So Maybe this is Complaining...

So today was interesting. I hope you don't mind hearing about it. I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook, but I suppose I could use some support.

At 7:30 AM, I woke Nathan up to let him know my "shift" with Eliza was over. She stopped her colic scream around 6:00, but refused to sleep unless I was constantly bouncing her. My entire body was aching and cramping, and I was becoming pretty dizzy; I took this as the signal to hand Eliza off to Nathan. An hour later, my shift began again when Nathan got up to get ready for class. Disoriented, I fell asleep nursing Eliza and woke up a couple of hours later to change her diaper and walk Toby after strapping her in the Moby wrap, despite cramps. At noon, Nathan finally came back home, but by this time, Eliza was ready to sleep for the day. We slept for two hours. It was glorious. I woke up, threw on a pair of jeans, and went to job training at the Marriott (I'll explain the job later).

Two hours into training, I came home to nurse and change into more formal clothes for a company dinner after an hour long orientation meeting for employees and spouses/close friends. The horrible cramping continued unfortunately.

Nathan was my +1, but had to stay home to watch Eliza. As I walked into the orientation, my trainer asked: "Oh! Are you alone?! You're the only one so far. Maybe someone else will be a -1 and can sit by you." Ouch. She was friendly though, so I wasn't angry, just pretty sad I had to sit alone. Not a big deal- I know! But after a long day, I am usually emotional for no reason. About 45 minutes into the presentation, I looked down and noticed I had completely soaked my shirt. Yes, I know. Gross. Lots of information. It's a detail that contributes important information regarding how I was feeling tonight. I was horrified. Embarrassed. I wanted to crawl underneath my desk, but instead I felt tears trying to push their way forward. Nope. They aren't getting through. So, I managed to hold back the tears and cross my arms- a weak attempt to cover the obvious, but oh well.

I skipped the dinner part of the evening because Nathan couldn't join me and needed to be a band practice (which he has had to cancel the last three times). A free five course meal at the Marriott? No thanks.

Fifteen minutes later, Nathan arrived with Eliza to pick me up. Mercifully. Only she was frantically screaming. I broke ten laws or so, removing her from her carseat in order to nurse her. Meanwhile, only one thing could make me happy. Unhealthy, cheap, fast food- Taco Bell. My husband is a good man and took me to the big bell to get my dinner.

We arrived home. Husband left immediately because he was already late. I continued to feed the baby. She finally fell asleep so I got up to change and wash my hands before eating. I came back to the couch to eat my sumptuous meal...

And...

Toby had eaten it. Both tacos. Lettuce everywhere. Shells broken. Cheese stuck to the couch and wrapper askew, BUT....no meat anywhere. That little pest. I was going to yell at him, but he looked so pathetic that I couldn't. Pushover, I know.

However, the cherry to my evening was (I know this is perhaps a lot of information) my IUD. I am having some troubling and worrisome issues with this little mechanical device that is now in my body. Enough so that I am calling my doctor first thing in the morning and maybe even going somewhere tonight if things don't get better. If anyone has had an IUD and knows someone who has one, any information of side effects that aren't always "googleable" would be appreciated.

So, now, I am on the couch with my colicky baby screaming on my chest, hoping my husband comes home soon. Really, I was probably complaining some. I'm sorry. Today has just been hard- more difficult than I imagined most days of motherhood and "real" life.

But then I think, I prayed for this. I wanted this. Ok...so not "this" as in the screaming, sick baby and health issues, but the "this" as in a family. I know that Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle, so obviously, I can handle this. I can make it through today and the rest of this morning with my screaming daughter if I have to. I don't have to feel defeated or ashamed for having a trying time- lots of women experience this.

Point of this post: I love my life, even when days are hard. Right now, I am consciously deciding to be happy and really, it does help (as cliche as it sounds). Thanks everyone for reading this rant. Wish me luck! Prayers are appreciated too, along with any advice :)

I hope you all enjoyed your day!