Babies Are Simple

Hormotional

2012-02-16T13:49:00.000-08:00

My hormones are crazy these days, and I remain overly emotional due to the high stress of parenting and sleep deprivation. With the events of the last 12 hours, I feel as though I am emotionally overloaded with both exciting news and tragic news.

The good news is, in fact, joyous news, so it undoubtedly deserves its own post. The sad news, though, is weighing on me so heavily that I need to get some thoughts off of my chest now.

If you have been reading my blog for the past couple of months, you probably have noticed that I am a bit overwhelmed with twin and toddler parenthood. I continually try to give myself pep-talks and keep a positive attitude, but some nights, when it is 3 AM and both babies cannot be comforted, I have moments where I plead with Heavenly Father to give me strength and sustain me for just one more hour.

These days, I live minute by minute. I love to plan and schedule life, but I am learning to pray for strength on an hourly basis, rather than a daily one. If I have no expectations for the morning or evening, then I don't have to focus on anything other than surviving the moment I am in.

Nathan often tells me that unhappiness comes when expectations differ from reality. I try to limit my ideals regarding the twins, so I am overjoyed when they sleep a two hour stretch. If I had dreams of them sleeping through the night, I would constantly be disappointed and unhappy. I also keep the same mindset with Eliza and her fierce independence. I try desperately to allow my children to exist within their own mold and not to compare them to their peers, who are seemingly more "normal" at times.

I say all of this because of some news I received last night. I have two sisters-in-law who are expecting babies today. Because of this, I was checking my phone constantly for updates. Of course, I got onto Facebook during this time. One of my favorite things to do is read posts from other mothers in my "Mothers of Multiples" group. I have been a member of this group since June when we found out we were expecting twins. All of us mothers had twins around the same time and over the past few months, we have shared our pregnancy updates, our fears regarding delivery, our joyous birth announcements, and now our day to day struggles and triumphs. We have undoubtedly become very close as we have shared this journey.

And today, my heart is broken by a terrible tragedy that has befallen a fellow twin mother. Our friend, "M," posted that one of her twins was in the intensive care unit with a broken collar bone and brain hemorrhaging. Her son, "B," was the victim of shaken baby syndrome. M works long hours at the hospital, so her husband was alone with two very fussy babies for 12 hours a day. Apparently, he could not handle the stress. They are a loving couple and family, and I feel sorry for all people involved.

I am sharing this because if anything can come from such a tragedy, it should be knowledge. M let us know about her darkest hour to put things in perspective for all of us mothers who felt defeated and overly tired. She wanted us to know that it is always okay to walk away from a crying baby and that asking for help is never a sign of weakness. She wanted us to know that our babies are precious blessings.

My heart aches for little B. I have looked at Ezra and Elliott a hundred times since I read M's post and each time, my heart pounds with a surge of love for them. I need to stop thinking about this tragedy so much, but I wanted to share this story in order to ask for prayers for M and her little boy.

The baby was transported to a hospital in a different state. M's husband has been arrested, and she is with her other son in a hotel. Our twin group has set up a way to make donations to her family during this time of need, but I know prayers are one of the best ways anyone can help. If you are interested in donating, I have a link to the secure donation site. It will only be active for 24 hours.

Even with all of the crying and sleepless nights, I consider it a privilege to be a mother. I realize I am incredibly blessed with gifts from God. One friend said, " I know that we don't necessarily deserve God's gifts, but He trusts us, and we should never take these children, these gifts, for granted."

So true.

Valentine's Day For the Weary

2012-02-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day for Nathan and me meant dressing Eliza in various red and pink outfits, painting nails pink (Nathan's nails included), and avoiding all forms of food (including candy). Yes. We were sick on Valentine's Day. As a special gift to us, Cheryl and Rex watched the children, so Nathan and I could go to bed at 9.

These days, sleep is more precious than any form of jewelry or chocolate. Therefore, we couldn't have given each other a better gift!

I suppose we'll celebrate Valentine's Day and go on an actual date in a few months (or years?). In the meantime, we don't mind sharing this romantic holiday with our little Valentines. They really are what we love most, so why not?

I can imagine Ezra thinking, "Punch!"

But really, does somebody want to offer to babysit? And do you think it would ruin the date if I had to bring my breast pump to the restaurant? My life is super glamorous.

(p.s. I am going to start labeling some of the pictures with the boys' names. My friend Becky, who has identical twin sons, does this, and I love it! I like knowing who is who...and I bet my mom does, too).

Can I Join In?

2012-02-13T22:30:00.001-08:00

While I was busy growing twins for six months (i.e. on bedrest and ordered to limit all physical activity), Nathan took over all parenting responsibility. If Eliza and I wanted to "play" together, she would crawl into bed with me and watch one of her favorite shows. If she wanted to do anything else, she went to Nathan.

I've said it before, but Nathan is a wonderful father. Eliza and he have an incredibly strong bond, and it is no secret that she would rather hang out with her dad than with anyone else. They have their own games, their own jokes, and their own routine.

The past couple of months, I have attempted to join their daily routine. From making breakfast with Eliza to putting her to bed, I have tried to take on a normal, active parenting role. For weeks, Eliza has resisted the change to her routine.

When she wakes up and sees that Nathan is asleep (because he has been awake with the twins all night), she immediately asks, "Where's Daddy?" When we play games together, she always needs to "find Daddy" or "show Daddy." When it is time to go to sleep, she insists that Nathan be the last person to tuck her in. Most of the time, it doesn't hurt my feelings; I realize she is trying to adapt to a new schedule and that change is hard for any toddler. Sometimes, though, I want her to ask, "Where's Mommy?"

Tonight, Nathan was falling asleep on the couch and had a sleeping Elliott on his chest. I decided I would put Eliza to bed and make sure she didn't come out of her room twenty minutes later, asking for Nathan.

We brushed our teeth, read our books, sang all of our favorites songs, and then finally said our prayers. Eliza can say most of the prayer on her own, but sometimes needs a little assistance. Halfway through the prayer tonight, Eliza stalled. I encouraged her to continue and directed her to list the people she was grateful for (she loves this part). The following prayer then took place:

Me: "We're thankful for Grandma--"
Eliza: "And Daddy!"
Me: "And Papa--"
Eliza: "And Daddy!"
Me: "And Ezra--"
Eliza: "And Daddy!"
Me: "And Elliott--"
Eliza: "And Daddy!!!"

"--" means that I couldn't even finish listing the names before Eliza interrupted me, saying "And Daddy!"

I told her "I love you" (to which she responded, "I love Daddy") and turned to leave the room. As I shut the door, she called out, "I wanna sleep with Mama. Stay with me, Mama!"

Eliza always want to sleep alone (or not sleep at all). I decided it wouldn't hurt to stay with her just once. I have never fallen asleep with her at night, so I just watched her as she dozed off. Her curls framed her cute little face and she put one hand under her cheek, while the other clutched her blanket. I was lost in one of those "mommy moments," staring at my sleeping daughter, when suddenly, Eliza's eyes flew open.

I nearly screamed and couldn't stop myself from audibly gasping. For a moment, we just stared at each in the dark room. Her eyes were sleepy and she looked confused for a moment. A look of realization then came over her face. She sighed one word, "Mama," and instantly fell asleep. It mattered that I was there.

I love how small moments like this can make every effort worthwhile. Yes, I was still tired when I left the room. Yes, I still had two other children to put to sleep. I felt loved, though, and I knew my daughter felt my love for her.

Maybe I've got this routine thing under control.

Every Trick in The Book

2012-02-12T14:45:00.000-08:00

Last night, we pulled out all the stops. Dustin and Heather, Nathan's brother and wife, were visiting with their four children and decided to help us in our time of need. Survivors of a colicky child themselves, they offered some of their expert knowledge. Dustin suggested we keep the babies awake in the afternoon in order for them to sleep better at night. After reading "Healthy Sleep Habits," I was hesitant to follow this advice. Dr. Weissbluth, the book's author, states that "sleep begets sleep," so waking a sleeping baby is not recommended.

By yesterday, though, Nathan and I were willing to try anything. We took turns playing with Elliott (who actually wasn't interested in playing at all)...

and Dustin tried his best to entertain Ezra.

The boys were definitely tired and keeping them awake required a significant amount of effort.

The extended play time was coupled with a change in diet as well. Since Thursday, Ezra and Elliott have been drinking a mixture of breast milk and goat's milk. I thought my breast milk could be the culprit due to the copious amounts of milk and other dairy products that I consume. Because it takes up to two weeks for all the cow's milk proteins to leave one's system, we have been diluting the possibly "tainted" breast milk with goat's milk. As of yesterday, nothing had changed. I was (somewhat) hopeful that the milk solution just needed more time to work.

We gave them baths and rubbed them with "calming" lotion. We fed them, swaddled them, and blared white noises of crashing waves and blowing winds.

AND....

They slept!

Elliott slept from 1 AM to 3 AM, woke up and ate, then fell back asleep from 4 AM to 10 AM. He slept for SIX hours straight--the longest stretch of sleep in his lifetime outside of the uterus! Ezra was a bit more difficult, but managed to sleep a 3 hour block and then four hour block after some coaxing.

We were tremendously pleased with the results. Today, they have been incredibly tired. Instead of eating every two hours, Elliott slept for another 6 hour block. Ezra was close behind him with nearly a 5 hour stretch of sleep. I really hope this isn't a fluke and that they continue to sleep during the nights.

I'm not sure what exactly did the trick, but we are grateful for the rest. I've been dairy free for four days now, so we are going to go back to strictly breastfeeding. I'm sure any residual amounts of dairy in my system are very minimal. We're praying all goes well!

It's amazing how just a few hours of sleep makes me feel like a new woman!

Told You So

2012-02-11T17:05:00.001-08:00

Let me begin by saying that Nathan and I have slept less than 6 hours since Wednesday.

Wednesday afternoon, my mom and mother-in-law offered to each take a baby for the night. Nathan and I were wary of giving them the responsibility of tending to two fussy babies, but decided we desperately needed the sleep. We gave our moms plenty of milk and headed to bed.

At 2 AM, we were still awake. We could hear the boys crying in different parts of the house and it made falling asleep difficult. I felt guilty that our moms were awake, and I also found it impossible not to go running to my babies to take care of them myself. At 5 AM, we took over for my mom. She was alone with Ezra and Elliott so Cheryl could get some sleep before work.

The first thing my mother said was: "This is not normal."

I couldn't help but laugh as I said, "I told you so!" Before my mom even arrived, I had repeatedly told her that the babies never slept at night. She thought I was exaggerating and kept telling me, "Babies wake up. That's what they do. They can't always sleep!" After one colicky baby and a toddler who knows no bedtime, Nathan and I definitely did not have unrealistic expectations regarding the twins and sleep. If we could sleep four hours or even two uninterrupted hours, it would be pure bliss! I tried to explain that they needed to be constantly rocked, bounced, or fed, but none of my explanations seemed to drive the point home.

Staying awake all night with Ezra and Elliott definitely drove the point home. Even though I felt bad that our mothers lost hours of sleep, someone could finally empathize with us and know the situation wasn't "typical."

By Thursday afternoon, my mom and Cheryl were brainstorming possible solutions to our "babies who never sleep" predicament. The boys undoubtedly have enormous amounts of gas which keeps them awake. I thought once the thrush was treated, the gas would disappear. Not so. They continue to writhe and cry all night, but somehow are just fine during the day. My belief is that they are so exhausted from being awake all night that they have to sleep during the day. Who knows, though?

We have tried Mylicon drops (which never worked with Eliza, so I consider them a joke) and changing bottles. We have tried burping them more frequently, and I have stopped eating all dairy. However, the problem persists.

When Eliza had colic, Nathan and I could take turns sleeping. With two babies who constantly cry, we cannot take turns. We are both awake, and we are both miserable. So, if you have any time to spare, could you please send some warm thoughts our way? I welcome any and all suggestions as well. I have tried just about everything in the book, but too much advice never hurt anyone!

Somehow, Nathan and I have been able to stay (mostly) positive. Maybe it's because we have survived colic before and we know that it ends. Maybe it's because we have help during the day (when the babies are amazingly good!). I have moments where I feel as though I can't make it, but we manage to survive another day.

I mentioned before that I believe trials are learning experiences. Last night, I realized that marriage really is not only about love, but about becoming a true partnership. Once one baby fell asleep, Nathan and I both tried to take the fussy baby so the other one could sleep. Nathan didn't say, "Well, my baby fell asleep, so good luck!" Instead, he offered to take the other baby and tried to get me to sleep.

Our sleep deprivation hasn't made us forget the simple courtesies in marriage. In fact, we are more in tune with each other's needs. When the fussiness finally leaves, these memories of my husband's kindness and selflessness will remain.

And that makes me happy. Who knew sleeplessness could be so eye-opening? (Yeah, that was a pun! Get it? Yes, it was cheesy. Yes, I need to go to sleep)

Go Ahead. Scream it Out.

2012-02-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

Our sleep schedule the last two days? You guessed it. Crazy!

On Monday night, Eliza was up for the day at 2 AM. She saw that Nathan and I were awake with the babies and refused to sleep. I begged her to lay down with me and tried every trick in the book to make her sleepy, but nothing worked; she was wide awake.

At 7 AM, I woke my mother up and asked her for help. Nathan and I were desperate for sleep and eventually crawled into bed around 7:45. Eliza was still wide awake and showed no signs of slowing down. She kept yelling at Nathan and I to wake up and get out of bed. My mom eventually had to drag her out of the room because she refused to leave. Her endurance is impressive!

I woke up a couple of times to feed Ezra and Elliott, but went back to sleep each time until 2:45 PM. After sleeping all day, I felt like I had maybe taken a 45 minute nap. Day sleep is the worst kind of sleep, and my body did not appreciate the abuse.

After a sleepless night, Eliza took a five hour nap and went back to bed at 9 PM. I fell asleep tucking her in and said prayers Ezra and Elliott would also sleep. An hour or so later, I awoke and went to feed the boys. They were fed, changed, and swaddled tightly. The lights were off and the conditions were perfect for sleeping.

To make a long story short, Nathan and I got into bed at 5:35 AM. I brought Ezra to bed with us and tried to soothe him. He fell asleep on top of my chest, and I was too scared to move him. What if he woke up? For 2 hours, I laid motionless on my back and played Bejewled on my iPhone (iPhone = sanity). Around 8 or so, I heard Eliza running around and managed to get out of bed. I slid Ezra off my chest and tucked him in next to Nathan.

I remember thinking, "I can sleep now! My mom is awake. Help is here!"

Eliza had different plans, though. She wanted to lay in bed with me, she wanted to pat my face with her baby hands, she wanted to "brush" my hair. At 10 or so, I finally told her "thanks for the love, but no thanks" and sent her to play with my mom. I slept until the boys' next feeding and then tried to put Eliza down for a nap. I could tell she needed to sleep.

Eliza and sleep in the same sentence is seriously a joke. We went through our nap routine, and I told her I was going to lay down with her. I was almost asleep when I felt her knees hit me directly on my neck. She then sat on my head and counted (poked) my eyes. I was so tired that I could honestly not defend myself. I knew she was playing, but this "attacking mommy" act was not okay.

So, I did what any mature parent would do: I played dead (or asleep). I curled up into the fetal position and somehow fell asleep with her jumping on me. When I woke up a couple of hours later, I told Nathan about Eliza's behavior. I was awake enough to address the situation, so we decided to talk with her about "hitting mommy."

She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, Mommy." She then said, "I need time out" and started heading towards our bedroom (where time out is). She turned around and said, "I didn't mean to be mean, Mommy." A few seconds later, we heard our bedroom door shut; she had put herself in time out.

As soon as the door shut, Eliza immediately let out the loudest primal scream. The scream lasted for several seconds, and Nathan and I found ourselves hysterically laughing at the ridiculous situation.

Our daughter puts herself in time out...and then is unhappy about it.

Just a moment later, the door opened and Eliza rejoined us. She joyfully announced, "I'm happy now!"

Feelings of sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and hopelessness momentarily vanished. Nathan and I couldn't stop laughing. Being a parent is hard work. Constantly giving all day is hard work. After days of feeling downtrodden, I couldn't believe I was capable of laughing so much.

I was reminded of the "Come What May, and Love It" talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin at one of our church conferences. In it, he says: "If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." One of the ways we can make it through some of our toughest trials is through laughter. Elder Wirthlin goes on to say, "The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable."

Thank you, Eliza, for today's laughter. I think it was worth the abuse earlier today. And, in the future, feel free to scream it out.

My mother suggested I should follow Eliza's example because, just maybe, it'd make me feel better.

I think I'll refrain for now :)

Doubly Blessed

2012-02-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

He took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.

Mark 10:16

This morning, Ezra and Elliott were blessed in church. The purpose of this ceremony is to name the child before God and give the baby a special blessing. Typically, the father gives the blessing, while several other brethren (family members and close friends) gather around the baby. The blessing does not have to be performed at church (we had a private blessing for Eliza), but we decided to have the ceremony in front of the congregation in order to involve all of the loving people who have recently helped us.

Getting to church on time with three children was utterly chaotic. Nathan had only slept a couple of hours, and I was worried he would fall asleep while saying the prayer. My main concern, though, was making sure Ezra was blessed as Ezra and that Elliott was blessed as Elliott. I wanted the children named correctly before God. That seemed pretty important to me. The night before, I could hardly sleep as I envisioned a scenario where the babies were blessed with the wrong names.

Stressful. Very stressful. And knowing us, it was possible. Very possible.

When the time came for Nathan to bless the first child, I looked at the baby he was holding and whispered, "That's Ezra." Imagine my surprise, then, when just a minute later, I hear Nathan saying: "Elliott Dailey Robbins..."

Cheryl, my mom, and I all opened our eyes and began frantically inspecting the sleeping baby my mother was holding for clues of his identity. I immediately looked at his ear for the tell-tale sign (Ezra's ear has an extra ridge) and was relieved to see that the correct baby was being blessed. Apparently, Nathan knows his sons better than I do.

The babies each received a beautiful, personal blessing and were perfect angels throughout the rest of the meeting. Fortunately, no one asked to hold them or even attempted to touch them. Thank you, kind people! I was worried I was going to have to be rude.

The best part of the event: the baby clothes. Nathan's grandmother found two crocheted outfits for the occasion, and they fit the boys perfectly. Nathan loved the sweater vests (of course).

I did my best to look awake and then attempted to hold both babies without dropping them.

Nathan rescued one baby and we managed to get a photo with both babies not crying. Success! (I love Ezra's finger sticking up, as if to say: "Wait a minute!" Nathan likes to think he was saying, "Robbins Family, number ONE!")

And, we were so glad my mom could make it for the event. We're also happy to have her help for the week. Moms are pretty wonderful.

Newborn Obsessed

2012-02-04T15:15:00.000-08:00

Advice for all of you mothers-to-be: Get newborn photos taken. You will cherish them!

I'm a bit obsessed with these photos. I can't believe Ezra and Elliott were this small only 7 weeks ago. Just two weeks after this, Megan took family photos and they already looked huge. Now, they are triple this size!

Thanks for the photos, Tara!

Killer Queen

2012-02-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

Eliza is our little princess. Like any princess, she has a number of poses. These are some of her more delicate faces:

Somber

Pouty

Happy!

Mischievous

However, not all of Eliza's faces are "princess" like. In fact, she is quite often our--
Killer Queen.

9 times out of 10, she is making this face. Typical.

Send in the Troops?

2012-02-03T12:34:00.000-08:00

Sunday night, I decided it was time to take back my life and adopt a routine. This routine meant the twins would sleep in their crib and that Nathan and I would go to bed at the same time. For the past few weeks, Nathan and I have set up camp in the basement. There is ample space for all of our baby gear (swings, amby bed, bassinet, bouncer, gliders) and the person "on duty" sleeps on the couch, while one of us sleeps in the downstairs bedroom. Around 3 AM, we switch shifts. Somehow, I envisioned Ezra and Elliott peacefully sleeping and tag teaming feedings with Nathan. We'd get more sleep this way and assume a more "normal" life.

Well, you know what that say about the best laid plans....

Ezra and Elliott were fussier than usual and insisted on receiving constant attention. Each baby required one parent and by 3 AM, Nathan and I decided that us both being awake was a very bad idea--albeit a necessity. Additionally, Eliza had a very hard time going to sleep and required attention off and on throughout the night. Nathan finally fell asleep from sheer exhaustion around 5 AM, and, for the first time since Eliza's colic days ended, I pulled an all-nighter.

By the time Cheryl and Rex woke up for breakfast, I was nearly delirious. And when Eliza woke up at 6:15, I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry. Needless to say, it was a very long day (and it's probably a very good thing I didn't blog about this until four days later). I hadn't slept at all, Nathan had slept for less than two hours, and Eliza was extremely grumpy because she was running on 5 hours of sleep herself.

When Cheryl returned from work that afternoon, I was still in our bedroom, trying to soothe both babies. The thought of relocating to the basement had felt too overwhelming, so I had stayed in bed all day with Ezra and Elliott. I tried in vain to get them to sleep. Nathan was off fighting his own battle with Eliza and was unable to help much. Consequently, as soon as I saw Cheryl, I burst into tears.

Staying in one room for an entire day was a bad plan. Crying babies and an unhappy toddler were no fun. Not sleeping for over 30 hours was not healthy.

Thankfully, my wonderful mother-in-law is a problem solver. While I continued to hope Ezra and Elliott would feel relief from the thrush, Cheryl jumped into action. She started calling ladies from church, asking if anyone would be interested in coming over to "rock a baby." Additionally, she started scheduling play-dates for Eliza for the mornings. By Monday night, a number of women in our little community had volunteered to help our family. We had helpers coming over each morning and moms scheduled to pick Eliza up for play-dates for the remainder of the week.

In the midst of Monday's madness, I was sobbing as I asked Cheryl: "What am I supposed to learn from this?" I know trials are learning experiences, but I couldn't possibly understand what I knowledge I was supposed to gain from two crying babies.

It's now Friday, and I feel like I have learned quite a bit in the last few days.

To begin, I am amazed by the generosity of others. The willingness of individuals to serve those in need is overwhelming and truly a testament of Christ-like love. Yesterday, the woman who came to help in the morning has 8 children of her own. This amazing lady actually found a babysitter for her younger children so she could come help us for a couple of hours. Meanwhile, another friend from church (the first woman's sister-in-law--the two are married to identical twin boys, funny enough) took Eliza to play for nearly FIVE hours! Eliza had so much fun, and we couldn't believe how much different it was to watch twins versus twins plus a toddler.

Secondly, Nathan and I were reminded to be grateful for our trials. I think this is a lesson God really wants me to learn. Every time I have an episode where I feel like I cannot handle life's challenges, I am reminded that everything is, in fact, alright. Oftentimes (like last week), the reminder comes from some small incident, which is immediately followed by feelings of peace and acceptance. This time, though, the news that put things in perspective was no small incident.

On Wednesday, we received word that Nathan's cousin, who was also pregnant with twins, lost one of her babies during delivery. I have never met this woman, but my heart broke imagining the situation. Cheryl told me the news while I was holding Ezra, and I couldn't help but to cry and hold him closer. Later on that night, when Nathan and I were alone, he looked over at me and said: "Could you imagine only having one of our babies?"

My first response was to say, "Nathan, why would you ask such a thing?!" The thought was too painful to even entertain for a second. That thought was another woman's reality, though. I quietly responded, "No. I couldn't imagine it"

I know that raising twins who constantly require attention isn't a trial. It's absurd for me to even think that now. Instead, it's a labor of love. It's hard, but I am glad to have my children and will accept whatever consequences come with the territory.

Third lesson: I love my husband. It's easy to get frustrated with your spouse when you are running on absolutely no sleep, but Nathan and I have emerged from another round of sleep deprivation victorious.

And lastly, the fact that mothers love their children has been reiterated several times this week. I'm so lucky to have a mother-in-law who treats me like a daughter and does whatever she can to help. I am also blessed to have a mother who was willing to drop everything and fly across the country (for the second time in 6 weeks) to come help. That's right! My mom is coming today! It wasn't cheap or easy, but I am so happy! She'll be here in less than four hours. I can't believe it.

Another long and emotional post. I did it again! Can you tell I have a lot on mind?

(p.s. I think the thrush is gone!)

9 Week Stats

2012-02-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

Today, Ezra and Elliott went in for their 8 week check up (a week late, that is). Here is how each boy is measuring up:

Ezra

Weight: 11 pounds 3 ounces

Length: 22.3 inches

Elliott

Weight: 11 pounds 13 ounces

Length: 22.75 inches

Elliott is in the 97th percentile for both weight and length for his adjusted age. Ezra is in the 90th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for length. According to our pediatrician, they are perfect (but we already knew that).

The boys had immunizations automatically scheduled with their appointments, which caused some commotion when Nathan and I explained we wanted to defer and also stagger all immunizations. Needless to say, our pediatician was not happy. For five solid minutes, we had an awkward conversation, where we assured her we knew what we were doing and that "yes, we don't want all immunizations today." I felt like I was 5 years old, rather than a competent parent.

When Nathan and I were married, I never thought immunizations for our children would be one of our major disagreements. Growing up with a nurse as a parent, I was taught to get every immunization in exact agreement with the planned schedules. Conversely, Nathan's family is more holistic. He was taught to pick and choose immunizations based on research and experience.

Our compromise: We give our children most vaccinations, but we delay the shots until they are a bit older (all of our babies were premature). We also only do one shot at a time--no cocktails.

Nathan and I are happy with our decision and thrilled we were able to compromise. To then have a pediatrician bring up an already touchy subject (and then lecture us) was not my ideal trip to the doctor's office. Eliza's pediatrician in Provo was very understanding of the situation and certainly did not make us feel as though we were ignorant and careless individuals. Like any parent, we want what is best for our children. I tried to remain calm and remind myself that the doctor had the babies' best interest in mind; it just was frustrating to go back and forth for several minutes and feel like a bad person in the end.

Other than that, the experience was positive. It's wonderful to see our babies growing and to know they are healthy. Nathan had to loosen their carseat straps a generous amount in order to get them to fit! The boys were happy to be out and couldn't stop looking around with all the bright lights. To be honest, I noticed just how blue their eyes are today. They are never in harsh lights at home (of course) and we are always trying to keep their eyes closed. So, when then they opened their baby blues under the fluorescent office lighting, I almost couldn't believe my own eyes! They (the boys, the eyes) are gorgeous.

We also received an extraordinary amount of attention using the Double Snap 'N Go. At all other visits, we simply carried the boys and the fact that we had two babies was less obvious. There is no hiding twinhood while pushing the double stroller, though!

I guess it's just a taste of things to come in the future. I'm an extrovert, so I don't mind the attention. Nathan, on the other hand, would prefer to hide in the corner and have no one come talk to us. Sorry, Nathan, but you are going to be popular when you take the twins out in public :)

Better get used to it!

Binkie HIjacker

2012-01-31T16:24:00.000-08:00

It only took 2 1/2 years, but Eliza finally takes a pacifier.

(I should also take pictures of her in the babies' bouncer and swings. Reverting, much?)

2 Months With Twins

2012-01-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

At two months old, Ezra and Elliott are still struggling with upset stomachs and sore mouths due to thrush. Sadly, the last month has been exhausting for them, but hopefully things are about to change. Despite sickness, each boy has started to show a developing personality.

Elliott

Elliott is the big brother. He tends to eat more each feeding and sleeps a little longer than Ezra. He has been less affected by the thrush, so he is a bit happier than his brother most days. Most notably, Elliott definitely knows when he wants to be held. If, for some reason, his cries are not immediately answered with a loving touch, he becomes hysterical. Nathan likes to say he goes from "0 to 60 in two seconds."

Once held, Elliott loves to face you and cuddle. He will then lift his head and stare directly into your eyes for as long as he possibly can. He loves making eye contact and has such a sweet smile. He knows his father's voice and will turn his head, looking for Dad, as soon as he Nathan speaks. He is more introspective and calm.

I love him. He always smells so wonderful, and I find myself constantly breathing him in and kissing his baby head.

Ezra

Ezra is the baby brother. Nathan and I lovingly refer to him as our youngest child, although he is only 8 minutes younger than Elliott. Ezra has had a difficult month. Before thrush, his grandfather jokingly nicknamed him "E-Z" because he was such an "easy" baby, who never made a sound. These days, he tends to have more difficulty falling asleep and loves being rocked or held close. Nathan is usually the only person who can bounce Ezra soundly asleep. Once asleep, Ezra wiggles with stomach pain and cannot sleep for longer than an hour or so. Fortunately, he has found solace in his binky and enjoys being tightly swaddled.

Ezra has piercing eyes. Sometimes, when I am holding him, I feel as though he is looking straight into my soul! He has the longest eyelashes (so does Elliott), which frame his beautiful blue eyes. He is a curious baby, who does his best to look around the room take in all of his surroundings. Like his brother, Ezra enjoys being held close and falls right to sleep once he is snuggled up against someone. He is precious, and we love him so much. I feel so guilty he has been sick for so long. I know once the thrush is gone, he will go back to being a happy baby.

Although smaller than Elliott in weight, Ezra weighed 10 pounds 14 ounces at the doctor on Thursday (we won't know Elliott's weight until Wednesday). He is currently in the 98th percentile for his adjusted age. The pediatrician said she was actually worried about him gaining too much weight. We can hardly believe he was just 4 pounds two months ago!

This week, the boys actually reached one of their first milestones. On Tuesday, each boy started to smile! I was feeding Ezra when Nathan ran into the room, holding Elliott. He proudly exclaimed, "Elliott is smiling at me!" He was obviously excited about the event, and I smiled a little as I told him, "Well, Ezra has been smiling for the last hour!" I wonder if they'll reach most milestones around the same time (or even day again).

Let's Be Happy

2012-01-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

While washing bottles this morning, I leaned against the sink and somehow managed to soak the bottom of my shirt with water. As I patted my stomach dry, I realized how much my body has changed in two months. Most notably, I am not pregnant with two babies anymore and burdened with a huge, cumbersome belly. And, for a (very) brief moment, I missed the feeling of knowing I was carrying two little ones--not actual pregnancy, just that feeling.

My life is chaotic these days, and I typically don't have time to muse anything other than, "Who's been nursed?," "Have I eaten today?," and "What's Eliza doing?" But this morning, despite the hectic schedule and babies crying, I had a moment to feel overwhelmingly grateful for my children. I mean, down on my knees thanking my Heavenly Father for such wonderful blessings, kind of grateful.

For nearly 8 months, I fought for Ezra and Elliott. I worried about them every day, prayed for their safety constantly, and laid in bed for months, thinking of them and loving them. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I desperately wanted that baby. When I found out we were having twins, I was elated and prayed even harder that everything would be okay. I remember those feelings of nauseating worry and all the moments I told myself to focus on a positive outcome.

Everything ended up being alright. Better than alright, actually.

Looking at the situation now, things haven't been ideal lately. I am tired of the boys being in pain. I am tired of pumping breast milk and bottle feeding while we treat the thrush. I am tired of boiling everything 4 times a day. I am tired.

When looking at the big picture, though, things couldn't be better. I focused on all of the answered prayers, and I felt immensely lighter. I could feel some psychological burden lift, and I couldn't wait to hold both of my babies--crying or not. The anxiety of pregnancy and the trauma of delivery didn't matter.

Everything was worth it. Everthing is worth it.

(Disclaimer: In my defense, hormonal, post-partum women are allowed to write cliche, emotional posts...especially when they are sleep-deprived).

After All of This Time?!

2012-01-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

MAM pacifiers were the answer!

If you want to save yourself 24 dollars worth of unused pacifiers (we bought every kind that we could find), go ahead and go straight to MAM's. I know every baby is different, but Ezra and Elliott love these pacifiers. Nathan and I tried Nuks, Soothies, Avent, and Dr. Brown's pacifiers and none of them did the trick. Eliza never took a pacifier, so I am delighted the boys decided MAM's were good enough for them!

Thanks for the recommendation, Caitlin! And thank you Suzanne (her mother) for buying them for Theodore!

Small Town Woes

2012-01-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

Living in a small town, options for just about everything are limited.

Hungry? You can go to McDonald's or a handful of local restaurants.

Need groceries (or anything, really)? Walmart.

Need a pediatrician? Oh. We have one.

Over three weeks ago, I knew Ezra and Elliott had thrush because I had been diagnosed with a case of it. I've mentioned thrush several times, but just to recap, it is a fungal infection due to candida yeast. Nursing mothers and their babies are affected and both parties require treatment in order for the yeast to go away. After I received medication to help clear my infection, I immediately scheduled an appointment with the pediatrician.

However, because the babies did not have the obvious symptom of white sores in their mouths, the pediatrician did not want to write a prescription for anything (regardless of the other symptoms). I was frustrated, but didn't know what to do other than treat myself and go on our way.

Once we eliminated formula and my thrush went away, it seemed as though everything would be fine. But then, my thrush returned last week, which meant the boys still had the infection as well. It also meant they had most likely reinfected me; it didn't matter that I had taken medicine if they weren't also treated.

My frustration grew. Could I get a second opinion? No. Because I'm in Othello.

I mentioned that I demanded Nystatin when I went to my doctor on Monday. This was supposed to effectively treat all three of us. Last night, though, when I was reading the box the medicine came in, the words: "Not safe for nursing mothers" were clearly stated on the package. Hmmm....Apparently, there are several forms of Nystatin and the one I was prescribed is only safe for the mother. Wonderful.

And to top it off, the boys are increasingly miserable. Ezra is in such obvious pain that he just cries soft sobs all day and looks up at us with the saddest eyes. Elliott is doing a bit better, but he also requires constant patting and bouncing in order to sleep.

After another long (and sleepless) night, I called the pediatrician and scheduled another appointment. I explained the situation and the receptionist explained there was only one opening, so only one baby could be seen today. Okay? How much longer does it take to look into two babies' mouths? We decided to take Ezra because he was awake and still fussing, while Elliott had finally fallen asleep.

Nathan left with Ezra, and I told him not to leave the office without medicine for the babies. I was serious, too! For weeks, we have tried to get rid of this thrush. Nathan returned a short while later with the medicine and said the pediatrician had seen sores in Ezra's mouth and was convinced he had thrush. So, in order to be treated, he had to have full-blown thrush and suffer for weeks.

Like any mother, I felt furious. I wanted to drive over to the office and say: "Are you happy now?! Now that he is in obvious pain?" Hours later, I am still upset (obviously). Additionally, because Ezra only went in, we only received a prescription for one baby. Also ridiculous. We'll be taking Elliott in as soon as possible, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's mostly just annoying.

Point of the story: Driving to a different city to see another doctor would have been worth it. Just because you are a stay-at-home mother and a self professed worrier, doesn't mean you can't properly diagnose your children. You know your kids! You are smart!

I just hate knowing the current scene in our house could be different. Nathan is bouncing an inconsolable Ezra, and Elliott refuses to sleep despite being ridiculously tired. They are still hurting, but at least we can actually do something for them now. That is an immense relief.

End Mama Bear rant.

At Least It Isn't Colic, Right?

2012-01-25T22:50:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days, Ezra and Elliott have been incredibly fussy. It's not just at night now--it's all day long. Eliminating supplemental formula fixed everything for a few days, but now their fussiness is back with a vengeance. They constantly need to be held in order to calm down and cannot sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. We are still combatting thrush, so I can only assume their stomachs are upset because of that.

When I went to the doctor on Monday, I somewhat forcefully asked for a prescription of Nystatin. This is the medicine that is usually recommended for treating thrush and is safe for both the babies and me. For some reason, I was initially prescribed a medicine that cannot be ingested by the boys, which means it was a pain to use. More importantly, though, because Ezra and Elliott were not treated directly for thrush, we can constantly pass the infection back and forth. Not fun. Hopefully, this new medicine will do the trick.

The discomfort Ezra and Elliott are experiencing is different than anything Eliza ever had; Eliza was in constant pain. She screamed for hours rather than moving around with gas and softly crying. Being held and bounced did nothing for Eliza, but it does wonders for Ezra and Elliott. Additionally, the boys were wonderful sleepers in the beginning, while Eliza never slept a decent stretch of time once she came from the hospital.

So, I have hope. Things are going to get better, right?

The sleep deprivation is out of control, so the number of hours spent awake can only decrease at this point. Looking back at earlier posts, I can almost laugh as I think, "Wait. I was tired then? And I was sleeping 6 hours!?" Recently, Nathan and I are down to 2-4 hours a day/night. After sleeping two hours on Sunday night and four hours on Monday, I had vertigo so badly this morning that I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't stand up, and I threw up when I finally got out of bed. Thankfully, my husband again sacrificed his own sleep and sent me back to bed this morning when my shift was supposed to start. And again, my amazing mother-in-law saves the day. She scheduled a play date for Eliza, watched the children so Nathan and I could both rest, and made sure we had lunch and dinner.

I have waves of feeling overwhelmed and completely hopeless, but somehow, Nathan and I have been able to remain optimistic (overall). We lived through colic and nothing can hold a candle to that. We make jokes about the situation and try to keep things in perspective, as we remind ourselves that this phase will eventually pass. We're just glad Ezra and Elliott can be soothed most of the time and that they aren't in great pain.

More and more, we see it was a blessing in disguise to have a first child who thoroughly prepared us for twins and sleeplessness. Ezra and Elliott haven't got anything on Eliza!

Is This Real Life?

2012-01-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

Nathan and I frequently find ourselves asking, "What day is it?" Nathan seems to have a more difficult time keeping things straight, though.

Case in point:

This Friday, the following conversation occurred:

"While we feed the babies, do you want to watch Grimm?"

"Wait. It's on again?"**

"Yeah. There's a new episode. It's Friday."

"It feels like we just saw an episode. Are you sure it's Friday?"

"Yep. Pretty sure."

"Well, that week was a blur!"

Thank goodness for DVR and semi-decent television shows (Grimm, Face Off and 30 Rock). Otherwise, I really would have no frame of reference for knowing the days of the week (aside from Sunday when Cheryl and Rex take Eliza to church).

**Correction: Upon reading this post, Nathan reminded me that he actually said, "Wait. It's Grimm day?" Apparently, it was worse than I thought.

And the Heavens Opened...

2012-01-21T02:03:00.000-08:00

And gave us snow! Lots of it.

Even though we have been unable to leave the house the past two days, I consider this snowfall to be a godsend.

Like I have said in earlier posts, Nathan and I are exhausted. We've been exhausted for weeks, but the past few days have been particularly trying. We have said countless prayers that we would be able to sleep more and because of the inclement weather, our prayers were indirectly answered.

Cheryl is a schoolteacher and there is no school when the weather is this bad. Therefore, the last two days, Nathan and I have been able to sleep and focus on recovery while Cheryl takes care of the children and a million other things around the house (i.e. laundry, dinner, etc). She is truly amazing, and I am so lucky to have her as a mother-in-law.

Thankfully, Ezra and Elliott are wonderful sleepers during the day; they just refuse to sleep at night. Because we have Eliza to love and entertain, it hasn't been possible for Nathan and I to "sleep when the babies sleep" (which is the advice so many caring individuals have given us). Today, though, I managed to sleep between every feeding until 4 PM! After I woke up, Nathan was also able to nap; I am sure he appreciated sleeping without having to constantly worry if I needed help.

Tonight, my constant dizziness has almost completely disappeared and I even had time to take a shower! We are feeling very fortunate and well-rested this evening (well, it's 2 AM, but time is irrelevant here).

After sleeping all day, it's funny how much I missed my little ones. I was so anxious to hold Ezra and Elliott and snuggle with Eliza. I love being a mother, and I love these children. The lack of sleep is totally worth it.

You Know You're Tired When...

2012-01-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

You fall asleep while eating a Wheat Thin.

You wake up from a brief nap because you are finishing some random sentence. (I never talked in my sleep before this!)

You're too tired to walk up the stairs, so you do the mature thing and crawl.

Sipping water from a straw requires too much effort.

You try to read in an effort to calm your mind and the page turns into a blur.

You make the shocking realization that you have been wearing the same pajamas for 4 days. It's time to shower. Gross.

In all seriousness, though, this sleep deprivation stuff is real. I started reading Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins last night and learned so much in just a few pages. The first chapter essentially validated my feelings of exhaustion and focuses on the importance of sleep for the whole family.

Dr. Weissbluth has worked with twin parents for over 35 years and stated, " Regardless of how old you are or what you went through to conceive your twins, or whether you have fraternal or identical twins, when they do not sleep well, the primary caregiver--usually Mom--suffers. Sleep deprivation undermines all aspects of her life and interferes with her ability to discover and execute solutions to help the twins sleep better."

Admittedly, I have lost my ability to problem solve. Otherwise, I would probably be wearing clean clothes. That being said, I welcome any and all advice. Hopefully, my book and fellow mothers (and friends in general) will have some good advice for me!

(p.s. Thank you for all of the suggestions so far. And thank you, Amber, for the comment! I started reading the book yesterday and then was encouraged to continue reading when I read your advice. Thank you, thank you!)

Dear Crying Babies

2012-01-16T16:46:00.000-08:00

I've got your number.

Nathan and I know a little about upset babies. By that, I mean we are experts.

When Eliza was born, her stomach issues and colic began immediately. I remember Nathan rushing to Walgreens for Mylicon drops at 3 AM the first night we had her home because she was screaming and obviously in pain. We didn't realize we were at the beginning of nearly 7 months of sleepless days and nights. Poor baby. Poor parents.

We spent weeks trying to help our daughter. I did an elimination diet, I expressed milk before nursing thinking she could have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, we gave her Zantac, and then tried formula that contained no milk or soy. We even took her to an infant chiropractor, which provided some relief and a partial diagnosis of a hiatal hernia.

After working for months with a lactation consultant and our pediatrician, we finally concluded she had an inability to break down the protein in human breast milk and all forms of milk in formula. Crazy, right? The lactation consultant said she had only seen one other case of this in 15 years and it very rarely occurred in premature babies with immature digestive systems. The solution for Eliza ended up being goat's milk. Two of Nathan's brothers had colic as babies and Cheryl recommended it as an alternative. It was our miracle milk. As soon as she had the goat's milk, she was a normal and happy baby. It may sound weird to some, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

During these dark days (I seriously associate that time with darkness because it was the middle of winter and I often sat in the dark, hoping it would help Eliza sleep), Nathan would jokingly say, "Twins would be easy compared to this!"

What prophetic words. And you know what? He was absolutely right.

Ezra and Elliott have had stomach issues for the last couple of weeks, but the situation has been entirely different. While they do not scream for hours every day, they do whimper and need constant patting and bouncing in order to sleep. I was feeling a bit depressed to have fussy babies again (although appreciative they weren't crying nonstop) and tried to remember when their discomfort began.

If I could find a correlation to something, then I would have my answer. The obviously correlation was to mastitis and thrush. I am still battling thrush, so I just assumed yeast was the culprit. However, the boys no longer have any obvious symptoms, and I remembered Eliza and how her stomach pain caused her to want to nurse ALL DAY LONG. The boys' ravenous appetites started a week before the thrush, and I just attributed everything to that one problem. Wrong.

Cheryl was able to make the correlation. This was the same time that I told myself: Formula won't hurt the babies--especially if they only have one scoop at night. That is less than half of a feeding. Less than HALF! Nathan had given the babies the hospital samples of formula a few nights when he didn't want to wake me up to nurse. And although he had good intentions, I was very upset with him for a couple of reasons: I felt like a failure for not being able to nurse my babies fully, and I thought the formula would mess with their digestive systems.

Well, I got over my "I'm a failure if I give my baby ANY formula" thinking after mastitis landed me in the emergency room. I also realized I needed to sleep and if that meant that the babies needed a scoop of formula, so be it. We assured ourselves it would be okay when we did the math and realized the boys drink nearly 30 ounces a day, so 2 ounces of formula wouldn't affect them too much. Right?

Wrong again. Apparently, our children have very sensitive digestive systems. On Friday, the day after things fell apart and everyone was miserable with sleep deprivation, we decided to withhold the formula. Even though Ezra and Elliott only received it some nights (when I had not pumped enough before sleeping my 3-4 hours), we thought it could still be the culprit. I received a maximum of 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep and nursed and pumped constantly despite pain.

Nathan and I were exhausted (still are exhausted), but apparently our efforts were not in vain. Four days later, they are completely different babies. Starting yesterday, they began sleeping 2-3 hours at a time and eating dramatically less. Because they are eating less, I don't have to worry as much about not having enough milk pumped at night. Babies with upset stomachs often overeat in an effort to feel better, so obviously, things are improving.

I feel relieved and a tad overwhelmed at the same time. While I am happy that my children are feeling better, I again feel the pressure that I have to breastfeed or else! (Or else my children are miserable and we never sleep and things are no fun at all). I have been battling some health problems (in addition to the continuing cases of thrush, blood clots, and fatigue, and vertigo this morning), so it would be nice to know Ezra and Elliott would be okay if I missed one night feeding. I'm crossing my fingers that they start sleeping at least 4 hours in the evening, as that would solve most of the problem!

In the meantime, I am happy to see these peaceful faces again.

p.s. Any and all suggestions are welcome!
p.p.s. Because my blog is my journal, some posts are ridiculously long. Hurray if you made it through this! And sorry!

Reunited and It Feels So Good

2012-01-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

Oh, hey. It's you again!

Yes. This is Eliza's old Amby bed.

Last night, when Ezra and Elliott were both fussing and crying, Nathan suddenly remembered we had our most amazing Amby bed outside in the garage. Less than 10 minutes later, Ezra was happily bouncing in the swing.

Thanks to this lovely contraption, Elliott slept for three hours straight! This hasn't happened since the first week of their lives, so we were pretty ecstatic!

If you have an unhappy baby, Amby beds are the answer; our bed is three for three in the Robbins home!

Operation Maintain Sanity

2012-01-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

Nathan and I are still holding on. And today, I can say we are even more thankful for Cheryl and Rex and the help they provide.

Yesterday, Nathan was exhausted after staying up with Ezra all night. Elliott was also fussy, but Ezra has had some serious stomach issues and couldn't sleep at all. I woke up around 7 AM (after sleeping 4 hours) to feed the babies and sent Nathan to bed a little while later. While he was sleeping, all mayhem broke loose.

Cheryl had arranged a playdate for Eliza, and I needed to get her ready for the outing. Ezra needed to be constantly held and fed in order to be somewhat happy, so I tried dressing Eliza while carrying a baby. She became frustrated that Nathan was asleep and unable to play, so she decided to throw every piece of her Mr. Potato Head at me. She then screamed for a taco (which we had eaten the previous night for dinner), but didn't really understand what she was asking for. It was ridiculous and would have been a laughable scene if I wasn't so tired.

Finally, I calmed her down and realized she just wanted some attention, which was understandable. I was still holding a sleeping Ezra, but managed to play with Eliza while we waited for our friend to pick her up. Suddenly, Elliott was crying and hungry. Ezra then woke up and was wanting to eat. Eliza was looking at me, asking me to finish the puzzle, and I was overwhelmed. The doorbell rang and Eliza refused to go up the basement stairs with me. I couldn't carry her, and I panicked. So, of course, I woke up Nathan.

Nathan made sure she made it off on her playdate, and I fed Ezra and Elliott. He then went back to sleep, and I tried to regroup and relax for a moment. The two hours Eliza was gone went by in a blur of nursing and burping, but I was thankful she had something fun to do. Cheryl came home from work and immediately could tell I was in panic mode.

Like I've said before, something I really need to work on is asking for help. It's so easy to write that I'll do better about vocalizing my thoughts and feelings, but I find myself nearly incapable of saying, "I can't do this. I have to sleep." I've said this before, but my reasoning is: my babies, my responsibility; I should be able to take care of my own children, right?

Cheryl constantly offers her assistance and I repeatedly let her know "I'm fine." Well yesterday, she wasn't buying the "I'm fine" story. She always helps with the babies when she gets home, but she went a step further and offered to fully take over baby responsibility for the night. When Nathan woke up, she insisted that we go to dinner. We decided to take Eliza out with us and had a wonderful time.

Eliza enjoyed drinking out of straws and eating rice.

I enjoyed being out of my pajamas and spending time with two of my favorite people. (I also enjoyed some Coke. DELICIOUS).

I love having two more children, but going out, just the three of us, reminded me of our old, comfortable life. I remembered what it was like to just focus on Eliza and make sure she had all the love and attention she could stand. By the time dinner was over, though, I was more than anxious to get home to Ezra and Elliott.

When we arrived him, I looked in the mirror and realized why Cheryl was so worried about me. My eyes were bloodshot, my skin was noticeably paler than normal, and I looked dreadfully tired. I decided it was time to take Cheryl up on her offer.

Nathan and I managed to let Cheryl sleep until 2 AM before calling for help. She came and sent us straight to bed. For the first time in weeks, we slept at the same time. It felt so weird not having the whole bed to myself! Although I still had to wake up to pump, it was amazing to not have to worry about actually feeding, burping, and changing the boys.

Today, I have taken naps whenever I wanted and have only focused on eating and pumping. Cheryl and Nathan have taken care of everything else. I also think we have solved Ezra's stomach issues, which makes me so happy for him! (and me).

After a day of recovery, I am still looking a little rough. I figure I'm entitled to look worn out for the next few years or so. I'm back to multitasking and staying in my pajamas!

Despite appearances, it's been another good day for me. I sometimes can't believe I feel so positive considering the circumstances. Chinese food, sleep, and a ton of prayers. I guess that's all it takes to make a stressed mother feel better.

Hold On For One More Day

2012-01-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

I'm not ashamed to admit this chorus line from the Wilson Phillips song has been my mantra the last few days.

A few people warned me that my body would eventually give out after weeks of sleep deprivation and neglect. Of course, these people were right. Although I certainly have not had a major breakdown, my stride has slowed, and I know I need to take better care of myself.

Ezra and Elliott continue to eat every 2 hours (sometimes less than that), and I find myself living on the couch in my pajamas, holding a baby while Nathan holds the other. Eliza runs around us, and we take turns making sure she is fed, entertained, and not neglected. She is our little helper and has been much happier the last week or so.

While her mood has improved, Nathan and I are running on empty. Ezra and Elliott are not very fussy throughout the day, but around 8 PM, they suddenly wake up for the night. For the past few days, they have been awake and constantly eating from 8 PM to 2 AM. I nursed Ezra for two hours last night and gave him 6 ounces of milk. Nothing. He was still acting like he was hungry. Tonight, Elliott has joined in on the extreme eating. I've tried pacifiers, swaddling, rocking, anything. They are really just hungry, but the extent of their hunger is mind blowing (they usually eat 4 ounces a feeding).

Because I am constantly feeding someone, I forget to eat. Yesterday, it was 3 PM and I realized I hadn't had a bite to eat all day. Perhaps this is one of the reasons the babies were so ravenous. I felt incredibly guilty for the self-neglect, but eating was really the last thing on my mind. I had been unable to wake up that morning and found myself lying on the couch, completely useless as Nathan took care of the children. Cheryl came home from work and took the babies so we could take a quick nap. Three hours later, I awoke completely disoriented. I couldn't open my eyes fully. I couldn't find the energy to walk up the stairs to the kitchen. I had finally reached a physical breaking point.

Thankfully, I am surrounded by people who can help. Nathan is an amazing husband and father. He and I are a team, and by that, I mean he does way more than I do. He realizes I need rest in order to nurse Ezra and Elliott, so he has sacrificed his own sleep for us. He gets up with the babies, he bathes them, he puts them to sleep after I feed them, he washes bottles, and makes sure Eliza has all the love in the world. Did I also mention that he somehow finds time to work from home as well? It really is amazing. Some days I think about how tired I am and then I look over at Nathan and realize I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Really, I have to brag about him because I am so lucky and grateful

The resemblance is frightening.

So, so tired.

Additionally, we are lucky enough to be living with Cheryl and Rex right now. Cheryl has made countless meals and always makes sure we have clean laundry. She takes Eliza out on trips and to preschool and church. As soon as she gets home from work, she immediately takes a baby. Some days, I know I can make it just because she will be home shortly to help. I don't know how other moms with multiple children handle it all! I am beyond impressed.

Back to Nathan, though. Last night, he suggested (and then strongly suggested after I protested) that I take the early shift, rather than the later one. He thought I might feel better if I slept during normal hours. He also planned on staying up as late as possible so I could sleep longer. Wonderful man. I woke up feeling immensely better. I remembered to eat and I actually had energy to play with Eliza for a couple of hours rather than five minutes here and there.

Now that I have a new plan for resting, my primary focus is eating. I am making a firm commitment to eat several well-balanced meals throughout the day. I am feeding two other people, so foregoing food is not an option. I made sure to eat more often today, and I could obviously tell a difference in how I felt.

So, as it turns out, Wilson Phillips was right. Things are really going my way today. I just had to wait a little while.

6 Weeks

2012-01-09T23:56:00.000-08:00

We've survived another week of twin and toddler parenthood! Nathan and I have somehow managed to keep up with Ezra and Elliott's constant need to eat, while finding a way to keep Eliza entertained. Success!

Elliott

Ezra

These babies continue to drink an obscene amount of breast milk. According to our feeding chart for suggested milk intake, Ezra and Elliott eat nearly double the recommended amount of milk, but I'm not worried about the possibility of them eating too much. I consider the suggested amount just that--a suggestion.

With all of that milk, it is no wonder they are growing at such a rapid pace. They are so much bigger today compared to the photos taken just two weeks ago. I'm hoping they'll soon gain enough weight to reach the milestone where they sleep more than two hours at a time; 12 feedings a day is really wearing us out! They are wonderful babies, though, so Nathan and I really have nothing to complain about.

Now that they are both fuller in the face, it is difficult to tell them apart! We have found one foolproof way to differentiate between them: Ezra's left ear is different! It's a subtle difference, but it has come in handy during moments of confusion. When their eyes are open, there is no doubt as to who is who. A sleeping baby is another story though....

(Elliott on the left; Ezra on the right)

It's Hard Being Two

2012-01-09T00:50:00.000-08:00

Eliza went to church this morning a happy little girl. She was wearing a beautiful new dress from my mother and enjoyed twirling around the house in it. The dress is red and is covered in glitter, so it definitely met Eliza's fashion criteria.

When she came home with Cheryl, the first words out of her mouth were: "I got bonked!" She ran to Nathan and showed her nursery battle wound. Apparently, a little boy was chasing his sister and ran into her. Their heads collided, which caused a massive goose egg to appear on her forehead.

So that was this morning. And then there was tonight.

The past week has been particularly difficult for Eliza (and Nathan and me). For a few days, she did wonderfully in her big girl bed. Then, on Wednesday or so, she decided she could open the door and walk out of her room whenever she wanted. She wants to open the door every time she goes into the room, so it has caused some definite problems. I thought about ordering a crib tent, but then realized Eliza's crib is broken (which helped facilitate her sleeping in a big bed).

The past two nights, she has been awake past 1 AM. Because I am "on shift" with the babies, this means Nathan has to stay awake and take care of the Eliza situation. Obviously, this has ruined our plan for shifts because Nathan isn't able to sleep when he is supposed to.

After a traumatic last night, I decided I would be the enforcer of the bedtime routine (Eliza continually got out of her bed for hours and screamed for Nathan. I thought removing Nathan from the equation would solve the problem). Each time she got out of bed, I put her back in the room. I talked to her the first time, but after the first offense, I said nothing and placed her back in the bed. I've seen Supernanny recommend this trick a dozen times and always hoped I would never have to try it. Thankfully, I had Cheryl to help provide moral support and encouragement.

After an hour of placing her back in the room and two hours of listening to her sob for "daddy not to be mean," she finally fell asleep. I went to check on her and found this heartbreaking scene when I opened the door:

Our little angel, curled up on her blanket, holding her Foofa. I wanted to sob. Instead, I scooped her up and placed her into bed. I wanted to stay with her and just hold her all night. I wanted to tell her that despite having twins, she is still our baby. I wanted to wake her up and tell her sorry for making her cry and just kiss her little face and sing all of her favorite songs.

I was strong, though, and let her sleep. But tomorrow morning, I'll make sure she know she's still our little princess. Hopefully, she won't remember the trauma of tonight. And hopefully, we won't have to go through it again.

Ezra and Elliott at 4 Weeks

2012-01-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

(Thanks again to Megan! Check out her photography blog here)

Suggestions, Please?

2012-01-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

480 diapers. That's when we stopped counting.

In a little over a month, Ezra and Elliott have gone through over 500 diapers. With Eliza still in diapers as well, Nathan and I find them to be one of our biggest monthly expenses. After doing the math and calculating the future costs of keeping all three of our children in diapers, Nathan has decided it is time to do something drastic.

Cloth diapering.

I have been impressed by the dedication of many fellow mothers when it comes to cloth diapering, and I must admit I never saw myself joining their ranks. It seemed so difficult, especially when Nathan and I were both working. I tried cloth on Eliza and quit after a day when she developed a pretty bad diaper rash. Recently though, I have read multiple posts on the subject and have gained some confidence that it is possible to cloth diaper twins. However, it always seems like each mom has different suggestions. Because of this, I would like firsthand advice on what cloth diapering system is the best. My biggest fear is spending money on cloth diapers and then failing to use them because they don't work for some reason. We don't really have the money (who does, really?) to try out several different types of cloth diapers, so it would be nice to start in the right direction.

Maybe it's asking a lot to find the ideal cloth diapering system in one try, but I think with your help, it's definitely a possibility!

Hopefully, I won't give up so easily this time. Nathan is determined to save our bank account and the environment, so I feel like between the two of us, we have a good chance of succeeding!

(Brittany- I have been reading your posts for the last hour or so! What's the final recommendation on your end?)

Wherein We Leave the Pediatrician Speechless

2012-01-05T23:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we took Ezra and Elliott to the pediatrician to be seen for thrush. Nathan and I were fairly excited for the appointment because it meant the babies would be weighed again for the first time in three weeks. We can definitely tell the boys are bigger, so we each made guesses as to how much Ezra and Elliott weighed on the way to the office.

Nathan thought Ezra was about 7 pounds and Elliott was 7 1/2 pounds. I added half of a pound to those amounts, guessing that Ezra weighed 7 1/2 pounds and Elliott weighed 8 pounds.

We were both way off.

Ezra weighs an impressive 8 pounds 8 ounces, while Elliott weighs a staggering 9 pounds 6 ounces!

Let me tell you about their furious pace of growing and remind you of their weight history. Less than three weeks ago, Ezra weighed 5 pounds 9 ounces and Elliott at 6 pounds 6 ounces. They weighed 4 pounds 10 ounces and 5 pounds 5 ounces at birth, but Ezra lost down to 4 pounds 1 ounce, and Elliott went down to 4 pounds 11 ounces before coming home. That's a lot of numbers, but essentially, they have nearly DOUBLED their birth weight! Most babies do not double their birth weight until 6 months, so this is a big deal.

We were shocked. The pediatrician also couldn't believe it.

She walked into the examination room and gasped when she saw the boys. She kept saying, "These aren't the same babies! These are Michelin babies!" (referencing the Michelin man). She then looked at the boys' measurements and was nearly speechless. She kept trying to find a way to convey her shock, but mostly said: "I can't believe it!" and "How!?"

I'll tell you how....endless feedings! That's how!

I let her know we had been feeding them pure, unfortified breast milk (despite her suggestion). I explained that we had used formula one day (while I was on Lortab) and had supplemented their night feedings with formula for several days while I tried to recover. Other than that, though, we did not rely on formula. I also informed her that we were no longer charting their feedings due to the fact that at last count, each boy was eating over 40 ounces a day. There was no question in my mind that 40 ounces of milk a day for a 4 week old was enough nutrition, so I stopped tallying everything.

The pediatrician said no one would ever believe our babies were born prematurely. She then said the words I was dying to hear: "Well, you certainly don't need to use formula at all. Your breast milk should be fine." (And added I was essentially feeding four babies, instead of two.)

Validation! Yes! And yesterday, I really needed it.

While we probably will continue to intermittently use formula, I really needed some sort of morale boost when it came to nursing. I have been in agony for nearly a week now. And yesterday (and particularly the last two nights), I was in unbearable pain throughout the day. Mastitis, thrush, and a clogged milk duct had kept me awake all night. n.

My routine was hot compresses, hot showers, pump, nurse, try to rest, repeat. It was so bad I could not sleep at all on Tuesday night and by the time my shift was over, I was in tears. I told Nathan I wanted to give up nursing and that it wasn't worth the pain and frustration. He has repeatedly told me (and so have several other people) that breastfeeding doesn't equal mothering; I can still be an amazing mom without nursing.

I have had a hard time accepting that, though. I know it is true, but I have put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself unnecessarily. By yesterday, I had reached my obvious breaking point and was willing to concede defeat. Hearing the pediatrician say the boys were now in the 75th percentile and above the 95th percentile snapped me out of my depression and helped ease feelings of doubt and hopelessness.

So, I'm not giving up yet. Feeling positive about the situation has made me feel like a new person today. I've also let go of the self-pressure to make every single feeding breast milk. If they have to have formula for some reason, it isn't the end of the world. They are big, and they are healthy. Look at these chubby cheeks!

And sorry my blog is only about breastfeeding these days. When you are feeding twins every two hours, it is really the only thing on your mind. Everything in my day revolves around it. Maybe in a month or so, I will find other things to talk about :)

Good News / Bad News

2012-01-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

This evening, I went to the doctor for an emergency room follow-up visit. I received some good news and the expected bad news.

I'll start with the bad news first, so we end things on a positive note!

Bad News: I have mastitis and thrush. That means the babies have thrush, too.

I've been taking the antibiotics for mastitis since Saturday, but the ER doctor wasn't sure I had thrush and therefore didn't give me a prescription to treat it. I informed the physician that I had spoken to a lactation consultant (Caitlin) and had all the symptoms of thrush. So yes, I told him! I even told him what to prescribe me! The biggest downside to delaying the treatment of thrush is that Ezra and Elliott both have symptoms (it is transferred from mother to baby and vice versa) and have been fussy for days now. Poor babies. Poor me awake with babies at night.

Treatment is on the way, though, so hopefully things will get better quickly for all of us.

Good News: I have lost 35 pounds in 5 weeks! Ask me how!

Get pregnant with twins, gain tons of weight, have twins, breastfeed. You really didn't think I would say: working out and eating healthy foods, right?

And even though I can't squeeze myself into any of my old jeans, I am just fine with my current weight. I'm quite sure I will never fit into my old clothes (everything is wider), but I am coming to terms with it. When I got "dressed up" a couple of weeks ago, I felt like a million bucks.

It's good to know my vanity still exist somewhere beneath the spit-up covered t-shirts and baggy sweat pants! Good for Nathan that is-- maybe one day he'll get his old wife back!

"I Did It!"

2012-01-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

Eliza is two going on ten. She refuses any form of help and continually insists that she "can do it." From putting peanut butter on bread to insisting on taking out the trash, Eliza wants to do everything with absolutely no assistance.

Independence is great and all, but moderation in all things is best. After the events of yesterday morning, I am an even stronger believer in this notion.

For a mid-morning snack, Nathan decided to heat up a cinnamon roll for Eliza. In the microwave. Innocent enough. (Please keep in mind that the microwave is built into the kitchen's island, which is eye level for Eliza.)

He gave Eliza the cinnamon roll and quickly went to the bathroom to finish shaving. The bathroom is adjacent to the kitchen and the door was open. Nathan has not had a waking moment to himself in weeks, so he has to find random windows of time in order to do anything other than tend to the babies and Eliza. He thought Eliza was adequately distracted with her treat and considered it a "safe" moment to shave.

Well, he was right about the cinnamon roll distracting Eliza. Unfortunately, the microwave did as well.

Just a couple of minutes into shaving, Eliza ran into the bathroom and exclaimed: "I did it!" Nathan assumed she was referring to eating her cinnamon roll (and you know what they say about assuming) and continued to shave. However, he soon stopped after he heard the faint humming sound of the microwave. He walked out of the bathroom and discovered the kitchen engulfed in black smoke that was rapidly pouring out of the microwave.

Apparently, Eliza had decided to reheat the cinnamon roll on her own. She discovered how to start the microwave and just kept pressing buttons, so the roll would continue to cook. Clever girl. The cinnamon roll resembled a hockey puck when Nathan pulled it out of the microwave.

During all of the commotion, I was in the basement with Ty and Jenny tending to the babies. Nathan called down the stairs, "If the smoke alarm goes off and it smell like fire, don't worry! I know why!"

Umm...okay?

A few seconds later, the awful, overwhelming smell of charred toast filled the basement (and the entire house); it then transformed into the smell of a freshly doused campfire. Over 24 hours later, the smell remains. We have opened doors, cleaned with Clorox, put out baking soda, lit Scentsy candles, and sprayed air freshener. Tonight, we even removed the microwave and took it outside. None of this has done the trick.

Just another reminder to never leave a toddler unattended- even if it's for less than five minutes. Looking at that cinnamon roll, though, I can't help but laugh. Eliza's excitement at successfully working the microwave (and nearly setting the house on fire) is somehow adorable. Oh, the inquisitive mind of a two year old!

The First Day of the New Year

2012-01-02T01:17:00.000-08:00

Ty, Jenny, and I rang in the new year by watching Food Network and drinking sparkling apple cider. Nathan was exhausted after an incredibly long day and went to bed before 10. Regardless of how I felt, I had to take a shift so Nathan could finally sleep.

Luckily for me, Ty and Jenny did most of the work. I was not much help, as I was slightly delirious from a mixture of a fever and Lortab/Tylenol with Codeine. At 3:45, I finally woke Nathan up so I could go to sleep.

A couple of hours later, I woke up and knew something was wrong. My entire body was burning hot, and I felt like I couldn't move. I reached for the thermometer on the bedside table and took my temperature in a daze. I heard the beep and looked at the results: 102. 8.

I definitely had a fever. I needed water and some ibuprofen, but I couldn't move due to an overwhelming feeling of weakness and dizziness. Worst of all, my head was pounding so hard that my vision was blurry. I was a little worried about myself and hoped I wouldn't have to go back to the hospital again.

I took a picture of myself to send to Nathan, so he would pity me and come to my rescue. I was too dizzy to actually send it, though, so I tried calling him. I began to feel a little desperate when I realized his phone was turned off. As a last ditch effort, I started calling his name, hoping he would hear me down in the basement. It didn't work.

Eventually, I rolled out of bed and crawled to the top of the staircase. I called down to him and heard him answer in an exhausted voice. Apparently, he had been sleeping. The following conversation then took place:

Celia: "Nathan, I have a 102.8 degree fever. I need help."

Nathan: "You'd be dead by now!"

Celia: "What?"

Nathan: "110 degree fever? You'd be dead!"

Celia: "I said 102."
Nathan: "Oh."

Nathan eventually made it up the stairs and was concerned when he saw me. He gave me water and my medicine and helped me back into bed. I said a prayer that the pain, fever, headache, and dizziness would subside and fell asleep.

Four hours later, I awoke and felt like a new woman! Amazingly, my headache was mostly gone and my fever went down to 100.7. I had decided to stop taking the stronger drugs around midnight and was even able to resume nursing. Apparently, all I needed was sleep. It cured almost everything.

And tonight, my fever is completely gone! I'm still dizzy, but I can handle it. Obviously, it isn't too horrible or I wouldn't be blogging!

I'm certainly glad I don't look or feel like this anymore:

The difference between a mild fever and high fever. I'm glad my skin is no longer sickly pale or dark red. And yes, now you have seen me at my finest!

Highlights from 2011

2012-01-01T19:57:00.000-08:00

January
- Nathan was able to quit his job at Noodles and Company, and we finally had the opportunity to see each other on a daily basis.
- My dear friend, Katy, moved to Provo and began watching Eliza for a few hours every morning. This meant hours of good times, including fun watching "Yo Gabba Gabba," for our little girl.

February
- I miscarried for the second time in six months, and I found myself reevaluating my priorities and my crazy work schedule.
- We also had some good news that month. Nathan was offically accepted to Western States University in Portland for chiropractic school. We made plans to move in August and tried to mentally prepare for the graduate school life.

March
- Eliza turned 18 months old and began saying short sentences. She added a number of words to her vocabulary and seemingly transformed from baby to toddler overnight.

- I enjoyed an abundance of late nights with my girlfriends, watching shows like "Face Off" and playing hours of Dr. Mario while Nathan studied for organic chemistry and anatomy.

April
- We found out I was pregnant again!

May
- The hyperemesis began, and I turned into a walking zombie. We had our first ultrasound and were happy to see a heartbeat! We found out we were having twins at the end of the month. All of our plans slowly began to change.

- Our dear friend and roommate, Amalia, returned from New Zealand. It was great to have such a wonderful friend in our home, especially when I became so sick and felt miserable all the time.

June
- After weeks of constant vomiting, I found myself unable to work and had to quit my job at SirsiDynix. I could no longer make it to the office and remained on the couch the entirety of the day.
- Due to my sickness, my mother-in-law came to live with us for the month. Nathan and I decided to move to Othello and live with my in-laws in order to get the help we needed.

- I received IV therapy for over 30 days. Nathan was amazing and learned how to start the IV's so I could have the treatments at home.

- We got to hang out with Becky and Brittany and had a sneak peak of twin life.

- We met with a perinatologist and found out we were having identical twin boys!

- June was the most trying month of my life. There were nights I would sob because I was just so hungry; I thought I would die of starvation. Thankfully, I have blocked out most of the worst memories, and all the suffering was completely worth it.

July
- My friend Julie came to visit all the way from Pennsylvania!
- I continued to receive IV therapy and had a feeding tube inserted; it lasted a day before I threw it up.
- Becca and Ashley surprised us with a going away party, and we said a final farewell to some of the most amazing people.

- We left Provo and moved to Othello, right in time for our annual family reunion.

- By the end of the month, I was finally able to keep some foods down.

August
- I began gaining weight!!
- We found a doctor in Othello that we loved.
- Nathan and I celebrated our anniversary with a wonderful date.

- After much consideration, we decided to defer Nathan's schooling until January of 2012.

September
- We visited South Carolina, and Eliza was able to play in the ocean for the first time.

- I started modified bed rest and began watching tons of movies and shows on Netflix.

- Our perinatologist gave us a tentative due date of December 4, and we began thinking again about chiropractic school again. We weren't sure if the babies would need NICU time, and we didn't feel comfortable moving to a new state only a few weeks after their arrival. We decided to defer school again until the fall semester of 2012.

October
- I began strict bed rest and almost went crazy. I really love Nathan for maintaining such a positive attitude as he took care of a bedridden wife and a crazy toddler.
- Eliza was an adorable princess for Halloween.

- I continued to gain weight and looked huge!

November
- We met with several doctors, who advised us to have the twins in the Tri-Cities. Nathan and I then met the doctor who would deliver the boys and anxiously awaited their arrival.
- Less than 48 hours after a supposed "false alarm," I delivered Ezra and Elliott in Othello. Everything went wonderfully!

December
- The month was a blur of feedings and sleepless nights. We enjoyed visits from Becca, Ashley, my mom, and family members.
- Nathan turned 30!

- The babies had their first Christmas, and Eliza was excited to receive presents this year.

January 1, 2012
And today is the actual due date for Ezra and Elliott. It's hard to believe they have been here for nearly five weeks already!

More Lortab, Please

2011-12-31T23:49:00.000-08:00

Today, my routine was a little different. Instead of Nathan staying up for the night shift with the babies, I decided to stay up and sleep in as late as possible. Around 4:15 am, I finally crawled into bed. Four blissful hours later, Nathan woke me up to feed Ezra and Elliott. This was the longest period of time I have slept in the last month, so I was definitely in a pleasant mood.

A few minutes later, I sat down to nurse the babies. Almost instantly, a shooting pain went throughout my body. The stab of agony was so blinding that I nearly fainted. Thinking that I had perhaps too much milk, I decided to pump. Again, the pain was excruciating, and I find myself sobbing. I was miserable, and something was obviously very wrong.

I suspected I had thrush or mastitis again, but the symptoms were much more overwhelming this time. After reading several articles, I was convinced I had thrush, as the babies have been fussy the last few days. I then decided to call my friend Caitlin, who is a lactation specialist, for advice.

As soon as Caitlin answered the phone, I began sobbing. All the pain, anxiety, and frustration came to the surface. We didn't have any milk frozen to feed the babies (they went through that earlier this week during a growth spurt), and I knew there was no way I could nurse them considering the amount of pain I was in. Fortunately, Caitlin is very knowledgeable and agreed I most likely had thrush, which can be treated with a simple antibiotic. Unfortunately, though, it was New Year's Eve and a Saturday. The one medical clinic in our town was closed and the on-call doctor suggested I go to the emergency room.

I somehow managed to pump despite the discomfort and made my way to the ER with Jenny, my sister-in-law. Nathan, who had been awake since 3:30 am and was due for a nap, stayed at home with his brother and the kids. I knew Nathan needed to sleep, but I also knew there was no way I could power through the pain.

A short while later, the doctor stated he believed I had mastitis. By this point, the pain had traveled up to my armpits and my lymph nodes were swollen due to the infection. I couldn't lift my arms or put them straight down by my side. He added that I might also have thrush and to see my regular doctor on Monday. In all honesty, the breast infection hurt more than natural childbirth. Childbirth was uncomfortable; this was/is agony. I tried focusing on my breathing and Jenny tried to calm me down and distract me from the pain.

The doctor, the same physician who insisted I take a painkiller when I returned to the ER after having the babies, again suggested that I take something stronger than ibuprofen. He then added, "This should be one of the happiest times of your life. You shouldn't be this miserable."

And that is when I lost it for the second time today. I sobbed and gave permission for him to give me a shot of Loritab. I hated the thought of the babies drinking formula, but I knew I needed the medicine if I wanted to continue to pump and maintain my milk supply. The doctor stated the babies could resume breastfeeding 12 hours after taking the medicine.

In addition to giving me a splitting headache, the Lortab has made me extremely nauseated and dizzy. However, I am grateful for it because I can at least tolerate the pain now. Nathan and I are so lucky Ty and Jenny decided to stay and help us with the babies while my in-laws were in Portland. I don't know what we would have done today without them. They fed babies, played with Eliza, changed diapers, and even made dinner for us. Nathan finally went to bed around 10 pm (poor guy) and will hopefully get some much needed rest.

I hope the new year brings more nights of rest and less infections. Again, I am reminded that breastfeeding isn't always that easy for some. Regardless of the complications, I refuse to give up...for now. But in all honesty, I am not sure how many days of agony I can tolerate.

It's the end of the year and the end of my rant. The only good thing that has come from this situation was a string of ridiculous texts I sent to a couple of people. This included, but was not limited to, random quotes from Jurassic Park and The Sandlot.

Yes. Lortab Celia is awesome.

7 Months Today

2011-12-31T23:22:00.000-08:00

Exactly seven months ago, Nathan and I met with my doctor to discuss the severe all day long sickness associated with my pregnancy. An ultrasound had been performed two weeks earlier, and it showed one tiny, growing baby and one heartbeat. We thought the appointment would be nothing special; obviously, we were wrong.

For some reason, Dr. Ludlow asked if we wanted another ultrasound before we left. Like any other pregnant lady would do, I immediately accepted the offer. I'll never forget the moment the doctor said, "No wonder you're so sick. You're having twins!" An indescribable feeling of pure elation overwhelmed me. Nathan and I laughed and cried tears of happiness. It was one of the greatest moments of my life, and the joy I felt then helped sustain me through several months of sickness.

I remember calling our friends and family with the exciting news and then sitting for a few hours in total disbelief. Nathan went to class shortly after we returned home and sent me a text, saying: "Remember how we're having twins!? Holy amazing awesomeness!" Apparently, he was feeling the same way.

Even now, seven months later and 5 weeks after Ezra and Elliott were born, I find myself staring at my perfect little boys in complete awe. Twins? Really? How did we get so lucky?

Ezra

Elliott

Ezra

Elliott

All About Eliza

2011-12-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

In one short month, Eliza's life has completely changed. She went from being an only child and the constant center of attention to the oldest of three. Due to circumstances, Nathan and I often find ourselves each rocking and feeding a baby while Eliza is left to play on her own. Nathan has done a wonderful job of trying to give Eliza individual attention, but the changes to her daily routine have been difficult for her to accept.

All of the commotion has led to a number of sleepless nights for Nathan, Eliza, and me. The past three weeks, Eliza has refused to go bed on her own and has wanted one of us to sleep with her. Additionally, she learned how to jump out of her crib, and we were left with no other option but to transition her to a big girl bed. After countless prayers and continual efforts to establish her routine once again, Eliza has started to go to sleep without a two hour power struggle.**

Without a doubt, watching Eliza have emotional breakdowns every night and several times throughout the day has been one of the most difficult adjustments that has come with twin parenthood. When we have family or friends around, who can hold a baby and allow one of us to play with Eliza, she is a completely different little girl; she laughs and runs around the house smiling just like old times. For this reason, I am immensely grateful we have had so much help. Not only has it helped Nathan and me, but Eliza as well.

Eliza is such a sweet big sister. She loves patting the babies' backs and giving them their bottles.

We are glad she doesn't openly resent them; she just resents not having all the attention, which is understandable. The past few days, though, she has showed definite signs that she is adjusting to her new life. She has gone to bed successfully three nights in a row and has even taken naps! She is happier, which relieves (and overjoys) Nathan and me.

So. Here is a quick recap of what Eliza is up to these days.

She may not like many foods, but she certainly loves cheese. Nathan allowed her to bite chunks of cheese straight off the block (he was afraid she would stop eating if he scolded her, and he thought it was cute).

As you can also see in the above picture, Eliza loves her princess night gown. We have to beg her to wear something else other than this precious gown because it has to be washed sometimes!

She continues to practice Portugese with Nathan. She loves to sing "I'm A Child of God" every night in Portuguese.

Don't let the video fool you; Eliza is cute, but certainly feisty. She has become fiercely independent and constantly says, "I can do it!" We have quickly learned our daughter is a force to be reckoned with.

Isn't her sassiness adorable?

**(And, as a sidenote, while I was writing this post, Eliza woke up in a screaming fury. Perhaps I spoke too soon?)

Christmas Vacation

2011-12-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

This Christmas felt different than most other Christmases. While we had much to be grateful for, Nathan and I were too worn out to really enjoy the holiday. Additionally, I was a little sad because it was our year to go home to South Carolina, but obviously that couldn't happen with the twins being so small. I missed my family back home, but certainly enjoyed the company of the Robbins clan.

In order to make sure I felt the Christmas spirit, Nathan somehow found the energy to bake my favorite cookies.

He spent a good hour making the dough, rolling perfect peanut butter cookie balls, and unwrapping Hershey Kisses.

It was perhaps my favorite Christmas present because it was incredibly thoughtful and definitely no easy task with Eliza running around in the kitchen.

On Christmas Eve, I finally got around to building a gingerbread house with Eliza. She loved it! It was one of the first times Eliza and I have done something without a baby in my arms. Making the gingerbread house was all about her, and I could tell she enjoyed the one on one time.

Later on in the evening, Eliza and her two cousins, Hayden and Ellie, performed a Christmas program for the family. The children had several letters of the phrase "Merry Christmas" assigned to them, and each letter stood for a Christmas related theme/item.

The highlights of the program were singing "Jingle Bells" with the little kids, and Cheryl asking what the final letter, the "S" in Christmas, stood for.

She gave a clue, saying: "It was the special (blank) of Bethlehem." Rather than grabbing a picture of a star, she had accidentally picked up the picture of the snowman.

So, all of the children shouted: "The snowman of Bethlehem!" We couldn't stop laughing.

That night, when I told Eliza it would be Christmas the next day, she responded by saying, "No. It's too big!" I thought I had heard her wrong, so I told her again that she would have presents from Santa in the morning. Again, she shook her head and said, "It's too big!" I still don't really know what that meant.

Eliza received a number of little presents (princess dolls, princess shoes, pink nail polish, pink hairbows, pink pajamas, trains), but loved Connect 4 and her princess purse from her Aunt Dava the best.

The purse perfectly matched the nightgown Becca bought her, and she immediately loved it.

Nathan's favorite gift was a handmade leather bound book. My friend Katy is amazingly talented and created this lovely book for him.

It is BEAUTIFUL. Everyone couldn't stop looking at it in awe. It was a successful present!

My favorite gifts from Nathan were a tripod for our camera and a beautiful frame for family photos.

I also loved the surprise package from my mom. In the package was my Bitty-Baby, a doll I have had since childhood. I wanted Eliza to have the doll, but it was nowhere to be found after my mother's move last year. I was so happy to know it had been found! My 12 year old self was slightly neurotic (just like I am now) and kept all of the clothes in the original boxes, wrapped in tissue paper. Everything is in perfect condition, so maybe I should wait a couple of years before handing over my prized possession to a toddler.

And I mentioned it yesterday, but I am ecstatic to have some updated pictures of our family. Our friend Megan visited during the holidays and gave me the most amazing Christmas gift by taking a number of photographs. In all honesty, I have only worn makeup and something other than sweat pants once since the babies were born (thanks Becca and Ashley for getting me out of the house!). I haven't styled my hair and gotten "ready" in weeks, so it felt wonderful to look nice for pictures. That was probably a nice gift for Nathan :)

As you can tell, we were pretty spoiled this Christmas. Eliza keeps asking for "Christmas." Hopefully, she can survive the year long wait.

Time Flies

2011-12-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe a month has passed since Ezra and Elliott were born. The past four weeks have flown by, and the boys are rapidly growing. They now comfortably fit into newborn clothes and are close to outgrowing preemie diapers. Although they weigh more, they still cannot go longer than two to three hours without eating.

Because of this, Nathan and I continue to suffer from sleep deprivation. Cheryl has been an amazing help and even offered to take one baby for the night on Christmas Eve. Although it was a lovely Christmas gift for Nathan and me, Cheryl spent the entirety of Christmas Day exhausted; waking up every two hours wore her out for some reason! I jokingly told her she probably wouldn't be offering to take a baby for the night anytime soon. She definitely didn't object to that statement.

Thankfully, the holidays have brought additional help our way. Ty and Jenny will be here until the end of the week, so Nathan and I will not be completely alone when Cheryl and Rex go to Portland on Thursday. We are hopeful survival mode will end in the next few months and that the babies can learn to sleep longer than a few short hours at a time.

As for breastfeeding, it remains a labor of love. We've encountered some bumps in the road (mastitis, thrush), but I still feel like I can handle it. I keep telling myself I have made it 1/6 of the way to my goal! My initial goal is 6 months (because it feels attainable), but I hope to make it a full year.

In an effort to alleviate the stress of feedings, I attempted to solely nurse the babies and do away with pumping; it didn't go too well. Elliott and Ezra both developed blisters on their lips from nursing too long (even though they had a proper latch), and the feeding sessions lasted two hours or so. As soon as we finished, I would take a quick break and then resume nursing less than an hour later. Needless to say, this lasted for one day. I'm continuing to pump and breastfeed, and we will try again to exclusively nurse in a few weeks. For now, it is just too overwhelming for me to try and feed them on my own all day. As long as they are getting breast milk, I feel like I am making a good contribution!

All things considered, life is pretty wonderful right now. Ezra and Elliott are great babies, and our biggest complaint is that they are slow eaters. Compared to our first baby, it feels like a walk in the park. I am so grateful neither baby has colic and that they aren't allergic to milk. I am also thankful for the positive attitudes Nathan and I have been able to attain (You can read Nathan's post below if you are looking for some laughs and twin humor).

We're tired in the Robbins home, but we are happy.

(Our lovely friend, Megan, was nice enough to take a few quick photos for us when she visited over Christmas. We totally ambushed her! Here's a photo before she's done any fancy editing. I just couldn't wait to post it! Thanks again, Megan!)

Who Can Say it Better?

2011-12-27T19:24:00.000-08:00

These days, there is just no way for me to describe my thoughts and feelings; new twins -- two kids deeper into fatherhood -- balancing marriage, being a dad, and retaining some sense of self. But there is someone who CAN describe them. His name is Ray Romano.

1:02 - Ray gets me. He knows me.
1:41 - Why I seem so heroic, going on adventures to get whatever Celia needs.
2:50 - This is my story too. The only songs I have written recently are about nap time and drinking milk.
3:40 - I told Cecil we can do this, but she doesn't agree. It would have saved hours on photo shooting so far.
4:00 - My greatest fear for the boys. Oh please let them be even slightly handsome.
4:45 - Eliza is the best thing to watch right now. She makes me happy no matter what (except at bed time).

We Wish You a Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

We hope your holiday is truly blessed! We are so grateful for the Christmas season and the addition of two new family members.

Much love to you all.

The Robbins

Photo by Tara Tallman

Take It Easy

2011-12-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was rocking Elliott and feeding him for nearly three hours straight, I began to feel completely overwhelmed; feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and desperation (for him and me to sleep) came to the surface. Once it reached 6:30, I decided to text Cheryl for help. She immediately came to the rescue. Ezra then woke up, so another feeding began, and I eventually went to sleep around 8 am. It was a long night/morning.

I'm realizing more and more that it is okay to ask for help. The last two weeks, Nathan and I have been extremely fortunate to have a number of helping hands around. Ty and Jenny came the first weekend the babies were born and were followed by Becca and Ashley later on in the week. The day Becca and Ashley left, my mother came for 8 days. And now, Cheryl is off work for the week and able to entertain Eliza and juggle babies. All of these people have been amazing to provide our family with some much needed assistance (and sanity for Nathan and me).

It's at night, though, when we have the problem. I know I am not sleeping enough, but I struggle with finding a good solution to the problem. For some reason, I feel like it is my responsibility to tend to the babies during the night. I feel guilty asking for help because I know it means others will lose sleep. I remember the ultrasound technician jokingly telling me, "Don't be a martyr!" when I told her I intended to breastfeed. While I definitely don't consider myself a martyr, I finally realize she was saying it would certainly be no easy task to nurse twins; she was probably also saying there was no need to do it alone.

Fortunately, pumping has allowed Nathan to help during the nights. He has taken over the "night shift" (10 pm - 3am/4 am) for me to rest, but I still have to wake up three times to pump during my "break." I hated the thought of him feeding the babies alone, so I have helped with the midnight feedings (even though Nathan has assured me he can do it alone). Additionally, the boys have had difficulty going back to sleep after the 3 am feeding, so I am awake with them for a few hours until I feel comfortable asking Cheryl for help around 6 or 7. All of this has culminated in a very tired Celia.

My mother-in-law is wonderful and has repeatedly asked me to let her help during the night. After sleeping for only a couple of hours last night, I plan on taking her up on that offer! I'm trying to let go of my unhealthy sense of responsibility; there is no need for it when people want to help. I also realize that if I have to supplement with formula, it isn't the end of the world. So far, that hasn't happened yet, but I know I'm not a failure if I don't wake up to pump 5 times throughout the night.

I know all of this may sound negative, but overall, I feel very positive. Last night, Nathan and I heard a message from our home teacher regarding gratitude (In our church, each family has home teachers assigned to them. Two men visit each month and check on the members of the family and also provide an uplifting message). Essentially, the message was for us to give gratitude for the things in our life that we need more of. For instance, Nathan applied this to our situation by saying, "I'm going to be grateful for the few hours of sleep I actually get. I know I could use more of it!" Instead of focusing on how little of something we have, we should focus on what we do have and be appreciative for it.

So, this Christmas season, I am thankful for a number of things. I am thankful for the sporadic naps I receive; I am thankful for our family who so graciously helps (I have no idea how twin moms manage without family around 24/7), and I am grateful for the time I have with these small babies. I know they will not be this little for long, so I plan on savoring every moment with them rather than wishing it away. It's nice to live in the now, rather than imagining the future where Ezra and Elliott sleep five hours at a time; that would be wishing away their baby-ness, and I don't want to do that.

Having twins is the best. Playing with Eliza is the most wonderful thing. Loving Nathan is a blessing. I've got this!

I'm a Little Busy

2011-12-19T17:06:00.000-08:00

The babies are growing at a furious pace, which means I am doing everything possible to keep up with them when it comes to nursing/pumping. In three days, the babies went from eating 18 ounces daily to 35 ounces a piece in a 24 hour period. They nearly doubled their milk intake, which means I am producing more than 2 liters of milk a day! I will never look at a 2 liter bottle of soda the same way.

On Saturday, when the feeding frenzy began, I was feeling slightly defeated. I wasn't sure I could continue nursing and pumping hourly like I had been. There was no time to slow down and rest, even though my mother and Cheryl were both around to help. I was exhausted and knew my body needed a break. Later on that evening, I began reading "Mothering Multiples," a book specifically on breastfeeding twins/triplets (thanks Becky!). Although I had skimmed through the book prior to delivery, I reread the chapter on making a good start to breastfeeding with renewed interest. I then stumbled upon "Guidelines for Bottle Feeding the Breastfed Baby."

LIGHTBULB. AKA the answer to prayer.

Because we have been vigilantly recording all milk intake for Ezra and Elliott, the majority of the feedings are via bottle.

Here's a sneak peak of our daily schedule. Fun, fun!

The Playtex Drop-ins were our bottle of choice, but I was worried the boys were working too hard for their food (especially after the pediatrician told me about premature babies using too much energy to suck). We temporarily switched back to the Medela bottles and nipples, which were easier for Ezra and Elliott to get milk out of. And inadvertently, we created a problem.

The "Mothering Multiples" book cautioned that bottle feedings should not be rushed. If the average newborn spends 10 to 30 minutes nursing, then they should also spent 10 to 30 minutes emptying a bottle. Essentially, the flow rate of the bottles was too high for Ezra and Elliott and the boys were accidentally overindulging in milk.

We immediately switched back to Playtex bottles and both boys are eating more normal amounts of milk (24 ounces or so). This, coupled with nursing, has greatly reduced my stress when it comes to making sure Ezra and Elliott are properly fed. Even so, the pumping and nursing has taken over my days and my nights are a blur of feedings and 30 minute cat naps.

Elliott and Ezra in a nursing induced coma.

Every time I wake up and see both babies (no matter what time it is), I feel an immense sense of gratitude that I am Ezra and Elliott's mother. I think about all of the sacrifices our family made to have these children, and I know we have been blessed continually these past few months. I also consider it a true miracle that I am not overwhelmed with emotions or the baby blues. Somehow, I have managed to keep things together and channel all of my energy into mothering.

That being said, I am ready for the feedings to slow down soon! Ezra and Elliott are three weeks old today. Perhaps I will sleep more than an hour at a time in a month or so? Until then, I'll just keep focusing on how precious these tiny faces are.

Ezra

Elliott

Ezra

Wherein I Disregard the Advice of My Pediatrician

2011-12-15T15:19:00.000-08:00

Before we left the hospital with Ezra and Elliott, our pediatrician recommended that half of their feedings consist of a high calorie formula. She also instructed us to add Enfamil to any breast milk for an additional caloric boost. Nathan and I listened to her concerns about breast milk "not being enough" for premature babies and decided we would use the high calorie formula if there was not a sufficient supply of breast milk.

The first night at home, the babies both refused the formula. I finally was producing enough for both of them, so after a full day of solely breast milk, they did not care for the taste of Similac. Because of this, Nathan and I opted to feed them only breast milk (without the Enfamil) until their first appointment. If they had not gained a sufficient amount of weight in four days, we would begin supplementing. At last week's appointment, they had eached gained weight and the doctor we saw was pleased with their progress (the town's only pediatrician was away on vacation, so we saw a general practice doctor). The doctor encouraged us to continue breastfeeding and did not mention formula whatsoever.

Yesterday, we had a two week appointment with Ezra and Elliott's actual doctor. The babies were weighed, with Ezra coming in at 5 pounds 9 ounces and Elliott at 6 pounds 6 ounces; that means each baby gained 1 pound 1 ounce from their birth weight! The pediatrician was impressed and said most premature babies hopefully maintain their birth weight by two weeks; a 20- 25% weight gain was amazing in her opinion.

I let her know we tracked all of the babies' feedings and totaled the number of mililiters consumed daily. Taking the previous days feeding totals, the doctor quickly did some math to make sure Ezra and Elliott were getting enough milk. She looked up from her calculator and gasped. Her mouth was left hanging open as she stared at us and then the babies in disbelief; apparently, they are eating a ton.

For premature babies, the pediatrician recommends that for each kiligram (2.2 pounds) the baby weighs, they should eat 160 mililiters a day. Per kiligram, Elliott is eating 190 mililiters a day and Ezra is eating a staggering 220 mililiters. Obviously, they are well fed.

I could tell the pediatrician was impressed, so imagine my surprise when she again encouraged us to use the formula and add Enfamil to my breast milk. She asked why I had not been using the formula, and I had no real answer other than, "I didn't feel like I should" and "The lactation specialist and nurses told me I didn't have to." She gave me a disappointed look, and I felt like I had done something wrong when in reality, I have been doing an awesome job keeping these babies fed (yes, I will brag about myself here because it has been hard work!).

She said Ezra and Elliott may be drinking too much because the breast milk isn't dense enough to satisfy them. She also said that they could be using too much of their energy to process all of the milk they are receiving. None of it really made sense to Nathan and me. We came home and relayed the information to our mothers and neither one of them understood the logic.

I think I'll continue to disregard the formula advice. If I need to use it, I will and I won't feel guilty about it. However, I'm not going to deny my babies perfectly good breast milk.

And lastly, the doctor recommended that the babies not sleep together. Hmmm... I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Has anyone ever heard of separating twins while sleeping? It just seems so unnatural.

The Best Laid Plans...

2011-12-14T20:12:00.000-08:00

Nathan turned 30 yesterday. 30!

For weeks, I had been planning a perfect day for him. I wanted to begin the day with breakfast in bed and then excuse him of parenting duties for the rest of the day. Nathan is always busy with Eliza, so I thought a few hours of alone time to escape and write music would be perfection. Additionally, I worked for days on a thoughtful, unique gift for him. He appreciates personal presents, so I tried particularly hard to do something I knew he would love. With the birth of the twins, Nathan's birthday project was put to the side for a little while. I eventually managed to completed the gift with a few days to spare, and the finished product was supposed to arrive on December 13th--his birthday.

I had plans.

Unfortunately, with a two year old and the crazy feeding schedules of two newborns, things do not always go as planned.

On Sunday night, I realized I had mastitis. I spent the majority of Monday laying in bed and trying to rest after a visit to the doctor's office. Thankfully, my mother had arrived the night before, and Nathan and I had some much needed help. Nathan decided to stay up with the twins so I could sleep longer between pumping and began his birthday feeding two babies into the wee hours of the morning.

Feeding babies was something he expected. Eliza waking up FIVE times during the night was something he did not anticipate. My mom tried to help with Eliza, but our little girl wanted her daddy. So, Nathan was awake all night with all three of our children. He managed to sleep three hours before leaving for preschool with Eliza.

Because Eliza had not slept at all during the night, she was in a horribly cranky mood throughout the day. She yelled, screamed, and had a number of tantrums. We tried to enforce naptime, which led to a scream session that lasted over an hour. Nathan and I have never seen Eliza in such a feisty mood! Unfortunately, nothing we did made the situation better; time-outs, attemps at naps, multiple diversions all failed.

By six o'clock, I was exhausted just watching Nathan run around the house with our daughter. Eliza and him were engaged in an intense power struggle until nearly 10 PM. We somehow managed to squeeze a little brithday party in around 7:30, but this was only a small break during Nathan's day.

The night ended with me in tears. I wanted Nathan to actually enjoy his 30th birthday. Instead, not only did he not get breakfast in bed (there was no milk to make the blueberry muffins he loves), he also did not get a single moment to himself. Furthermore, my gift did not arrive due to a last minute delay in shipping. Fortunately, I had a couple of smaller things to wrap, but my thoughtful gift was supposed to make his day!

Nathan is the most wonderful husband and father, and I desperately wanted him to have an amazing birthday. As I began to apologize to him for his birthday failure, he interrupted and said, "Don't worry about it! I feel great! Just like a father of three should feel." He then smiled, and I could tell he meant it.

I felt a little better.

Most of all, I felt grateful to be married to someone so selfless. He spends his days working and then taking care of Eliza so I can rest and pump/nurse/feed babies throughout the day and night. He continues to be an example to me, and I am so glad he has the ability to be positive when I don't.

So, Happy (late) Birthday, Nathan! I'm glad you enjoyed the carrot cake...

...and the Scott Pilgrim DVD.

Your real gift is coming soon! Promise.

Two Weeks Today

2011-12-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe it has been only two weeks since Ezra and Elliott arrived. This video was taken minutes after their birth and before I actually met them.

They were so content to have space!

14 days have now passed by in a blur of sleepless nights and feedings. Despite the crazy schedule, we have remarkably happy. Ezra and Elliott are calm, peaceful babies and their presence has brought a definite warmth to our home.

Ezra loves to be held and stare at his brother. He quietly watches Elliott as they lay together in their crib or Moses basket, and it is adorable. He hates being changed or unwrapped from his blanket (probably because he is so little and has absolutely no body fat to keep him warm). He is still so tiny, but I am confident he will catch up to his brother soon. He has been eating much more frequently the last few days, and I am more than willing to accommodate his growing appetite.

Unlike Ezra, Elliott eats on a pretty consistent schedule. Every two and a half hours, he drinks an enormous amount of milk (65 milliliters or so) and is fast asleep until he has to eat again. He loves sneaking his hands out of the blankets once he has been wrapped and has recently started to reach out to Ezra while sleeping; it's pretty cute. He isn't awake very often, but has started opening his eyes for at least a minute or two the last couple of days.

They are wonderful boys. We are so blessed to have two healthy, happy babies.

Bottle Mania

2011-12-12T13:29:00.000-08:00

Fact: Feeding twins requires a ridiculous amount of bottles.

After pumping milk throughout the night, the number of dirty bottles steadily accumulates. These bottles, coupled with the multiple feedings throughout the day, lead to constant bottle washing. Because I am slightly obsessive about cleanliness (especially in regards to my little boys), I have a particular system for cleaning. I wash everything in hot soapy water, soak all the parts in scalding hot water, and then place the various bottles, nipples, and pacifiers in boiling water for a quick dip.

Perhaps this is excessive, but it makes me feel good that everything is good and clean (and safe).

I'll be happy when we no longer have to measure all of the babies' feedings, and they can solely nurse. I know it will save us a ton of time and energy!

**And to answer a question, we have determined that Playtex Nursers with drop-ins are the best bottle for our babies. Becca, Ashley, and I conducted a mini experiment with Playtex bottles, Breastflow bottles, Medela preemie nipples, and Evenflo glass bottles.

The Playtex and Breastflow bottles were our favorites, but the babies seemed to latch better using the Playtex nursers. I also love how easy it is to clean these kinds of bottles and how the drop-ins prevent the babies from sucking in air. Picking out a bottle for premature babies is definitely a science.

Didn't See That Coming!

2011-12-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently, my husband, mother-in-law, and best friends are incredibly good at keeping a secret.

Yesterday afternoon, I stumbled into the kitchen to get a batch of clean bottles. Before I could make it to the sink, I saw two people walk into the living room out of the corner of my eye. I turned and saw two of my dearest friends, Ashley and Becca, standing in my living room.

I had no thoughts other than "what!??!?" and was stunned into silence as I stared at them in disbelief and awe.

I then had a minor panic attack (of excitement) as they came over to hug me. It had been a long night and morning, and seeing them brought immediate feelings of comfort and peace. I felt incredibly loved knowing these two girls had driven 12 hours to see a friend and offer their assistance. All feelings of exhaustion were replaced with utter giddiness. My friends, who I love like family, were here to help.

The last 24 hours, I have felt like a normal woman. Sure, I am pumping 14-15 times a day, but Nathan and I have help with tending to the twins and entertaining Eliza. Ashley and Becca have fed, burped, and changed babies.

They have sung songs with Eliza and watched her as she tried on various outfits.

Ashley gave me a manicure and pedicure, and Becca painted Eliza's nails hot pink.

They brought amazingly thoughtful gifts, like a princess nightgown for Eliza and Christmas sleepers for Ezra and Elliott.

Ashley also made two adorable blankets for the boys.

And even though we've only sat around together with babies and watched hours of television, I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I feel like a sane, functioning person and not just a sleep deprived, milk-producing machine. The boys are amazingly well-behaved, but I was definitely missing human interaction!

Having good friends is a blessing. I am so lucky to know so many wonderful people.

As a side note, thank you all for the the encouraging comments and love. All of the kind words have meant so much the last few months and especially the past couple of weeks.

And lastly, thank you Kyle and Ruby for encouraging Becca to come!

Sleep Deprivation

2011-12-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

You know you're tired when you fall asleep standing up while washing a bottle.

That's what happened to me around 4 or 5 this morning.

I think the lack of sleep is finally catching up with Nathan and me. Yesterday, I spent the majority of the day feeling slightly disoriented and found myself incapable of moving when the babies woke up wanting to eat. In the middle of the night, Nathan woke up because his legs were shaking uncontrollably due to crazy dreams combined with absolutely no deep sleep.

It's official: We're beat.

Nathan and I are lucky to live with his parents and have some much needed help during the afternoons and evenings once they arrive home from work. During the nights, though, we have been doing all of the work alone. We have tried getting up in shifts, but both of us are usually needed as Ezra and Elliott always manage to wake up within minutes of each other. The last two nights have been rough, as the babies have wanted to eat every hour or so. I'm excited about their growth spurts, though!

No sleep at night leads to very tired parents. Even though the babies sleep constantly, we have no opportunity to nap with a two year old running around. Additionally, Nathan has his at-home job. Needless to say, our house is crazy! When I am nursing a baby, I try to keep Eliza occupied anyway possible. This means my new iPhone is basically hers (if I miss calls/texts, that's why) and that Super Why! has taken over our Netflix.

We've had some friends and church members offer their assistance during the day, but I am being extremely germaphobic and refusing any outside help. The pediatrician recommended "cocooning" ourselves for at least a few weeks until the boys are a little bigger, and I am fully enforcing this policy. I don't want to take any chances with out little ones.

Speaking of size, the babies are definitely growing. At the pediatrician's office yesterday, Ezra weighed in at 4 pounds 14 ounces, and Elliott weighed a whopping 5 pounds 11 ounces. That means Ezra has gained 13 ounces since coming home, and Elliott has gained 9 ounces. The doctor was impressed with their weight gain, and I felt some much needed encouragement to continue nursing and pumping.

My mom is coming on Sunday, and my only plans are to sleep! In the meantime, we find the occasional moments to nap.

Thank goodness these boys sleep (unlike their sister)!

Identity Theft

2011-12-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

Ezra somehow transformed over night.

He is our little baby and weighed just over 4 pounds when we brought him home from the hospital. Elliott was a full pound heavier and therefore had a much rounder face. Well, over the last couple of days, Ezra has definitely put on some weight. We thought they were identical before, but had no idea the similarities could be this pronounced.

Since we came home, Nathan and I have proudly been able to properly identify the boys. The nurses, who confused the babies themselves and saw my inability to differentiate between my own children, placed ankle bracelets on Ezra and Elliott so we could tell them apart "just in case." I suggested writing on the bottom of their feet in permanent marker (which was the plan I jokingly told my in-laws and then seriously considered when I realized I didn't know which baby I was holding), but the pediatrician didn't think it was a good idea to entrust the identities of our children to a slightly toxic Sharpie that could potentially wear off.

All of the labeling seemed like a moot point by Sunday because we could tell easily see the differences, which were mainly in size and head shape.

And then Ezra grew...and so did his head.

So this morning, when Nathan handed me Ezra, he actually handed me Elliott. And when we were keeping log of their feedings, we were actually tallying Elliott's drinking record under Ezra's name. Nathan and I only realized our error after Cheryl correctly referred to Ezra as Ezra, which confused Nathan. He then checked the identification bracelets and sure enough, Cheryl was right. Thank goodness for the nurses and those bracelets!

Nathan and I couldn't believe it, though! In our defense, Ezra's face is fuller as of today--a fact I proudly attribute to the copious amounts of breast milk he has consumed (yes, this is me giving myself a proverbial slap on the back/high five). We have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I am anxious to find out exactly how much they have grown.

Even without a scale, I can tell Ezra and Elliott are thriving. And that makes my heart feel good.

I Just Can't Stay Away

2011-12-05T12:35:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This post discusses blood clots and placentas. If that grosses you out, you should probably stop reading.

Apparently, I love going to the hospital.

Last night, I was feeding Ezra and playing with my new iPhone when I suddenly felt a sharp pain go throughout my abdomen. I have been having pretty intense uterine contractions for the past week, so I tried to ignore the pain. A few minutes later, I was nearly unconscious and in utter agony. My father-in-law jumped up and took Ezra from me and then ran to get Nathan. He helped me to the car and drove me to the emergency room.

I was doubled over in pain and unable to move as Nathan wheeled me into the hospital. I was audibly sobbing, and Nathan did his best to calm me down and distract me. I was essentially feeling a more intense version of the pain that caused me to faint and seize earlier in the week. That pain was due to a blood clot, so I was hoping a nurse or doctor could massage this clot out like my amazing labor and delivery nurse did.

The doctor working was worried about the amount of obvious pain I was in. He wanted to immediately give me a strong drug/sedative via IV to ease my discomfort. After discussing the medication, I refused the IV because it would prevent me from breastfeeding for two to three days. My babies need my breastmilk, and I wasn't willing to get the medicine until I knew the reason why I was hurting.

The doctor recommended an ultrasound and then told us that the ultrasound tech was not available until the early morning due to budget cuts at the hospital. I let him know I had an 9 am appointment with Dr. Miu and would discuss the issue with him. The ER doctor was satisfied with that solution after running a series of blood tests. He wanted to confirm that my body wasn't fighting an infection which could make me become septic. He suspected I either had additional clots or part of the placenta to pass. He explained that with multiples, there is more of everything: more blood to pass, more placenta, greater risk of infection, etc.

This morning, I met with Dr. Miu, who was also worried about my situation. He said an ultrasound would not be entirely accurate this soon after delivery and will perform the scan next Monday. He noted that my kidney levels (still not sure what they measure) were high, which will require more bloodwork. An EKG was also performed, and my heart rate was unusually low. He asked if I was a long-distance runner. I laughed as I said, "Yeah, six years ago." My results are being sent to a cardiologist, who I will have to meet with next week if he feels like it is necessary.

All of those medical problems aside, I still feel immensely fortunate to be as healthy as I am. I can move and walk around, and I feel like a functioning human being for the first time in months. I am hoping and praying that the problem will resolve itself without a D&C, but I know I can handle any outcome. Ezra and Elliott are the most precious babies, and I don't mind making any sacrifices for them.

I have been surprised with how it has been to stay positive. I consider that another blessing from Heavenly Father. We can all do hard things, right? Especially with faces like this around:

Ezra

Elliott

A Birthing Gift

2011-12-04T16:45:00.000-08:00

I may or may not have had my husband break one of the ten commandments today so I could get this....

To provide further clarification, Nathan did not kill, steal, or lie in order for me to have an iPhone.

Finally! An iPhone for me (and Eliza)! I have joined the ranks of the civilized world.

Friday afternoon, my phone ran out of battery power an hour or so before we left the hospital. As soon as we arrived home, I plugged in the phone so it could charge. The babies have been pretty popular the past few days, and I knew my parents, sister, and grandmother were expecting consistent Elliott and Ezra updates. Additionally, I feel weird without my phone. It was just a simple flip phone, but I set my alarms on it and enjoyed texting friends (especially while staying at the hospital). My phone is a kind of security blanket, which may sound ridiculous to some.

So, when I told Nathan this morning that I could no longer go without a nursing bra, I was thrilled that he offered to get me not only a bra, but a phone as well. Our local Walmart does not carry nursing bras and the closest available store that sells them is an hour away. Additionally, there are no Verizon stores anywhere nearby; they are also in the city an hour away. Because of the distance involved, it made sense to take care of both errands at the same time. Furthermore, if Nathan didn't go today, I would have had to wait until next Saturday to get the bra and phone due to a number of appointments and Nathan's work schedule (he works full-time from home). (Yes, this is me justifying breaking the commandment to keep the Sabbath day holy. I did need the bra, though).

Nathan called the Verizon store to go over some details and make sure they were open today. He knows I have been wanting a white iPhone, and I heard him asking whether or not those specific phones were in stock. The salesperson let Nathan know that a white iPhone may not be available. I was a little disappointed, but decided it really wasn't that big of a deal. I was expecting Nathan to say something like, "Ok. I guess a black phone would be fine."

To my surprise (and amusement), Nathan said,"Well, my wife just had two babies this week. So, she has all sorts of crazy hormones right now, and I really don't want to let her down. I know she wants a white iPhone, so if you don't have it, we'll just wait or find another store."

He ended up driving a little bit further to a neighboring city and getting my phone.

Nathan is my best friend, and I am so glad he understands me. He told me I deserved a small gift after having two babies this week (Small gift? It feels like Christmas!). Taking the materialism out of this scenario (me being the materialistic one obviously), the fact that Nathan would go out of his way in order to make me truly happy is the best feeling ever. Acts of service (and especially gifts that are thoughtful like this) are definitely my love language.

So friends, feel free to text and/or call me! I'd love to have some numbers in my lonely little iPhone.

Can you tell that I'm happy?

Cupcakes and Shopping Carts

2011-12-04T04:47:00.000-08:00

Cupcakes and shopping carts: Two essentials required for winning over the heart of a two year old little girl.

When Eliza first met her baby brothers, she was uninterested and very unhappy. She noticeably pouted and stuck her lip out, doing her best to avoid any contact of the babies. When we asked her if she wanted to see them and meet them, she would say, "No. No, thank you." It was so cute it killed me, but it also broke my heart that she was having such a hard time accepting her siblings. She is old enough to know she wants her parents, but still too young to understand the concept of being the "big sister."

After the second night in the hospital, where Eliza screamed to leave and refused to even look at me as I held Elliott, I called my mother in tears. She gave me amazing advice. She suggested that we buy Eliza a present and have it waiting for her at the hospital. The next time Eliza came to visit, we would surprise her with the gift and say it was from the babies. Apparently, my parents did this to me when my brother was born, and it worked like a charm.

Nathan devised a two part plan of attack. Part one would be to give Eliza a cute little shopping cart at the hospital, like my mom suggested. The second part would include the babies "making" Eliza pink mini cupcakes with pink frosting and sprinkle hearts once we came home. Eliza has wanted a shopping cart for weeks (and they were on sale for $10.00 at Walmart!), and she loves pink, sprinkles, hearts, cupcakes, mini things, and more pink.

Part one went incredibly well! Eliza found the shopping cart in the hospital room and was so excited. Nathan did a wonderful job giving the babies full credit for the gift. Eliza ran to their bassinets to thank them and finally showed an interest in acknowledging their existence.

On Friday afternoon, Eliza woke up from her nap to two babies and a table of cupcakes.

She happily thanked the babies and smiled nonstop. It is probably the cutest moment ever captured on video.

Today, she has talked to the babies a couple of times and has no problem with us holding them. We are certainly making progress, which makes me one happy mother!

Coming Home Debacle

2011-12-03T13:42:00.000-08:00

At 2:45 yesterday, we left the hospital. If someone had told me last Saturday that I would be bringing home two babies in exactly a week, I would have never believed it. I expected the babies to stay at least a couple of weeks in the NICU, and I certainly didn't plan on delivering the twins first thing Monday morning. This is one of the rare instances in life where I feel incredibly grateful that not all things can be planned (everyone knows I love to plan)...because sometimes, things go much better than we can imagine.

We said goodbye to the amazing staff at the hospital, including Cindy, who was one of our favorite nurses. I loved my nurses so much! I can't believe how much of a difference it made to be surrounded by a caring, attentive hospital staff.

(Pay no attention to my appearance.)

Cindy was by my side when the babies were born and repeatedly offered me her hand to hold, as the operating room table was not very delivery friendly. I refused to take it because I knew I would hurt her and instead made a fist with that hand and squeezed Nathan's hand with the other. She is an amazing nurse, and I will always appreciate her positive words of encouragement during labor. As it turns out, I really do enjoy words of encouragement.

One of the nurses offered to push me out to the car in a wheelchair and before I could respond, Nathan jokingly said: "Well, if you give natural birth to twins, you have gotta walk out of the hospital! Otherwise, you lose all of your street cred." Funny man.

Ezra and Elliott looked so tiny and fragile in their carseats, and Nathan made sure to drive 10 mph the entire half a block home.

We fed the boys and they went to sleep instantly in their bassinet.

They are slightly jaundiced, so that is why they are yellow.

I told Nathan and Cheryl that despite the sore chest and the lack of sleep, I felt really positive. I let them know we could handle two babies and that I was focusing on not being overwhelmed. Less than 10 minutes later, I was using my electric breast pump and suddenly heard a loud pop, followed by a rhythmic, loud clicking noise. The pump had broken. It had worked perfectly this summer, so I knew the break was due to us storing it outside in the cold garage. Once we brought it indoors, the components expanded and something broke. I lost it almost instantly.

While I was crying in the bedroom, Nathan jumped into action. It was 4:00 o'clock on a Friday, so we didn't have much time. He hurried to make calls to WIC and medical supply companies. WIC had no electric pumps available and the medical supply companies charged a minimum of $85.00 a month in addition to a one time fee of $75.00 for attachments. The local Walmart only had the cheapest brands (which I tried with Eliza and broke in a matter of days), and the closest Target with a breast pump was an hour away. The babies needed to eat in two hours, and we didn't have much milk leftover. Additionally, I was in an immense amount of pain.

All of the boys' feedings have to be monitored, so we know how many millimeters they are consuming daily. They can nurse while using a Supplemental Nutritional System, but the pumped breast milk is needed for this. So, I spend my day pumping and then actually nursing. It sounds crazy, but we have to make sure everything is documented until they gain a little bit more weight. Thankfully, we had a hand pump we could use and Nathan decided to go to Target. Three hours later, he triumphantly returned.

Before we opened the new pump, though, Nathan wanted to look at the motor on the old pump. He unscrewed the front of the system and out popped a small, square box.

As it turns out, the entire mechanism for the Medela Pump In Style system for is contained in the aforementioned yellow square. The rest of the bag is merely cosmetic and the motor itself is surprisingly simple. Nathan instantly saw the part responsible for the malfunction. Like we thought, a small piece of plastic had expanded in the heat and then contracted in the cold, bending the material.

Although the problem had been located, Nathan wasn't sure how to fix the pump. He took it over to his father, who just so happens to be a pump engineer for irrigation systems. He instantly thought of a solution and less than five minutes later, the motor was running smoothly. We definitely plan on taking back the new $300.00 pump. Once again, we were blessed with a small miracle (yes, I consider saving $300.00 a miracle of sorts). And yet again, I was reminded that things really do work out.

Now, I'm going to go back to looking at these precious babies. They SLEEP!

(Sidenote: To those of you wondering when I find time to blog with such a busy schedule, I blog while I pump. It helps me focus on something other than the excruciating pain. Sorry for the graphic information for those of you don't care.)

Homeward Bound!

2011-12-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

Ezra and Elliott are coming home with me today! After four days in the hospital, we are all doing wonderfully. Last night, we visited with the boys' pediatrician, who said she was amazed by their progress. They have been stable since day one and have only continued to thrive. She recommended that we up their feedings to every 2 hours, which we are more than fine with. Nursing 12 hours a day? Bring it on!

As for me, I am tired, but healthy. Dr. Miu is going to perform an EKG on me this afternoon, just to make sure everything is fine after my fainting/seizure episode. I'm not too worried about the results because I know the fainting spell was related to sheer exhaustion; that's all.

Nathan has been busily preparing our home for their arrival (with the help of Cheryl and Jenny), and I cannot wait to have these children safely home. We are so lucky!

(I would label these pictures, but I am honestly not sure who is who. Umm...I am thinking it goes Ezra, Elliottt, Ezra. However, I could be wrong. Once I am sure of things, I'll do some labeling. Perhaps I should get used to writing their names on every picture.)

Lessons Learned in the Last 48 Hours

2011-12-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

1) Identical means identical.
I can't tell these two babies apart from each other, despite my best efforts! They look exactly alike from their tiny little noses to the swirls of their hair. The pediatrician said they were the most "identical" identical twins she has ever seen. This morning, my confusion only escalated when I discovered the nurses had actually switched Ezra and Elliott in the nursery and that the baby I was nursing was actually "Baby A" instead of "Baby B." Needless to say, we are constantly checking their name bracelets to make sure we have the right baby in the proper bassinet.

2) Adrenaline only last for so long.
After delivering the boys, I felt like superwoman. I was tired, but I had a seemingly endless reserve of energy. I was awake for over 24 hours and couldn't find a way to come down from the emotional high of birthing. Two days later, I am exhausted. Yesterday was spent constantly nursing the boys and by our 8 pm feeding, my body decided it could no longer keep up with the pace my mind had decided upon. I fainted and was out for a while as a team of nurses carried me to a bed, started me on an IV, and tried to wake me up. By the time I awoke, I had been readmitted to the hospital. Today, I plan on resting. Considering the fact that it is only 7 am and I've been awake for over two hours, I don't see this plan happening as easily as I imagined.

3) Nursing twins is more than a full-time job and definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
The twins are supposed to eat 8-9 times a day. Nursing the babies takes 1 to 1.5 hours. The babies have been incredible about latching on, but my body hasn't been able to producing the amount of milk needed just yet. The babies are already small, so if we want to avoid feeding tubes and PICC lines, they have to consistently eat well. Of course, this lack of milk has been a source of anxiety for me. I have been doing everything possible to increase my milk supply and things are already improving. I'm lucky to have a friend who is a lactation consultant! She gave me some great advice yesterday and helped alleviate some of my fears. The hospital staff has also been amazing and has encouraged me to continue nursing. I'm sure things will improve with time.

4) Being away from Eliza is the worst thing ever.
Before this week, I had never spent a night away from Eliza. I hate not seeing her smiling face in the morning and hearing her say, "Hi, Mama!" when she sees me. My heart breaks when she comes to visit because she is obviously having a hard time adjusting to the idea of two new brothers. She is too little to understand what is going on and only knows she is no longer receiving the attention she used to. As soon as I get home, I am making it my number one priority to smother her with love and attention. Goodness. I love that little girl.

5) Changing a girl's diaper is much different than changing a boy's diaper.
This morning, Elliott managed to pee on my face. Need I say more?

6) We're going to need help.
All I can say is: I am so grateful we live with family. Yesterday, two nurses and Nathan helped me feed the twins. I nursed one twin while the other was burped, we then switched babies, I then pumped while both babies were burped again, and finally the nurses helped supplement their feedings by giving them a few cc's of formula through a syringe (the syringe allows us to avoid bottles and the potential for nipple confusion). I couldn't imagine going home without the security of knowing help was available. I've said it before, but my in-laws are amazing! I really wish South and North Carolina were closer to Washington.

7) It's amazing how much you can love.
When we learned we were pregnant again, I remember thinking the usual questions associated with a second pregnancy (usual in my mind, at least). I knew I would love my second baby as much as I loved Eliza, but I did wonder if it would feel different or diminished in some way because I wasn't becoming a mother for the first time. I remembered the magical feeling of knowing I was a mother, and it just didn't make sense that I could feel that much emotion ever again. Well, I was wrong. When they wheeled me into the nursery, and I saw the babies sprawled out and breathing together in rhythm, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest due to the powerful surge of emotion; I was glad I was sitting. I love these babies so much that I can't stop smiling as I write this post. (I also find it hard not to cry, but I am sure that is just my crazy hormones right now). I love having two baby boys.

11-28-11

2011-11-29T02:30:00.000-08:00

After the events of today, I am having a difficult time staying asleep. I feel incredibly overwhelmed with emotions of love and gratitude, while a number of thoughts endlessly run through my mind. So...what happened today? Oh, you know, I had two more children. It was a crazy, amazing, wonderful, (and terrifying) day.

It all began on Saturday, when I thought I may be in labor after a couple hours of contractions. Nathan and I went to the hospital, where I was monitored for two hours. I was only 2 cm dilated and 40% effaced. Although I was having contractions, the doctor assured me that delivery was not imminent. The contractions were minor and my cervix was "non-laboring" (which means she saw no signs of change that would suggest labor). The attending physician told me to not expect to deliver for at least another week.

I kept these words in mind when the cramping returned Sunday afternoon. Thinking it was the usual minor contractions, I attempted to sleep through them and ignore the pain. After a somewhat restless (yet typical) night, I woke up around 7:30 to use the restroom. I noticed a very small amount of blood and noted the contractions were still there. It was nothing major (I thought), but just to be safe, I called labor and delivery at the hospital and asked if I should come in. The nurse, who remembered me from Saturday, assured me everything was fine and suggested I go in to see my doctor as soon as his office opened. I called and made an emergency request for an appointment with Dr. Miu. His office did not open until 8:30 and when no one had called me back by 9, Nathan and I decided to just walk in. By that, I mean Nathan literally walked in to the back of his office and said something like, "We need Dr. Miu now, please!" By this point, I suspected I was in labor due to the frequency of the contractions.

Dr. Miu was smiling as he hurriedly ushered us into a room. He performed an exam first thing and his expression immediately changed. He very quickly said, "You are dilated 6 centimeters. You are going to the hospital now and will have to ride in an ambulance." Before he could leave the room, I burst into tears and told him, "I cannot have my babies here! It's too soon! I can't have them here!" He apologized and told me, "There is no time to be flown anywhere. You are having these babies here, NICU or no NICU." I didn't hear anything else, as I was instantly hysterical and sobbing.

Because there is no NICU in our town, our plans were to deliver with another doctor an hour away at a nicer hospital. If something went wrong during delivery and the babies had any signs of trouble breathing, the hospital would not be able to help them here. Most likely, the boys would be immediately transported via helicopter to a neighboring hospital while I remained in Othello. I was 35 weeks 1 day, so I knew they wouldn't be too small, but I also knew the hospital's pediatrician strongly recommended we have the babies elsewhere. As I imagined a variety of horrible scenarios, I cried due to feelings of immense guilt. I felt horrible for not going to the doctor or hospital sooner and for putting our babies at risk. How could I not listen to my body?

Nathan tried to calm me, and Eliza kept saying, "Be happy, Mommy." I couldn't stop shaking, though. Paramedics arrived, strapped me down to a gurney, and wheeled me outside. The next thing I knew, IV's were being put into my arms, I was being undressed, and an oxygen mask was secured to my face to help calm my breathing. Somehow, I managed to text a couple of my friends and family members and ask for prayers; I knew I desperately needed them.

The ride to the small hospital took less than five minutes, and I felt an immense sense of relief when I saw my mother-in-law's car pull up behind the ambulance. Cheryl is such an amazingly calm person, and I knew she would be able to help me. Already, prayers were being answered! By this time, it was 9:45 am.

I was rushed upstairs, where a team of nurses and doctors was waiting for me. I was dilated 8 centimeters, and I knew I had to gain my composure and stop crying if I wanted things to go smoothly. Cheryl held my hand and told me to focus on positive thoughts. She reminded me that soon I would have two beautiful sons and that the pain wouldn't last much longer.

In the midst of all of the commotion, I asked about the epidural. From conversations with multiple doctors, I knew epidurals are usually a requirement with twin deliveries. Even if both babies are head down, Baby B could potentially flip once Baby A has been born. This, along with a variety of other factors, often causes the need for emergency c-sections. Dr. O, who had been scheduled to deliver our sons, was extremely familiar with delivering twins and was comfortable with manually flipping a breech Twin B. He still recommended an epidural, though, just to be safe. Dr. Miu, on the other hand, was not comfortable with flipping a breech baby and almost always performs c-sections for all twin births.

However, our situation was very different. Things were progressing so quickly that our delivery was an exception to many rules. I still wasn't in much pain (uncomfortable yes, but it was the least of my worries due to all of the stress) and Dr, Miu let me know that introducing an epidural this late in the game could affect the progress of labor and my pushing ability. Both of these things could lead to a c-section or babies in stress. He said if I opted to do a drug-free labor, I would be able to push better and remain focused (most likely). Terrified of causing any stress to the babies without the safety of a NICU around, I decided I would do it naturally. Additionally, I was nearly 9 centimeters, so there really wasn't much time to do anything. If, for some reason, I needed a c-section, I would put under general anesthesia for the procedure (I actually preferred this idea over being awake during a c-section. All of you ladies who have had a c-section are much braver than me!).

During this time, Nathan manged to find a friend from church who worked at the hospital. They gave me a blessing of comfort, and almost instantly, I felt a sense of peace. I also received a flurry of texts from loving friends and knew I had a number of people praying for me. As they wheeled me down to the operating room, which is standard procedure for twin deliveries, the new nurse receiving me remarked, "Oh good. She's had her epidural."

I looked up at her and said, "Nope! I haven't had one. I just feel really good for some reason." She looked back at me in disbelief and said, "Well I'll be! I've never seen this before. You go, girl!"

I was put on an operating table and three huge, blinding lights were put on me. A number of doctors and nurses filled the room, but I paid no attention to anyone. I focused on my babies and hummed a song of comfort in my mind. Fifteen minutes and four pushes later, Elliott Dailey Robbins was born at 10:54 am. He weighed 5 pounds 5 ounces and was 17 1/2 inches long.

8 minutes and three pushes later, Ezra Lovell Robbins was born. He was 4 pounds 8 ounces and also 17 1/2 inches long.

He promptly peed on his brother as soon as they were side by side.

Both babies scored a 9 on the apgar and neither needed oxygen or to be life flighted to a NICU. It was a miracle. They don't have feeding tubes or breathing tubes; they are tiny, but strong and perfect.

I was in great condition after delivery, but started loosing an enormous amount of blood. Thankfully, my bleeding stopped before I had to have a blood transfusion. It's the reason why I look so pale, though, in these pictures. If Nathan looks pale to you, it is because he nearly passed out during the delivery. He ended up recovering once he found a stool to sit on :)

I know that the strength and the peace I felt came directly from God. I know He was protecting us, as he answered prayer after prayer with continual blessings. Staying at the Othello hospital has been an immense blessing in disguise. We are down the street from our house (and our parents and Eliza) and our babies are receiving amazing treatment. There is only one other baby and mother in the hospital currently, so I have been treated like a princess! The nurses have been so kind, and I feel like some sort of celebrity because everyone wants to meet the girl who "had twins naturally with no drugs!" According to my doctor and nurse, I am the first patient to ever do that in this hospital. I am also one of the first patients to ever have a vaginal delivery of twins (drugs or no drugs) at the Othello Community Hospital; c-sections are the typical rule here.

I'm still in a daze that it all happened so quickly. To those women who haven't delivered a child yet (or even if they have), trust your instincts and go to the doctor/hospital if you feel like you may be in labor! Don't worry about "crying wolf" or false alarms. We were truly blessed that all went well.

34 Weeks

2011-11-22T14:44:00.000-08:00

The boys have been growing for 34 weeks. I can hardly believe it! They continue to move constantly, and I continue to feel increasingly tired. I think I will be saying that until these babies are born. The last two days, I have been awake maybe 6 hours of the day? Sleeping is my job, it seems.

I find it impossible to keep up with my appetite these days. I am always hungry, yet nothing sounds good. I just want chocolate milk and cheese, which is a problem. Sleeping all day also isn't helping me get the amount of calories I need.

Speaking of impossibles, I also find it impossible to get dressed. I stay in my pajamas every day except for Mondays when I go to appointments because really why bother? Yesterday, I managed to get ready for my doctor's appointment and an outing to Target. I felt like a huge success (no pun intended...well, maybe a little).

See! I am a waddle-saurus!!

Nathan pushed me around in a wheelchair and it felt wonderful to get out of the house on a "date." I was anxious about not having fitted sheets, diapers, and the other remaining baby items on our list, so the trip was an absolute necessity in my mind. We bought what we needed and are hopefully prepared for two little ones (prepared when it comes to material things, at least).

We then met Ty and Jenny for dessert and appetizers at Applebees. It was the perfect date for a pregnant lady. As we drove home, I realized Nathan and I will not have time for dates for the next few...years? I would say months, but I really don't see us leaving three children for a very long time, especially after we move and he starts graduate school. Good thing we both consider a bowl of ice cream and Netflix the perfect date :)

We'll see how much longer I last. These babies are welcome to come whenever they like, but selfishly I really hope they don't come until after Thanksgiving. I am excited to eat ridiculous amounts of delicious foods. I'm thinking I'll have no trouble reaching my calorie goal for a few days :)

Feeling Loved is Nice

2011-11-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

After an eventful night/morning at the hospital, I was feeling a bit down that the majority of my birthday would be spent recovering from sheer exhaustion. Nathan was a walking zombie as he attempted to power through the day and take care of Eliza so I could rest without any distractions. Sometime in the afternoon, I stumbled out of the bedroom to eat. As I walked through the house, I was pleasantly surprised to find a series of Post-it notes left in various places by Nathan and my mother-in-law, Cheryl.

It's wonderful how well they know me. Birthday notes were on my container of Carnation Instant Breakfast, inside the cereal bowls, on top of the spoons, on my box of cereal, on the bathroom mirror, and beside my computer. Throughout the day, I would randomly find another note, and I couldn't help but smile. I've never had anyone do anything similar to this, and I was surprised that it meant so much to me! Perhaps gifts are my primary love language, especially when someone has done something so thoughtful, even if it cost absolutely nothing (the love language book would call this "gifts of self").

I had so many thoughtful messages, texts, calls, and Facebook posts. It's funny, but despite the circumstances, I would consider this one of the best birthdays. Nathan wrote a sweet post for me and even baked a cake!

After we sang "Happy Birthday," he surprised me again with the perfect gift. He knew I loved Becca's handheld video recorder and bought me one. I love it!

Cheryl and I did some shopping on Down East and I treated myself to the following items:

(This coat is EXACTLY like the one I wanted from Anthropologie last year. It's only $50 instead instead of $225, though)

A couple of my favorite (and most adorable) gifts arrived this morning. Julie sent me a birthday package full of treats. It included a beautiful scarf and these:

How cute are these little hats!? So cute I DIE. I can't imagine having babies this small. I have been staring at them in wonder for the last couple of hours, and I still can't fathom the fact that they will have owners in just two short weeks.

Life is good. I am thankful for such wonderful friends and family.

I Think I Love My Wife

2011-11-17T15:52:00.000-08:00

Let it be known, I have never seen the above titled film, I just think it's a clever title. Also let it be know. . . It's Cecil's birthday today! And I wanted to celebrate her a bit.

Cecil is the best person I know. Period. (Redundant periods, right?) Best mom, best wife, best twin-incubator, best friend, best singer. And as it happens, best Scrabble player. Who knew? Everyone.

We've been through a whoooole lot over the past few years, but I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Here are some highlights.

And now a movie of Cecil being an awesome mom. And proof that three ain't no thang.

I can't wait to see what's in store for us. Oh wait. I already know. Twins. Chaos. Thrills. Love.

Happy Birthday Cecil!

PS. You were not expected to watch the entire slide show nor the entire video. If you did, you are a true Robbins fan.

That's MY Birthday!

2011-11-17T14:55:00.000-08:00

It was after midnight, and I couldn't fall asleep. Nothing new really. Trying to get comfortable these days is an accomplishment in itself and staying comfortable is even more difficult. After an hour of laying in the darkness, I sat up and felt a pain go down my left side. I decided I should probably lay back down. The pain continued, despite how I positioned myself.

Ever since my fainting episode on Tuesday, I have felt nauseated and light-headed. It was hard for me to eat or drink anything yesterday, so I attributed the side pains to dehydration. The pains then turned into contractions. I began timing them and finally decided it was time to wake Nathan up once the contractions were consistently 2 minutes apart for 45 minutes.

I rolled over and managed to say, "We need to go the hospital. Right now. I've been having contractions for over an hour, and they are 2 minutes apart."

Nathan jumped out of bed and said, "Well, I'm awake!"

We woke up Cheryl and Rex (my in-laws), and Cheryl sat with me to time contractions. She agreed we should go to the hospital in order to make sure everything was okay. We decided to go to the local Othello hospital, even though they are not equipped to handle premature infants. We were desperately hoping the contractions were something the community hospital could stop.

After a prayer, we were on our way. Unfortunately, it had snowed and the roads were extremely icy. Luckily for us, the hospital is only four houses down the street. As I took note of the road conditions, I realized any trip to the Tri-Cities would be hazardous (in case this was real labor and we needed to deliver). Nathan was great at calming me down and reminded me it was my birthday. He said the babies had to have their own birthday, so they couldn't be born today. I tried to smile, but I was pretty worried.

With Eliza, I went into preterm labor at 32 weeks, 34 weeks, and ultimately delivered her one day shy of 36 weeks. I only felt intense contractions like I did this morning on the day she was born; my preterm labor pains were an entirely different story. I tried not to focus on these facts, though.

I was admitted, and sure enough-- I was having contractions. The nurse, a really nice guy named Doug, said they looked minor (even though they didn't feel that way), but were definitely back to back. He said my body was "warming up" for delivery. He also let me know the contractions shouldn't be as uncomfortable as they obviously were. Some tests were done, and I have another bladder infection. Joy! The infection was causing additional uterine irritability, which made the contractions pretty painful.

Because the contractions were consistent for over an hour and showed no signs of slowing, I was given terbutaline to stop labor. [Warning. This is about to get slightly graphic: I was also 2 cm dilated, and the doctor could feel the suture lines on Baby A's head when he performed the exam. He said Baby A is definitely getting ready to come and that he could stay that low down until delivery. No wonder I have a hard time walking!] Within an hour of receiving the antibiotics via IV and a terbutaline shot, I felt immensely better. The contractions were gone, and the pain had subsided.

By 8 AM, I was back home. After being awake for 24 hours straight, I managed to sleep a few hours and have spent the remainder of my day in a weird fog brought on by a lack of sleep and a mixture of drugs. My birthday plans include sleeping as much as possible tonight. I can tell 25 is going to be an exciting age :)

I also have to say how incredibly grateful I am for modern medicine. I am so happy our babies can continue to grow strong. Even though I would have loved having birthday buddies, I would prefer they have their own birthday in a couple of weeks.

Wherein I Lose My Driving Privileges

2011-11-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went in for a non-stress test at my local doctor's office. During these tests, I am hooked up to multiple monitors and unable to move as I uncomfortably lay on my back and focus on breathing. The length of the test depends on the babies and their movement/sleep schedule, but I am usually strapped down for about an hour each visit. Needless to say, the appointment is long and boring. With these factors in mind, I decided to drive myself the one mile to my appointment and leave Nathan at home so Eliza could have her afternoon nap as scheduled.

After some deliberation, I decided I should probably let my doctor know my gestational diabetes test had never been performed. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Umm...shouldn't you have mentioned that weeks ago?" I guess the correct answer is yes. Yes, I should have said something 5 weeks ago when the test is typically done. However, I could not bring myself to face the reality of drinking the most vile liquid substance known to man (well, woman).

When I was pregnant with Eliza, my sister came to support me during my gestational diabetes test. She was a few weeks behind me with her own pregnancy, and I definitely was not the greatest example of things to come. I sat in the doctor's office and audibly gagged and then cried as I tried to drink 8 ounces of a lemon-lime mixture that tasted "just like Sprite!" My sister, disgusted by the sound of gagging, nearly threw up several times and ultimately had to leave the room. So, being the good 22 year old woman that I was, I literally kicked my feet in frustration and cried as the kind nurse told me: "If you don't finish drinking that glucola in the next 5 minutes, sweetheart, the test is completely useless." Somehow, between sobs, I managed to drink the rest of the lemon-lime nastiness. I then managed to keep the substance down for an hour like the test requires. As soon as my blood was drawn, I promptly threw up and felt sick for the entirety of the day. With this traumatic experience firmly lodged in my mind, I didn't exactly jump at the chance to have the test done again. (Additionally, a full blood panel was done a few weeks ago and the doctor saw no signs of high blood sugar or diabetes. I also used this to justify not saying anything.)

The night before my non-stress appointment, my other doctor mentioned a new way of performing glucose tests. At his office, women can choose between drinking the disgusting sugary drink and JELLY BEANS. Good doctor, where have you been all of my life!? I don't exactly love jelly beans, but eating 25 Jelly Bellies sounds like a walk in the park compared to the horrors of lemon-lime glucola. I decided I would go the Jelly Belly route (duh).

Sadly, Jelly Belly technology hasn't made it to Othello yet. The lab technician told me he had never heard of eating jelly beans as an alternative to drinking glucola. I immediately reached into my purse and produced the handout I had received the night before; it clearly explained that jelly beans were acceptable. He glanced at the sheet for a moment and then said, "Sorry. You have to drink this fruit punch glucola in less than 5 minutes. That's the only option. We'll then have you come back in an hour to have your blood drawn. That's the policy."

I was alone, and I wasn't mentally prepared to drink glucola; I was prepared to eat some Jelly Bellies! Being a much more mature 24 year old mother, I took the fruit punch without flinching and promptly chugged its contents as a room full of lab technicians said things like, "My wife threw up when she had to do this" and "Please don't throw up. A woman did that yesterday, and it wasn't fun for any of us." I didn't disappoint them.

With the glucola safely in my body, I went to have my non-stress done. I was feeling slightly nauseated, which was a combination of fasting for the diabetes test and drinking the glucola. The nurse remarked that I looked pale, and I told her I just needed to lay down. I also muttered something like, "I'm always pale" in attempt to show her I was feeling fine. For the next 45 minutes, the boys were monitored and everything looked perfect. Two nurses and a doctor came into the room to check my vitals and remove the monitors. Finally, it was time to sit up. With the help of the nurses, I was pulled into an upright position.

Taking my cue, I passed out.

The next thing I knew, I had a wet cloth on my forehead and fingers snapping in front of my face. I managed to say, "I'm okay. Just hungry." The fingers continued to snap, though, and I apparently passed out again.

I woke up and there were three nurses and a doctor in the room. My face was burning for some reason, and I felt my cheeks turning even redder as I fought off the embarrassment of fainting twice. Through my tears, I mumbled some sort of apology and then proceeded to faint again.

As with many things, the third time is the charm. The nurses brought me snacks and drinks, but I still had to wait 10 more minutes before my blood could be drawn for the glucose test. I did not want to repeat the test again! The doctor heard (somehow) that I had driven myself to the appointment and made me call my mother-in-law to come and pick me up. He stayed in the room, watched me dial, and listened to the conversation to make sure I actually called her.

Cheryl came, my blood was drawn, and I was able to finally leave. Before I left, I was told, "You can't drive anymore." I haven't driven on my own in weeks (actually months), so this isn't a huge deal. I just hope I sufficiently recover from my immense embarrassment before my appointment next Monday. I keep telling myself, "You're pregnant. It's okay to swoon." I'll let that be my mantra these last three weeks.

33 Weeks and Updates!

2011-11-15T19:12:00.000-08:00

[warning: this post could be overly long.]

Although reaching 33 weeks of pregnancy has brought new meaning to the word exhaustion, I am trying to find joy in simply making it another week. Only three more weeks to go! I've got this!

The last couple of days, I have really struggled with the complete lack of control I have right now. Me? Care about control? WHAT!? Yes. I do like having a plan and knowing what to expect. It's just part of my nature. So, feeling like I cannot I have a "normal" day and plan on spending my evenings doing something other than staying in bed has become quite difficult.

I have become so large that it is painful to walk even short distances. I waddle everywhere and can't help but think of Nathan's words the last time I was pregnant. We were walking into Walmart, and he was patiently waiting for me to catch up to him. I let him know that it was hard for me to keep up with his fast pace, and his response was, "I can't wait for this pregnancy to be over so I can walk fast again." Oh, Nathan. Such honesty.

The waddling isn't anything different, but I have started the new habit of sleeping most of the day. I simply cannot stay awake. I don't even have enough energy to watch episodes of Law and Order on Netflix these days. That is serious. Apparently, hibernation suits me well because I still show no signs of contractions and the babies are thriving.

We had two appointments yesterday: one with the perinatologist and another with our new OB/GYN. The first appointment, which included an hour long biophysical ultrasound, went well. Baby A and Baby B somehow switched (or either I have been confused this entire time), and Baby A (formerly Baby B) is now closer to my cervix and the "lead" baby. He weighs in at an estimated 4 pound 10 ounces, while his brother is 4 pounds 11 ounces. That means I have over 9 pounds of baby in me. I guess I have good reason to waddle.

We met briefly with the doctor before leaving and he again stressed the importance of having the babies before 36 weeks. He mentioned a conference he attended, where the discussion involved the sudden death of monochorianic-diamniotic twins (pregnancies like mine with one placenta, two sacks). I nodded that I understood the gravity of delivering right at 36 weeks, but what I wanted to say was: "WHY are you telling me this!? PLEASE STOP TALKING."

So yes, our children will definitely be here before December 4th.

Nathan and I then went to our next appointment to meet Dr. O, who will deliver our sons. I had read Dr. O was notorious for ridiculously long waiting times, so I scheduled our appointment for the last opening of the day. My thinking: If the office closes at 5, then an appointment which begins at 5 will not last long. Who wants to stay later than scheduled hours? This, for some reason, made sense in my mind.

Imagine my surprise when Nathan and I walked into the office, only to see approximately 20-25 people waiting. Angry, tired people. The frustration was almost palpable. We checked in and the nurse said the doctor was running about 40 minutes behind. 40 minutes? I can handle that. We live an hour away from the office, so we figured it would be better to wait than to reschedule. Three and a half hours later, we met the doctor.

Three and a half hours. When you spend the majority of your day laying down, this amount of time feels like an eternity. The woman beside me had gestational diabetes, was also pregnant with twins, and had driven 45 minutes for her appointment. She waited over 4 hours to be seen, so I really had no room to complain. By the time the doctor came into the room, I was tired, angry, frustrated, and hungry. I had been crying and trying not to freak out on the nurses. One nurse told Nathan and I that the doctor is typically two to three hours behind schedule. She said people are angry every day and patients constantly yell at her. Obviously, they have a problem with scheduling.

Nathan was going to "have some words" with the doctor, but after a minute of chatting, we were charmed. He is an incredibly nice man, and I immediately felt like I could trust him. Because he does not practice with a group of other doctors, he has to run back and forth between appointments and delivering babies at the hospital. Naturally, this makes him one busy man. We spoke to him about our birth plan and he is determined to do a natural birth. Both babies are head down and hopefully they will stay that way. Unlike the other doctors we met this summer, he did not ask, "When do you want to schedule your c-section?" or "Would you like your tubes tied afterward?" I could understand why people are willing to put up with the horrible waiting time once we spoke with him. He also let us know that most patients check in and then go to dinner or run errands during their "waiting time." Nathan and I will not make the same mistake twice!

I will continue to see Dr. Miu for my weekly appointments and non-stress tests in order to avoid driving an hour each way. Dr. O was perfectly fine with this arrangement, and we won't see him again until December 2nd. Everything ended up working out well, and I am glad we like and trust our delivering doctor.

Things are going to be incredibly different in 20 days (or so)!

How is That Possible?!

2011-11-11T21:53:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, I went in for a non stress test and a regular OB appointment. I mentioned previously that I measured nearly 35 weeks along. As many of you know, this number is based on fundal height, which is the measurement from the top of the uterus to the pubic bone. After 12 weeks of pregnancy, fundal height measurement often matches the number of weeks you have been pregnant. So, if a woman is 24 weeks pregnant, the fundal height usually measures 24 centimeters. Today, only three days later, I am now measuring 42 weeks pregnant. That is more than a 7 week (and 7 cm) change in 3 days!

I haven't gained any weight, so I assume the addition of 7 cm to my fundal height is due to the babies readjusting. I have felt some crazy movement, so I imagine Baby A is doing the Superman in utero. It's the only reasonable explanation I can come up with! Sadly, these measurements prove that I do, in fact, look like a human torpedo.

Photographic evidence. This is the difference of five days.

After I repeatedly asked Nathan to retake my photo, he finally said: "It's not the camera. It's not the angles. It's the subject."

Ouch.

If you want to see a more interesting view of this, Nathan used his Photoshop skills to overlap the images. It's not perfect, but it definitely illustrates the point.

Boys - Listen to Your Mother and Stay Still

2011-11-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

While I have always seen myself as someone who wanted children and to be a nurturer, I seem to be missing the "I love being pregnant and feeling my babies move" maternal gene.

Pregnancy is rough on the human body--particularly my human body. I see some women with beautiful, healthy hair and glowing skin and think, "Must be nice." I, on the other hand, vomit constantly for months and then lay around in my pajamas for a few more months. Glamorous.

When it comes to feeling the babies move, I have expressed my thoughts on the matter several times. I always make sure to mention that movement is comforting (because it is), but really, I have a hard time dealing with the amount of turns, kicks, and punches lately.

Last night, I hysterically laughed/cried as I tried to fall asleep because the boys would not stay still (just ask Nathan. He had no clue how to react. Was I dying? Should he laugh too? No. Don't laugh. Only I laugh. You...you feel bad for me. Got it?). I believe Baby A may have flipped or turned completely. He pushed his bum up against my skin, which transformed my stomach into an oddly shaped torpedo. He then decided to remain in that position (which was painful for me) until I literally pushed his bottom back down. Gross. Seriously gross. Baby B, who usually plays nice, decided to join in on the action and was ramming his head repeatedly into my side. Why?? !

Well, enough complaining. I should probably name something I am grateful for to counter the angst of this post. Hmm...I am grateful for cheese and a husband who refills my water bottle every time I yell for him (I need a bell or something). That excuses my negativity, right?

Are We There Yet?

2011-11-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

If I had to describe how I feel in one word, it would be tired.

I am so tired.

Today, total exhaustion has overwhelmed my body. My ribs and back are so sore that it hurts to lay down, but I am too tired to even sit up. If I didn't have to worry about eating so much, I would probably just sleep the entire day. I'm nauseated, aching, and feeling very pregnant. Constant kicks remind me that my body isn't entirely my own. And while feeling the boys move can be comforting, their nonstop movement has become quite ridiculous. If I lay on my left side, Baby B kicks and complains. If I lay on my right side, Baby A has a fit. If I lay on my back, I can't breathe. So really, there is no good solution to the problem.

My mother called earlier tonight, and I could barely give her an update on my current condition. I think I managed to say, "I'm just so tired."

She knowingly said, "I know you are ready for this to be over." I immediately responded, "No. Not really...because this being over means two more babies, and they need to grow as long as they possibly can. Also, we don't have any diapers yet."

Every day, we are a step closer to having three children. That is triple the current number of our offspring (math is so weird and when I think about it like that, I begin to freak out a little). I know I am tired now, but I assume I will be tired a month from today when we have two more little ones.

Selfishly, I am excited to have my own body back. I'm currently measuring 35 weeks pregnant, which may not sound huge to many of you. However, like I said earlier, I was never this big with Eliza. I can't sit up or get out of bed without assistance. Additionally, I finally reached the stage where I find it impossible to dress myself. How does that happen!? My hands are swollen, and I had to take off my wedding ring yesterday (another first). I feel huge, but I am amazed that my body has done so well considering the circumstances.

25 days and counting! I know Nathan will be happy to have his wife back, and Eliza will enjoy actually playing with me, rather than only watching television together.

Weird Dreams

2011-11-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

I know crazy dreams can often be a symptom of pregnancy. Perhaps it is the hormones or the stress, but my dreams the past few days have been so vivid that I wake up confused. I find myself thinking, "Wait. Did that happen?"

A few nights ago, I dreamed we actually had triplets rather than twins. Last night, I dreamed we had twin daughters and that my mother lost one of the babies when she was helping me watch them. She couldn't remember which room she had left the baby in, so I was frantically running throughout the house, searching for my child. Strange, right?

The most interesting element to many of these dreams is that they involve two little girls. There is no doubt we are having sons, so why do I never dream about little boys? I mostly blame my dreams at the beginning of this pregnancy. Remember when I said I was psychic? Before we found out we were having twins, I dreamed Nathan and I had twin daughters. Funny enough, Nathan also had a similar dream the night before the big ultrasound. That's why I jokingly asked, "Are you sure there is only one?" when we went in for our first ultrasound. Nathan also felt like we were having little girls, so imagine our surprise when we discovered we were having two little boys. Obviously, I am terrible at discerning the gender of my children.

That being said, Nathan and I are ecstatic we're having two little boys. The look on Nathan's face when I asked the ultrasound technician to confirm the undeniable truth of us having two boys was priceless. I felt surprise and then immense happiness and peace. Eliza can remain the only little princess, and I have always wanted baby boys; it's the best of both worlds!

So, even though I don't actually believe I am psychic, Nathan and I are hesitant to press our luck. What if we had another set of twins? That would be awesome, but it sounds like a whole lot of craziness! I think three children sounds like a perfect number.

32 Weeks

2011-11-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Today marks 32 weeks, which is a huge milestone in the twin pregnancy world. I gained 5 pounds this week (success!), and I can definitely feel the extra weight on my joints, back, sides, ribs...everywhere.

Yesterday, I proudly told my sister my current weight. She gasped and said, "What!? No way!" Obviously, this nonstop eating is helping and all three of us are growing just fine.

Less than 30 days until we meet our little boys!

How Exciting!

2011-11-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

For the past few months, Nathan and I have heard the exclamation, "How exciting!" dozens of times. Everyone is so happy for us to have twins-- family, friends, and even complete strangers (we're excited, too).

And although it seems like everyone knows someone who has twins or is pregnant with twins, people are always fascinated by multiple births. I find myself constantly answering the same set of questions.

The conversations usually go something like this:

"Twins? How exciting! How far along are you?"

"(Insert number) weeks."

"Do you know if you are having boys or girls?"

"We're having two boys."

"Are they identical?"

"Yep!"

"How can they tell that!?"

"Well, the doctors can see the babies are sharing a placenta, so that means they have to be identical."

"So, do twins run in your family?"

"They do on my husband's side, but because our twins are identical, it means it has nothing to do with genetics. It's really a lucky coincidence."

"Oh really (doesn't look convinced). So, are you having a c-section?"

"Hopefully not. It depends on the babies."

"I just assumed all twins were born by c-section these days. So, did you and your husband plan on this? Were they natural?"

"Yes, we planned on having another baby. No, we didn't decide to have twins. And yes, they are natural." (followed by my awkward, uncomfortable laughter)

I think that covers the basics.

I realize conversations like these can be extremely annoying for many pregnant women, but I actually don't mind the questions. The only questions I try to avoid are the final ones I mentioned-- the ones about whether or not Nathan and I "planned" to get pregnant with twins and if they are natural. Not only are these question ridiculous, but it is awkward for obvious reasons. Other than that, though, I am more than happy to talk about our babies. They occupy my thoughts the majority of the day and growing them is my full-time job. I also realize I have been on the opposite side of the conversation.

Before my own twin pregnancy, I was fascinated by multiples. This infatuation began years ago when I was a little girl; I always wanted two baby dolls so I could pretend I had twins. Additionally, I was obsessed with Quints. Do you remember these?

When I called my grandmother and announced we were having twins, she happily exclaimed: "Oh, Cil! This is perfect for you. It's like your dream come true!"

And you know what? It is.

Behold, the Power of Words!

2011-11-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

Just a few months ago, Nathan and I discussed how wonderful it would be once Eliza could voice her opinions and speak in full sentences. We would play the guessing game with her as she said words we couldn't quite discern. I found myself constantly asking her, "Did you want this?,"or "Do you need that?"

I hated knowing Eliza was frustrated with her inability to effectively communicate. Thankfully, she learned a few baby signs and could tell us some basic needs (i.e. if she was hungry or thirsty). Eliza is particular about many things, though, so this didn't help us too much.

So, here we are today and Eliza is vocalizing every little thought and desire. Here are a few common phrases heard in our household lately:

"I want Gabba."
"I want more juice."
"I want chocolate milk... in a bottle."
"I want a hot dog."
"I want more ketchup."
"I want twinkle." (sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)
"I want a pink marshmellow."
"I want a black cookie." (Oreo)
"I want a pancake." (she actually means a cupcake)
"I want to try again."

Now that she can actually verbalize her various wants, Eliza expects to receive everything she requests. If we ignore a plea for a certain something or tell her "no," she acts as though we didn't hear her the first time. For minutes, she will repeatedly say the same phrase over...and over...and over again. She will then look at us with a face that says: "Can't you hear me?! I know I said this right!"

Yesterday, after Eliza cried "I want more Gabba" for ages and then refused to eat dinner and begged for chocolate milk, Nathan looked at me and said, "I don't understand what is going on here. We've given her boundaries. We have a routine, and she knows she has to eat dinner. She can't always have chocolate milk and watch television. Where is this coming from!?"

And then, with shame, I silently raised my hand. Nathan and I couldn't help but laugh because it is coming from me! She sees me drinking milk constantly throughout the day and knows I add Carnation Instant Breakfast in the morning and at night (i.e. chocolate milk). She also knows I am in bed the majority of the day, reading or watching television. For right now, I am not the best example.

Over the last few days, Eliza has made it well known that she would like a routine more similar to mine. Additionally, she no longer goes willingly to bed and fights with Nathan over taking naps. Even after she is in bed, we hear her asking for things she "wants." Last night, she woke up several times in the middle of the night.

She had one want: "Da-da." I think she cried his name twice before Nathan ran upstairs. As soon as she saw him, she said, "I want twinkle!" It's so hard to be upset with a cute little toddler.

While Eliza can be very opinionated and stubborn, Nathan is calm and possesses an inordinate amount of patience. I am impressed daily with his ability to negotiate with Eliza. He gives her opportunities to "try again" and "make good choices." I'm grateful for such a wonderful husband. It comes in handy...especially in these kinds of situations :)

Curlers, Please

2011-11-03T16:25:00.000-07:00

Eliza has recently started to express an interest in more "girly" things. For months, she has shunned baby dolls and bows and has instead opted to dig in the sand, play with trucks, and collect toy trains. Nathan and I have encouraged her to do what she wants, so she has amassed a rather large collection of matchbox cars and helicopters. I guess "boy" toys are much more exciting. I've saved the Polly Pockets and princess jewelry for someday when Eliza deems them worthy of her time (if that ever happens).

Over the past few weeks, though, she has suddenly decided it's okay to put on dresses and even requests to wear her "sparkle shoes" every day. She still isn't a fan of things in her hair, stuffed animals, or dolls, but does enjoy lip gloss and and the color pink.

Speaking of "things in her hair," Eliza's hair is out of control. I'm not sure what to do with it because cutting it will not solve the problem of it constantly being in her eyes (unless we give her bangs...which wouldn't really work with her curls). She allowed pig tails for a while, but is over that phase. Any bow, clip, or rubberband is promptly pulled out. So, imagine my surprise last night when Eliza requested curlers in her hair!

Grandma was rolling her hair, and Eliza thought it would be a good idea for her to join in on the fun. She was dismayed that we only gave her one curler and insisted, "More curlers, please!"

Grandma came to the rescue.

Eliza was happy, but a little embarrassed of her new look. She kept the curlers in for over an hour, though!

Now, if I could only think of a way to convince her to keep other things in her hair....She's especially cute when you can see her little face!

(We should also work more on the baby doll issue. We found her repeatedly slamming her doll on the floor after I pretended it was "mommy's baby." She loves kids, but doesn't quite understand babies or what the point of a baby doll is. Hopefully, she adjusts well to two her new brothers).

Halloween Night

2011-11-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

On Halloween night, Nathan and I decided we wouldn't take Eliza door to door trick-or-treating. She had already received an excessive amount of candy at trunk-or-treat, so we didn't think it was really necessary. Besides, it was cold and dark, which didn't seem like great conditions for a two year old.

Despite all of these reasons (or excuses?), I was feeling a little guilty for not taking her out. Nathan and I were at an appointment in the Tri-Cities until 6:30 and were surprised to see a happy little princess handing out candy at our front door when we arrived home.

Grandma added fairy wings and a wand because Eliza liked them :)

Apparently, for Eliza, it is much better to give than to receive. Anytime the doorbell rang, she excitedly ran to the door and yelled, "Trick-or Treat!" She then proceeded to give each child a piece of candy and thank them for coming. She did this for over two hours and it never got old to her.

So yes, we have it confirmed. Eliza is an extrovert. She loves being around other children, which will hopefully be a wonderful thing once her twin brothers arrive. Brace yourself, Eliza!

A Change in Plans

2011-11-02T14:23:00.000-07:00

After meeting with Dr. Miu in Othello, we thought we had a solid birthing plan. We planned on having the babies at the smaller, community hospital as long as I made it safely to 36 weeks. If anything appeared to be amiss, we would immediately be taken to Spokane or the Tri-Cities for better care.

However, as I began reading various articles and doing research on premature twins, a number of red flags went up in my mind. I knew I needed more information in order to feel peace about our decision. Nathan and I decided to speak with our perinatologist, Dr. Halverson, and to then discuss the issue with Dr. Miu again in order to alleviate any fears.

When we asked, "What is the safest plan for us to have the boys? Where should we deliver?," Dr. Halverson recommended we meet with the local pediatrician who would tend to the babies once born. Dr. Miu reiterated this suggestion, so Nathan made an appointment to speak with the doctor.

He received some surprising news, and our plans definitively changed. As luck would have it, Dr. Anwon, the pediatrician, will be out of town from December 2nd - December 10th. I will be induced on December 4th if I haven't already gone into labor naturally, so this is obviously a problem. While there will of course be another doctor on call, Dr. Anwon explained the hospital would not have the necessary staffing or equipment to deal with two premature babies at once. Each baby would require its own medical team and the hospital cannot offer that in her absence. And, if I were to go into labor before December 2nd, Dr. Anwon stated the hospital could not provide the care needed for two premature infants, even if she was available.

She explained that premature boy babies "misbehave" more than premature girl babies. Eliza was 5 weeks premature and was a healthy 6 pounds at birth. She had no complications and came home two days later. Unfortunately, boys usually require more support if born early. With this fact in mind, she let us know that having our children in Othello was out of the question.

Cue me freaking out.

There is a hospital four doors down from my house, and it is essentially useless? Well, I guess that isn't even a question. Yes, the hospital is useless as it cannot help me or my children. This means that the closest hospital with capable staff and equipment is an hour away.

With that in mind, this is our new plan: Ty and Jenny, Nathan's brother and my lovely sister-in-law, live in the Tri-Cities. I asked if I could stay with them once I reach 35 weeks in order to be closer to the hospital. If anything happens before 35 weeks, Nathan and I will go to the hospital down the street and hope they can quickly fly/drive us somewhere.

I'm not really worried about going into labor before 36 weeks, though. At my appointment yesterday, everything looked wonderful. I have no signs of contractions and the doctor said nothing indicates an early delivery. I'm telling my body to go into labor at 35 weeks 6 days, so I don't have to be induced. It's going to work, too (at least that is what I am telling myself).

Our plans have changed, but I think it is for the best. We will be at a much better hospital, which makes me feel incredibly better about the entire situation. We will also be switching doctors yet again. Dr. Miu recommended someone in the Tri-Cities, and I meet with him on the 14th. I hope he is excited to take on a new patient who is 34 weeks pregnant with twins!

Overall, this entire experience has shown me what a blessing it is to live close to nice hospitals and civilization. When we lived in Provo, I took the capable hospitals and doctors for granted. We had options when it came to medicine, and that just isn't the case here. As long as our babies are taken care of, though, I am fine with being an hour away from home.

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!

2011-10-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

Eliza was an adorable little princess for Halloween this year. Although she loved twirling in her pretty dress, she made it known that not all princesses enjoy wearing a crown.

This is Eliza giving me her death stare for placing a crown upon her head.

After much coaxing (and the promise of candy), Nathan and I finally convinced Eliza to wear the crown for a few minutes so we could quickly take some pictures.

Eliza practicing her model faces.

Cinderella and her pumpkin.

This is her saying she is "all ready" to go get some treats!

This dress was totally worth the 50 cents I paid for it at a yard sale!

She gave us a few smiles and then promptly threw the crown on the ground. I was excited we managed to get a few cute pictures before the crown meltdown. She was so excited to dress up and go out, and I couldn't help but smile as I watched her dance around in her costume. She was so happy!

Nathan and I then took her to the church a block away for the trunk-or-treat party. I stayed in the car, while they walked around to the various trunks. Nathan taught her how to say "trick-or-treat," and she would excitedly yell either "trick" or "treat" to the various people giving away candy.

After twenty minutes, she was pretty exhausted. This is the face of a child who is crashing after an afternoon of excitement.

I was already overdoing it by being out of bed, so we were fine with coming home early. It was a great evening with our little princess!

p.s. I always thought the Fairy Godmother was saying, "Bippity-boppity-boo." Nathan was nice enough to correct me. How did I miss that? I've seen Cinderella a million times!

31 Weeks

2011-10-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

Another week has passed! I feel like celebrating every Sunday because it is just so exciting to be another week further along without any complications. The final countdown has started, as we are down to five weeks remaining (if everything goes as planned). That's less than 40 days. Wow.

This week, I officially reached the "I am miserable and suffering" point of pregnancy. Joy! I never felt this way with Eliza; I was uncomfortable, but I would never find myself crying because I couldn't breathe or sit up without assistance. I'm to that point now, and I am trying my hardest to put mind over body. I find myself saying things like: "I'm okay," or "I can do this." It helps...most of the time.

Something that has helped me remain (somewhat) positive has been focusing on short-term, rather than long-term goals. By doing this, I find myself constantly thanking Heavenly Father for His blessings. Each night, I am grateful to have lasted one more day, instead of only giving thanks at the end of each week (I do that, too, but the daily gratitude is truly more fulfilling).

At our appointment on Monday, I weighed 20 pounds more than I did the day I gave birth to Eliza. 20 pounds!! I can't believe I am still underweight, but I have certainly been working on bulking up. Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions!

So, here I am at 31 weeks!

(And just so you know, my weekly pictures are about the only motivation I have to wear something other than pajamas, brush my hair, and put on a little make up. Kind of pathetic, but a girl needs something to look forward to. Perhaps it is a good thing I haven't lost all of my vanity?)

The WHAT on the WHAT does WHAT?!?!?

2011-10-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

Proof that preschool is teaching Eliza tons of useful information.

She now knows all the parts on a bus and what they do.

I Get That All the Time

2011-10-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I like to grow me out a beard. In the initial stages, it looks something like this:

As it grows in more I start getting comments of who I look like. I've gotten Mel Gibson, Tom Hanks, and Paul Giamatti (I know, right?). But now I can add another doppleganger to the list.

I was at preschool with Eliza and it was playground time. There's a little girl named Sunny who has always been particularly wary of me -- probably because I'm the only guy. Well this was the first week I was sporting the on-the-way-to-a-beard thing on my face, and I noticed Sunny trying to figure me out. She crawled out from a tunnel in the play thing and stopped when she saw me. She looked at me (which was a huge deal), so I thought "hey she's getting used to me" and I smiled really big at her. As I smiled, her eyes got wider and she slowly backed up into the tunnel she was coming out of.

I was pretty happy with our recent breakthrough until I saw her run to her mom and whisper something to her. Her mom came over and told me what she said . . . "Mom, I'm scared of Jesus."

Just wait, Sunny, just you wait:

October 27th, 2009, 2010, 2011

2011-10-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

Here is a comparison:

2009

2010

2011

Proof babies grow incredibly fast. (Nathan adds they also become increasingly cuter).

I'll admit: Eliza at this moment is pretty much one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

Two Years Ago Today

2011-10-27T19:22:00.000-07:00

I was uploading some new pictures this afternoon and thought it would be fun to see if I had any photos from a year ago today. I began looking and found only a couple of shots from 2010. I decided to go back to 2009 (when all I did was take pictures constantly of Eliza and anyone around) and found photographic evidence of a wonderful evening.

Eliza and I were with these people:

...and we were watching Fear Fest while enjoying delicious hot chocolate. My friends were nice enough to entertain baby Eliza and even managed to get her to sleep!

I remember feeling so normal that evening. I was with friends who loved (and still love) me, enjoying Halloween festivities and having a wonderful time. I began thinking and realized this night occurred during the time when Eliza was in the midst of colic (crying 17 hours a day), Nathan and I were unemployed and desperately looking for jobs (and even more desperately poor), and life seemed overwhelming most days. I think all of my blog posts from this stage of life were tragically depressing due to the stresses of life (sorry).

It's crazy to think only a few months later, our lives would take a dramatic upswing. Nathan and I were able to secure great jobs, and Eliza finally conquered colic. Everything became more manageable and life became immensely more enjoyable.

I remember hearing stories about people who said they would never change the hardest times of their lives because these were the moments that shaped them as individuals, couples, and families. I often found that hard to believe because hey- who wants to suffer? But looking back (and to be cliche), I am so grateful for the challenges Nathan and I experienced together.

We learned we could handle sleepless nights, financial stress, juggling multiple jobs, and sharing parental and household responsibilities. We learned to fully trust Heavenly Father and depend on Him when we felt we didn't have the energy to last another minute. We learned to maintain hope that things would change. And you know what? It's two years later, and all is well.

I love this quote by James E. Faust:

"In the many trials of life, when we feel abandoned and when sorrow, sin, disappointment, failure, and weakness make us less than we should ever be, there can come the healing salve of the unreserved love in the grace of God. It is a love that lifts and blesses. It is a love that sustains a new beginning on a higher level and thereby continues from grace to grace."

I couldn't agree more.

I also know that surrounding myself with positivity and loving friends/people made a huge impact. I felt God's love through the kind actions of dear friends, through uplifting conversations with amazing coworkers, and even from inspiring blog posts. I firmly believe trials happen for a reason, and I am grateful for the opportunity they give us to grow and develop as individuals.

That being said, I definitely enjoy the upswings of life. I think I am good with downswings for now :)

** Looking back at old pictures strongly reinforces my satisfaction with our new camera. I can't believe how much a difference it makes!

Counting Calories

2011-10-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

That's right. You heard me. Today begins day one of strictly monitoring my caloric intake, but it's probably not what you think.

I need to be eating more. Lots more, actually. I should be consuming approximately 3,500 calories a day in order to maintain a healthy weight for these babies. And because I am slightly underweight (due to first trimester weight loss), I should actually aim for 4,000 calories.

3,500 calories!? 4,000 calories!?!? It blows my mind. I definitely haven't been holding back or dieting this entire pregnancy, but I feel a little stressed trying to find a way to eat that many calories. One of my pregnancy books suggested 3,000 calories, which seemed overwhelming at the time. An additional thousand calories now seems impossible! If you know me well or have ever had the pleasure of being my roommate, you probably know I could live off of cereal and chocolate milk. Unfortunately, that doesn't cut it when one is pregnant (and especially pregnant with twins).

Because I depend on Nathan and Cheryl for all of my meals, I have been hesitant to ask for three courses a day, please! We all talked last night, though, and my wonderful family let me know it is quite ridiculous that I haven't asked for more. If I want spaghetti for lunch, they'll make it. If I need a meal after dinner, Nathan is all about cooking. Copious amounts of milk, yogurt, smoothies, cereal, and nuts will be supplemented with even more food.

Knowing my personality, I have to plan for my calories each day...or I may fall behind. I remain in bed throughout the day, which means I sleep more than I probably should and miss the opportunity to eat. So, Nathan and I are going to be vigilant about it. After reading a number of articles that focused on the correlation between a well-balanced diet and healthy-sized twins, I felt extremely motivated to do more on my part. I know it isn't breaking news that one should eat more, but I think you know what I mean.

My doctor has suggested I eat throughout the day, and I intend on doing just that! I feel great about myself every time I see I have gained weight. It's funny how that works :)

Oh, and did I mention my water intake has been bumped up to 100 ounces a day? Instead of 80? Yes, important stuff going on here, people. But, if you only knew how much I hated water, you would realize just how serious this is.

I just have to end this post by saying I am truly grateful these are the challenges of my today. I have the burden of eating more and drinking more. And while it may seem overwhelming to me (at the time), it's a pretty charmed life.

I'd love some calorie booster suggestions. Any milkshake recipes or ideas?

p.s. Last night, I adjusted my desired caloric intake on mydailyplate.com to 4,000 calories. The last time I used this site was in May, and my caloric intake then was 1,400 daily. Oh, how things change!

30 Weeks

2011-10-23T15:16:00.000-07:00

These boys are getting big! I am so excited to be 30 weeks pregnant today. Six more weeks to go!

Like I said in a previous post, each passing week feels like a small triumph. Physically, I'm feeling great and everything is going smoothly.

My mental and emotional well-being is another story. This past week, Nathan has been very sick. He had flu-like symptoms that wiped him out and then developed a debilitating canker sore (those things are the devil!). Due to the infection, it has been impossible for him to eat, talk, and even sleep. He has been miserable to say the least, and I have felt horrible watching him struggle each day. It has been difficult for him to keep up with Eliza, but he has managed without any help from me. Thankfully, my mother-in-law is amazing and able to lend a helping hand when needed.

So yes, I have "bed rest" guilt or whatever you want to call it. I see all of these things that need to be done, but find myself incapable of contributing in any way. Nathan and Cheryl take turns making meals, Nathan tends to Eliza, Nathan does the laundry and cleans our room, and what do I do? Well, I'm pregnant.

I've complained about these thoughts of being a burden and feeling useless before, so obviously it is an ongoing battle. I constantly have to remind myself I'm doing something really important by laying down the majority of the day. Last night, I was reading one of my twin pregnancy books and stumbled across some thoughts from a fellow twin mother. She wrote:

"Do you feel like you are doing nothing for your unborn babies? Do some of the recommendations-to rest, relax, relinquish responsibilities and activities- make an expectant mother's job seem annoying passive? Don't look at it that way. You're not doing nothing; you're gestating. Right now, for you, that's the most important job in the world. You're doing whatever it takes to allow your pregnancy to continue as long as possible, to help your babies develop as optimally as possible, and to keep yourself as healthy as possible."

That's exactly what I needed to read. Thank you (again) for the book, Becky!

At the end of the day, the health and safety of these babies is ultimately more important that completing any chore or task. There is no reason for me to feel guilty because being pregnant is a full-time job. Thankfully, Nathan feels the same way and encourages me to stay down as much as possible.

"Staying down" also means not going to church. This morning, I felt guilty as I watched my family get dressed in their nice clothes. I told myself: "I could make it an hour." Well, after my experience today, I don't foresee many church meetings in the near future. As I sat on the hard, upright pew and struggled to catch my breath, I realized there was no reason for me to feel guilty about staying home on Sundays. That's what the book was saying, right?

I'm grateful for these twins. I'm grateful for my husband and the sacrifices he continually makes for our family. I'm so glad that I have amazing, supportive friends who text, call, email, and leave friendly blog comments. I know these remaining six weeks will go by quicker than we realize, and everything we have gone though to get to the moment of meeting our boys will be well worth it.

Psst...You're Staring

2011-10-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month, the preschool class my mother-in-law teaches went to the local fair. Eliza is in the toddler class for younger children, but Cheryl thought it would be a fun outing for our little lady. Nathan and I agreed Eliza would love the fair and were happy she was able to tag along on the field trip. It's definitely nice to have Grandma as the teacher!

This was the week I was strictly forbidden to do anything, so Cheryl made sure to document the outing by taking a few pictures with her iPhone. I was going through the pictures and stumbled across these gems:

Eliza with all the pumpkins. Cute.

Eliza staring at one of her classmates. It's not that obvious, is it?

Yes, yes it is.

For some reason, I couldn't stop laughing. She just looks so curious! Growing up in South Carolina, I was surrounded by a diverse culture. So far, Eliza has been exposed to the culture of Utah and eastern Washington. Her face says it all....diversi-what??

One Pringle, Please

2011-10-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

Eliza knows what she wants. Often, her determination is one of the most adorable aspects of her personality (sometimes it isn't when she is determined to watch more television or not to sleep).

Here is an instance of determination's cuteness:

I particularly enjoy how she shuts her eyes in order to savor every crumb of that chip. So Eliza.

You Have it All Wrong

2011-10-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

Nathan didn't appreciate a knowing look from me after I read this fortune out loud:

He instantly said, "Don't look at me!"...like I was implying something.

I couldn't stop laughing, but in my defense, I just thought it was a pretty cool fortune and was looking for some sort of validation from my husband. I wasn't insinuating that Nathan wasn't a treasure in the eyes of others. Honest.

Homemade Play Dough

2011-10-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have seen several recipes on Pinterest for homemade play dough. I mentioned I was interested in making some for Eliza, and my mother-in-law, Cheryl, gave me the best recipe. As a preschool teacher, Cheryl tried a number of versions until she found this winning recipe. Today, she and Eliza made a batch, and I was extremely impressed with how wonderful the play dough turned out.

It took less than 10 minutes to make and was a big hit with Eliza, who enjoyed rolling the dough and stamping out shapes with various cookie cutters.

Here is the simple recipe:

2 cups of water
3 tbsp of cooking oil
2 1/2 cups of sifted flour
1/2 cup of salt
1 tbsp of cream of tartar
food coloring of your choice

Boil the water, oil, and the food coloring.* Remove from heat and stir in salt, flour, and cream of tartar. Knead thoroughly. Store in covered container in refrigerator. As seen in the pictures above, a food processor comes in handy with this recipe.

*To make things more exciting, Cheryl added nearly an entire, tiny bottle of green food coloring in order for the color to be very vibrant. She also added a few drops of lavender to give the dough a pleasant smell.

Additionally, the dough doesn't have to be stored in the refrigerator. It may last longer that way, but apparently a tightly sealed Ziploc bag is more than sufficient.

And there you go! After seeing how cheap and easy this play dough is to make, I cannot understand why anyone would ever chose to purchase it. I hope you (and/or your children) enjoy this recipe as much as Eliza!

Fun at the Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

Eliza's toddler class met at the pumpkin patch this morning for a fun little field trip. Because I was feeling pretty well and knew it wouldn't be a long adventure, I decided to tag along. One of Eliza's favorite Portuguese words is "abóbora," which means pumpkin, so she knew exactly where we were going when Nathan told her. As soon as we let her out of the car, she ran straight to the field of pumpkins and surveyed her options.

She enjoyed running through the pumpkin patch and finally picked her pumpkin. The preschool received an amazing deal and the children were able to pick any pumpkin for just a dollar! We got a huge, beautiful pumpkin that we are excited to carve tonight for our family home evening.

I decided to wear an orange shirt, which maybe wasn't the best idea. More than one person commented that I should have put a jack-o-lantern face on my stomach, as it looked like a giant pumpkin. Awesome!!

Eliza slowed down for a few seconds and (somewhat) posed for pictures with Mom and Dad.

She then joined the rest of her classmates for a group picture:

They weren't too excited about staying still.

We also managed to get a family photo and a couple of cute shots of Eliza.

Eliza in a daze induced by too many pictures being taken.

On the way out, Eliza made sure to say bye-bye to the scarecrow.

She also made sure we took our pumpkin home.

It was a wonderful outing. I hope she enjoys carving the pumpkin tonight!

29 Weeks

2011-10-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

Another week has safely passed, and I am definitely feeling thoroughly pregnant. The boys move throughout the day, and Baby A continues to move throughout the night as well. Recently, I have been unable to sleep unless I am surrounded by a wall of pillows. Lucky for me, I found a fellow twin mom in the area who offered her body pillow at an amazing price.

I am now the proud owner of this amazing item:

Kind of a weird picture, but you get the idea.

Crazy, huh? It wraps around the front and the back. Nathan and I picked it up after my doctor's appointment, and I cannot wait to try it out tonight. I expect some amazing sleep!

Our appointment with the perinatologist was great and everything appears to be going wonderfully. The boys are exactly the same size and weigh an estimated 2 pounds 12 ounces. This means there are still no signs of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, which is an amazing blessing. Additionally, both babies are head down, and I am hoping they continue to stay put for the next few weeks. The doctor said we were all doing "swimmingly," and I really couldn't ask for a better adjective to describe our current status.

So, here I am at 29 weeks.

I am so big that my belly button has officially popped out (that never happened with Eliza, so it really grosses me out). I saw Eliza staring at my belly this weekend and suddenly, she lifted my shirt, grabbed at my bellybutton, and shouted, "Got your nose!!"

I cried....but then I laughed because it's pretty funny that my two year old thought my bellybutton was a nose.

And then yesterday, I was handing Eliza some goldfish and dropped one. I looked on the ground and side to side, trying to find the missing goldfish. Eventually, Eliza noticed it resting safely on my protruding stomach and said, "There it is!"

It happens. I'm glad we have Eliza around to make this pregnancy entertaining.