathan's neck feels better. Hopefully, we can make it to Tuesday without Cheryl :)

p.s. A special thanks to Caitlin and Tim for taking Eliza out yesterday. Thanks to them, Eliza actually did something fun and enjoyed herself at the splash park. Like I've said before, we really are blessed to have such great friends.